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Signs of time

by ForeverYoung299



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17 Reviews


Points: 117
Reviews: 17

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Tue Apr 13, 2021 11:11 pm
MellyBourne wrote a review...



This is a poem that deals with the passing of time. You showed us the darker side of that, which is pretty neat, not everything is flowers and joy. The first verse is my favourite, it gives us your perspective, whcih I felt a bit lacking in the other two. The best parts of this one are the ones where you are being personal. The third verse leaves us with a question, a little bit of sarcasm included, I liked that. I think it's thought provoking.




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21 Reviews


Points: 691
Reviews: 21

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Tue Apr 13, 2021 1:23 pm
TheClosetWriter wrote a review...



This poem has such a powerful message about how we are moving into the future. Pollution is draining the greenery from this world and corporations responsible for it are being praised by the public. We are forgetting to protect the important things within our life. Stanzas are organized to represent this change, comparing the past to the present. Additionally, there is a lot of pattern variation between lines so the piece flows without being repetitive. The use of punctuation also creates a more interesting poem and I would recommend that the author even play with italics and bold to emphasize certain words or big ideas. In terms of criticism, extra descriptions surrounding a green world could really enhance this passage. There are such powerful themes here and I can't wait to see what this author writes next! Poetry about modern issues can be so powerful and here, that power is evident.






Thank u so much for it!





Of course! :)



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13 Reviews


Points: 406
Reviews: 13

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Mon Apr 12, 2021 11:48 pm
Ilium417 wrote a review...



Heyo! Ilium here for a review!
This poem had a really interesting concept, one that I relate to a lot. I go a classical education school so we look more at the motives of historical figures instead of just names and dates. As such, I often get sad looking at the present through the eyes of the past. I definitely got those vibes here.
"Trucks of rubbish" was interesting, but I'm confused on the imagery. I think it'd be better if you further elaborate and expand the imagery. As is, the core of the imagery and power are there, but I believe that a longer poem would get your image further.
I like the exclamations in the third stanza. I don't know why, but something about it shows your emotion but also your sarcastic attitude. They are really effective!
However, I saw in your subject things that you were going for satire, and I think it would be a little better if you rolled with the mocking. So instead of "What deterioration!" you could say "what progress!" Then it would roll with the civilized part later.
Visually, I don't think that the light blue works. Maybe choose a different color? The picture in the back is cool though!
Overall, good poem! It was truly interesting. Good luck with poems in the future!
Peace and Tacos be with you!






Thank you so much for it!




Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said