Young Writers Society

Hi!! I'm Lizzy! It's a pleasure to read your work!


Although I very much unironically clicked the 'chicken' tab within the genre section, I had nooo idea what I was going to come upon, but I don't think it would've been this lol!

I love! Despite the comically chicken side-character, this is actually quite well-written! The AB format you mostly stick to is done rather nicely, and your story flow is amazing.


There was a princess locked in a tower,

In chains for the mere act of being born,

forced all her short life to beg and cower,

treated with unjust cruelty and scorn


This one! I like this stanza specifically, i'm not quite sure why! I just enjoy the flow of the words and the descriptions you use for the princess and her struggles within the plot that you follow. This chick (mind the pun :>) is having a bad time, she's the damsel in distress, and here comes her knight in shining armor, a chicken! Not to mention a warrior chicken at that!

I would actually love to see what else you could come up with in this story, perhaps their fate together after escaping the evil grasp of the princess' stepmother. The princess and the warrior chicken could have plenty of adventures together as a team!

Haha, I liked this one, though! It's very fun! Good job!

Heyy, Good day to ya.

Hahah, I like this one. First impressions are quite positive. I am sucker for poems that rhyme. The inner kiddie loves it. The vibes I get from this are mixture of Tangled and Cinderella with mayyybe Beauty and the beast? In any case, very disney-like

"treated with unjust cruelty and scorn.

The along came the warrior chicken,

riding along on a majestic goose,"

The break of tension here is just perfect. It starts of very sombre and serious and then it just suddenly moves on to a chicken?? Fantastic. Now whether this is a literal chicken riding a literal goose is anybodies guess but I like to think its a metaphor for someone who is usually cowardly but is taking a step forward in order to redeem themselves.

"to save the princess who hath been stricken

because of her father's early demise.

The warrior chicken would then set free,

the noble princess from her gilded cage,"

Hmm, maybe I am delusional, but it seems to me like the ones on the right are a bit more over the top while the ones of the left use slightly more complex vocabulary. Interesting choice. Any two styles compounded well is noteworthy.

Overall. Lovely stuff, again, I actually appreciate the effort put into rhyming these. Alot of people don't. While that is still a poem. I personally prefer these kinds.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

This reminds me of tangled but in story form, the princess was chained for a stupid reason by being born, she wasn't able to control that, reality can be cruel in ways no one can imagine, you either live through the suffering or you die a coward without any good reason for that attempt, but on the other hand, your a brave warrior who died with your scarred heart in your hand basically making it clear and saying, "i've lived through hell and back and now i hold my heart in my hand and shout 'I've lived a difficult life, but survived until my last breath!'"p.

I did enjoy this poem and the rhyme scheme created a delightful rhythm. Though I think in the last line a comma should be added after "fate". The idea of a warrior chicken was a wonderful oxymoron in a certain meaning of the words. It was a slightly aged idea but take it to be more of a uniquely 'YWS poem'.

Hi Harold! WONDERFUL to see some more chicken poetry on the site, so of course I have to review this piece.

First of, the Subject Matter = 10 / 10.

Now some feedback on some of the specifics.

Capitalization / Punctuation / Conventions
Nice job picking a consistent punctuation method and sticking with it - this keeps consistency and makes the piece flow so much better. I thought there were a few lines that you maybe didn't need a comma - like after "The warrior chicken would then set free" - a comma here kind of breaks up the thought to me.

I think for capitalization the only aspect that wasn't quite consistent is it seemed like you were doing 'sentence-case' where you capitalize at the beginning of natural sentences, but leave the beginnings of lines lowercased if they aren't following end punctuation - except you didn't follow this pattern in the second line. So the second line should be "in chains for the mere act of being born," to keep consistent with the rest of the piece.

The only minor spelling mistake I found was in the 2nd stanza should be "Then along came the warrior chicken," Again nice job keeping the piece well-edited, consistent, and polished.

Word Choice
While usually I'm not a fan of the extra archaic words being added into a poem, in this case with the old-timey fairy-tale plot it worked perfectly to have those extra "haths" and some of those older-vibes words to mimic the sort of classic fairy tale retelling.

The one word choice aspect I wasn't so sure of was the use of "would" in stanza three and four which made the story seem kind of conditional / future-tense? to me it kind of took us out of the action more than if the poem had said "will" / "was".

Plot
I like that you give us a little twist in the 2nd stanza by not revealing immediately the chicken warrior - that sets up the second stanza as being a surprise reveal after the first stanza sets up like the poem will be simply a Rapunzel story retelling.

In stanza one you set up the conflict / background of basics of characters
In stanza two you set up the possible solution
In stanza three I'm not sure if the poem is saying these things did take place or could take place, and then stanza four is a re-cap / summary.

I think you could add some interest by going into how the chicken freed the princess (the action! part of the story) and also if there was just a line or two more of character development for why the chicken has decided to do this / their relationship to the princess - it's such a good turn/twist, but we never learn the why. How did the chicken know the princess? What compelled the chicken to rescue the princess? Was it their connection to both feeling like caged birds? These are the types of questions your poem could dig into just a touch more for impact and interest.

Imagery
My last suggestion is to take up this poem to the next notch, don't be afraid to dig into your imagery more. The comparison to the tower to a bird cage is very compelling, but you don't spend much time lingering on it - similiarally the image of a chicken riding a "majestic goose" is very unique, but we don't have much time to linger on it during the poem, so it feels a bit unresolved.

Meaning
I think the poem was probably mostly a playful twist on the classic Rapunzle story, this time with the hero being an unlikely chicken! I think some meaning that could be extracted is to challenge your expectations, because even humble chickens might suprise you with bravery if called upon. It's also a metaphor perhaps for freedom generally and the twisting methods some people may go to seek it.

Overall I enjoyed reading this unique piece and hope you continue dipping your toes into poetry!

all the best,

alliyah

How simply riveting! We all need a warrior chicken to save us! The majestic feathers and the beautiful clucking would sweep any Princess off her feet! I’d say that this was a wonderful origin story that really changed my life for the better.

There’s just one question…

…Did the chicken turn the stepmother into a chicken for her wicked ways? To pay for her unjust crimes on the Princess?

I wish you a lovely day/night.

Needs more swans...