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Relapse

by Geo123


The same conversation over and over,

My life shattering like a dropped mirror.

The shards, 

Impossible to find,

Impossible to heal,

Impossible to forget.

Relapse.

Old wounds opening up, emotions gushing out.

I am a child again. Feeling the same initial pain.

Mommy why can’t you be okay?

God where are you?

Doctors why can’t you heal her?

These thoughts are spinning around and around.

And I am taken back to being little.

Frightened.

Scared. 


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9 Reviews


Points: 58
Reviews: 9

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Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:47 pm
mel0 wrote a review...



Great job! This really gets the emotions going! The pain and fear are very well portrayed in this poem. I can really relate to this poem as my dad has MS as well. I loved the lines "My life shattering like a dropped mirror. The shards, Impossible to find, Impossible to heal, Impossible to forget." It really shows the feelings found with this disease and a lot of diseases in general. I love that you showed that some feelings and aspects of life can be hard to find yet still never really forgotten. I wasn't a huge fan of the line "These thoughts are spinning around and around." Describing thoughts as spinning "around and around" is a bit overused in my opinion. I does work in this piece it's just not my favorite. Feel free to disregard this feedback. Amazing job! You really evoked emotions in your readers! I hope your mom is




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150 Reviews


Points: 12425
Reviews: 150

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Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:38 pm
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hello Geo123, Katja here to review your poem, "Relapse". As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make if you find them to be unhelpful. With that being said, lets get into the review~

Overall Thoughts

Your piece is very heart-wrenching and really makes me feel what the narrator is experiencing. It really brought me back to similar instances with my father who has had lifelong health issues... Very emotional connection for me. I love that your poem is able to convey the fear and sadness of going through these kinds of experiences... Watching a loved one suffer from health conditions, especially relapses, is truly awful.

I really like the structure and format you used to write this poem and I feel the flow was very fitting for this type of emotional poem.

Doctors why can’t you heal her?


It can be easy to blame doctors and God for things like this... many of us do. Sometimes doctors blame themselves just as much as we blame them when they can't save or heal someone. I really felt this line, and boy is it painful to go through these kinds of things...

My favorite part was,

My life shattering like a dropped mirror.


The imagery portrays the corresponding emotion very well~

Suggestions

And I am taken back to being little.


I would change this to "And I am taken back to when I was little", I feel like "taken back to being little" throws off the flow, but that is strictly opinion based.

That's all I have for suggestions~

Summary

I really enjoyed your poem, it hit home for me as I am going through a similar issue with my Father's health. The fear and feeling like there's nothing you can do.... It's awful. Though it is a sad subject, your poem is well-written and conveys the subject of your mother's MS relapse and the emotions you felt during this time... (and I am so so sorry~) I feel your poem is very well-written with a fitting structure and you were very easily able to show the reader your emotions and it truly is an emotional piece that touched me.

I hope my review was helpful,

Keep Writing,

~Katja




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8 Reviews


Points: 97
Reviews: 8

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Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:56 pm
LilyPhelen wrote a review...



This is a super emotional heart tugging piece. It makes me feel the narrator's pain, and I believe you conveyed the emotions very well. I like your use of fragment sentences that impact the reader and shows the dramatic aspect of it all. The look back and comparison of past fear and ideas of being afraid as a child show us how they believe fear to be a childish aspect, and that is important because when one thinks of being reverted back into a child like state it often means they are helpless in the situation that they are in. Questioning the doctor's although they'd be able to hear make us feel as if they are incapable of feeling like you do. This reads much better allowed and I could see this being done at a speech contest actually. It is packed with emotion and the one word sentences have an impact that say so little and yet convey so much emotion. I really love this, and hope to see more from you.



Random avatar
Geo123 says...


Thank you so much for your review, I really appreciate what you said.




The emperor is rich, but he can't buy another day.
— Chinese Proverb