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E - Everyone

What "if"

by Gabriella Phelps



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17 Reviews


Points: 84
Reviews: 17

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Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:19 pm
salia4 wrote a review...



This is a really nice poem, however I find you use the article "the" a but to much, perhaps find words that would possibly flow better with the poem, in some cases you can actually eliminate the word, for example, in the first line in stead of "wandering in the dark rainy streets" simply make it "wandering in dark rainy streets" this adds another level of suspense and mystery to the poem which is essential to capturing an audience.

I love this poem and look forward to your future work, Im surprised at how well you've written as you profile says you're only 16, you're very gifted and keep up the great work!




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223 Reviews


Points: 1515
Reviews: 223

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Mon Jul 08, 2019 11:08 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



This is a really great poem! I like your word choice, and how you describe all the emotions. There was only one thing that I'd like to point out, and that's that "If we restarted it from the beginning" Or something like that, might make more sense than "If we just restarted from the beginning" The just doesn't make much sense to me, but that might just be my opinion.

Overall, great poem! Welcome to YWS, and keep on writing!




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542 Reviews


Points: 30484
Reviews: 542

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Mon Jul 08, 2019 12:17 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely night, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's get to it shall we!!

Okay so I thought this was planned out very well. Everything flowed together very well, it is like a river's water. It flowed out my mouth really well. I just love it, and it's because your punctuation is all in the right places.
I really love the name you have picked for your work, it fit's it rather well, and it gets your reader ready for what is to come. And I just love that. It also has so much emotion in it.
Talking of emotion, you have so much emotion in your poem to, it's not just in the title. And I love poems that have been written like that, it's something I can't do yet, and I just love seeing other people do it, it helps me pick up tips. So great job.
The length of your poem was also perfect, it helped with the flow, and it didn't feel forced ether. By the way you wrote this it felt like it was a letter to a very close loved one. And I loved that.

Anyway I'm really glad I got to read and review this amazing work. It was really well written, and I couldn't see anything wrong with it. I do hope you will keep posting wonderful works like this on YWS.Have a great day or night, ether one.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.





cron
Science is the key to our future, and if you don’t believe in science, then you’re holding everybody back. And it’s fine if you as an adult want to run around pretending or claiming that you don’t believe in evolution, but if we educate a generation of people who don’t believe in science, that’s a recipe for disaster. We talk about the Internet. That comes from science. Weather forecasting. That comes from science. The main idea in all of biology is evolution. To not teach it to our young people is wrong.
— Bill Nye