Hey there! Happy Review Day!
Aw, no one's here to judge! If my review feels like I'm judging you, I can 134.78% assure you that I am not. I'm simply trying to help out and I do hope that I do! Now that that's out of the way, onwards to the review?
I actually can really relate to this poem and that's what I like about this. It's relatable and I'm sure can connect to many people. I'm not the best at sports (really) and the struggle that these words make up really, pretty much, describes me! Poems that are relatable, I think, are ones that are good because it gives the reader the ability to connect with the poem more. I like how you did this, and it seems like you based it off true experiences?
I think the rhyming was what really pulled away from this poem. I like how you went with rhyming instead of free verse, but I think it might benefit more from a rhyming scheme. A rhyming scheme is where you kind of follow a pattern - ABABAB for example. The rhyming in this poem is kind of all over the place and isn't balanced. For example, you have three lines in a row that rhyme, then two, etc etc. A rhyme scheme might work better, and it'd be cool with this poem because rhymes were repeated a lot!
Also, while on the subject of rhymes, some syllables were a bit off. So, basically, if you added another word or two to certain lines, it would strengthen it but also match it up "more" with the other rhyming line. For example:
"I live on a street by the bay,
next to fae."
to
"I live on a street by the bay,
next to a bunch of fae."
It smooths out the rhymes and can even make it feel a little less forced.
I loved the repetition of rhymes - sometimes repetition doesn't work out in a poem but I kind of liked how this ended up, and it worked well in your favor!
I think that's all I have to say. Keep writing!
~ EternalRain
Points: 69427
Reviews: 456
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