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Mother's Lamentation

by Ganesh Shenoy


Commenced my voyage millions of years ago
Gave birth to many species and finally humans
Alas my journey became dreadful and sorrowful
Supposed to be a boon became a curse
Got love from all children except humans
They putrefied me with selfishness, greed and ambition
Other children’s presence boosted my beauty and charm
But humans disfigured me for gain and pleasure
Punished them several times with epidemics and pandemics,
They won epidemics and pandemics always with astuteness
Tried to teach them with calamities and droughts,
Heedless were they toward catastrophes and famines
They cut and consumed my flora disremembering motherhood
They slew and ate faunas disremembering the brotherhood
I breath out untainted air since ages to sustain life,
But they teem it with effluence threatening life
Blessed them always with flowing rivers,
But they damned it with dirt and toxins.
Presented them oceans with copious treasures,
But they blemished it with smut and chemicals
Lamentation of mine is not for my end,
lamentation for predictable end of humankind. 


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143 Reviews


Points: 6698
Reviews: 143

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Thu Nov 26, 2020 3:05 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi there!

Indeed a great poem with a powerful message. This of course is extremely relatable after everything that we are going through right now. Narrating it from the perspective of God and showing how he's observing every wrong deed done by humans gives more emphasis on the message. When the creator himself regrets for his creations when they get out of control and follows a path of destruction,it does reflect a sense of guilt and lament about it on the creator's side.

You used some good vocabulary in here and successfully portrayed how humans have become a curse upon this planet by adopting inhuman paths and doing activities that's causing global annihilation. Every effort made to stop and make them realize their fault has gone futile. Through the lines where you talked about epidemics and other calamities, you interpreted how these were brought to man by god as a warning that it's high time he should correct his way of living or else the time will be up for his species.

There were a few places where I felt the flow was a bit off. Like the previous reviewer pointed out you can change this line, 'Supposed to be a boon became a curse' by adding something like, 'What was supposed to be a boon...' I think this will sound better with the flow.

Then the repetition of the words 'epidemics' and 'pandemics' in two consecutive lines felt very odd and doesn't contribute much towards making the poem strong. Maybe try avoiding the repeated usage by some other suitable words like plagues or outbreaks or anything that you feel fits right in your poem. Then their's a part where you rhymed the words 'motherhood-brotherhood' and 'life-life'. Well of course one is free to set any rhyming scheme but since everywhere else you kept it as free verse instead of following any specific rhyme scheme so I suggest you should change it in order to blend with the flow of the poem and feel more consistent.

I like the ending as how the god laments seeing the demise of one its creations because of their own selfish acts. One small nitpicking here, I think the word predictable can be replaced by something more appropriate like 'inevitable' to put further emphasis on the unavoidable end of humanity that's bound to happen in the near future.

These are just some minor suggestions from my part and you are completely free to ignore them if you don't agree. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed your poem and could feel the emotions coming out of it. I hope you continue to share more of your work in the future.

Great work!
Keep writing :D




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Points: 274
Reviews: 3

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Sat Nov 21, 2020 2:59 am
Lov_lyFicti_n22 says...



I love the way you portray the message. I can feel the sorrow and regret coming through in your words and that's pretty hard to do!
I do have to say that the line, "Supposed to be a boon became a curse" through me for a trip word wise. The start of "Supposed" felt like the odd one out in the poem. I personally would find a better way to start that one line.
Overall though this is quite a beautifully done piece. It created imagery and pulled me into the feeling behind it. This was a job very well done!




Random avatar

Points: 274
Reviews: 3

Donate
Sat Nov 21, 2020 2:59 am
Lov_lyFicti_n22 wrote a review...



I love the way you portray the message. I can feel the sorrow and regret coming through in your words and that's pretty hard to do!
I do have to say that the line, "Supposed to be a boon became a curse" through me for a trip word wise. The start of "Supposed" felt like the odd one out in the poem. I personally would find a better way to start that one line.
Overall though this is quite a beautifully done piece. It created imagery and pulled me into the feeling behind it. This was a job very well done!





"Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein