Young Writers Society

Hi!

This poem while being simple is very powerful and hard- hitting. The straightforward nature of the language you used really brought out the emotions in every single line.
While I do wish there was more to the poem, the short length wonderfully brings out the unexpectedness and sudden nature of the situation.
Another thing i noticed was the change in tense from past to present in the last lines which really engages the reader and adds a lot of depth to your writing.

Overall i really liked this poem and i look forward to seeing more poems like this!
Keep writing : )

Hiyo Gravy, I'm here to give you a review.


The first stanza kind of rhymes, which gave me a false set up, maybe synonyms would be appropriate here? I don't really have any critiques, just that. I'm not good at reviewing poetry.

The second feels misplaced, a random metaphor of bubbles. Also, it doesn't go well with the format itself, 2,3,2, isn't the best for flow. You could always incorporate bubbles into the first?

The ending is pretty bitter, and I like it. It makes you remember it.

I think this is really good, Grav! The wording gives some perspective and is easily relatable, and the words themselves kinda ooze venom. I enjoyed it, Gravel.

Jade

Ok, ok, ok, Grav. I'm trying my best to not, like, scream because who hurt you? Yourself? I would hug you if you consented to it, I would do it I swear.

There's nothing wrong with this poem, the grammar is great like normal but DAMN MAN. IT IS MAKING ME WORRY ABOUT YOU. If you can't tell, I'm about to both describe what I thought of your poem and also give you a pep-talk of the century.

The first stanza, damn man. I get that, losing someone important to you. It was forced onto by my parents, they made that decision for me but it still hurt so f****** much (and its also a story for the decades dear god its something else but my point is that it sucks). I'm so sorry. You ever need to vent, just PM, anytime. I check YWS a lot so, feel free.

The second stanza. Not being ready for it, not even expecting it. That just makes it all worse. Blaming them may not help, but it will take time. It's ok to blame them until you can process your emotions, make sense of what has happened. It is ok f ift takes time.

But don't say that's all you do. And if you are sure that's all you do, now you're aware. And you can work on fixing it, on realizing when you've made a mistake and trying to fix it. Take time to look back on yourself, to breathe.

- With love, from Cow

Hello there,

I haven't reviewed a poem in like centuries, so sorry for anything I do. I would probably not take any advice from me if i were you because I don't trust myself here. I'm just going to try to do something.

Alright, language is simple, yet it still provides a factor that is heart-wrenching. The imagery is hard to see because of the vague tone, which isn't a bad thing, but depends on who reads. It's also on the shorter side, so that could make it a lot harder to dig into.

This is human, it's true, it's very emotional. The last line really ties it all together as it is very hazy and unclear, but that's why it makes the poem. This whole piece is quite murky because of the lack of description, but that's not really something I would consider worrying because it's a good work with or without features like that.

Overall, it's a piece that captures the reader with it's sort of unknown aspects.
I may have overthought a lot, so oops.
Have a good day,
Haley

Hi Gravitem.
I think you wrote a really nice poem. I especially liked that it's so short. I don't know if this proverb is used in English but it's known in my country, "strong essences are held in small bottles". For me, it was like Dumbledors quotes. Short and you read it quickly but you may end up thinking about it even an hour after the actual reading. I don't really know what else to say about it except that it's great.
Have an amazing day,
MoonIris.

Hey, Gravitem!
I can't write a long review for this, it's too short and pretty good in any case. However, the thought of this sitting forever in the Green Room because of those reasons spurred me to write a short one at least, so here I go!
I just want to say the poem is really nice. There's just one grammatical mistake:

My bubble that broke
I was so not prepared
I blame you for it.