Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to review my very first official poem. Umm....don't be too mad if I leave a horrible review...it has been a while since I did anything to a poem.

First Impression: So on first glance this has a pretty cool rhyme to it that I can see (this means it is very easy to see) and I think its just a nice and very straightforward thing. Also my brain is not overheating from trying to decipher it so that's also a plus for me.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I once tasted a good ole' broccoli,
it tasted speck-tacular
like a miniature tree.

Well, I haven't really
ever tasted a tree
Just a good ole' brocolli.

Deep-fried in oil,
recreating a forest fire,
God, my head is like 'monopoly'.

I wish it was, really though,
like the game, a business
that would help me make a name.

Become a rock and rap star,
own a crane, so I can
Demolish everyone's pride and fame.

Then I'd think, "how'd
All this come to be?"
'Twas all a good ole' broccoli.

Hello, Gravitem.
I really like this poem. I think the part where you said it tasted like a miniature tree, even though you've never tasted one was really funny. And that part when you compared cooking broccoli with starting a forest fire seemed very nice to me. I actually imagined the embers. And when you said about becoming a rock star i started smiling because it felt i don't know endearing and refreshing, especially since it was for such a cool reason as demolishing everyone's pride. Even though i think stardom can make one a little proud too, but not everyone. I loved how you ended the poem too.

Hey you! I'm here to review this lovely myth poem!

I love how random and wonderfully unique the subject of this poem is. I've never heard of broccoli being the reason that someone became a rapper. So 10/10 on originality! Honestly, I don't have much to critique about the poem itself. It's short and concise, and a really enjoyable read.

That being said, I do have a few very small nitpicks.

it tasted speck-tacular

Just a good ole' brocolli.

Just a good ole' brocolli.

God, my head is like 'monopoly'.

Demolish everyone's pride and fame.

All this come to be?"

I wish it was, really though,
like the game, a business
that would help me make a name.

Hi there! I’m just going to give you a short review, because this is already a great piece. I love your subject, and I feel like broccoli is one of the most underrated vegetables of all time. Your fourth and fifth stanzas are a little out of place in this poem, mostly because they interrupt the rhyme scene and rhythm you had set up. For the most part, I’m okay with little inconsistencies when it comes to rhyme, but since you stuck with broccoli in the beginning and end, I would suggest continuing that rhyme throughout the poem. The rhythm also changes: your poem plays a little bit with iambic pentameter, which is really prominent in the phrase “good ole’ broccoli” and the last stanza. The word “recreating” in line eight and the fourth and fifth stanzas don’t employ the same rhythm as the rest of the poem. This interrupts the flow, and makes the subject and words themselves seem out of place. Okay, that ended up being a little longer than I thought, but hopefully you’ll get something out of my review!