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Young Writers Society



Taste of Life - Chapter 2

by Que


Megan was the child everyone wanted to be, the one everyone wanted as their friend. She was happy, energetic, and charismatic, making her a leader among her fellow classmates and instantly popular. The special thing about Megan was that no one was ever jealous of her for her talents- or at least that’s what she thought.

In her early years of school, she was nothing much to notice. Megan, like all of the other kids her age, was friendly and open, withholding nothing. By about the third grade, it became clear that she was good at nearly everything; sports, art, math, literacy, music- you name it, and there was a good chance that Megan would be able to do it well.

Around that time also was when Megan discovered her love for theater. Her parents (how old they seemed to be compared to the other children’s parents…) had started to take her to all sorts of musicals and plays. At first, she was easily bored and couldn’t sit still. Then Megan came to the conclusion that if she were in the plays, she would be using her talents and having endless fun.

Her school had an unused stage, and it didn’t take long for Megan to suggest having a play there. The school principal, Mr. Mannen, was dubious at first, as he was never fond of new ideas, but Megan’s loyal friends backed her up and he had to give in.

“The teachers and I,” he said in his announcement to the school, “have agreed to let you have a play.” Although Megan and her fellow students rejoiced at his words, his silence seemed to be a sigh, the loss of tradition making it almost painful for him to continue. “This will take serious planning on our part, figuring out what the musical will be and organizing the whole thing. That being said, it will be preformed next year.”

Megan’s spirits weren’t dampened at all, and she practiced singing and acting anytime she wasn’t busy. Of course, busy in her world was daring her friends to do ridiculous things, doing stunts in public, and any other thing that she thought could be fun. She was living for thrill, but she wouldn’t be satisfied until she got in that play.

Along with her talents in other areas, Meg was academically smart as well. This is what made her the wonderful person she was: her inner honesty. She could access her inner Py and extended memory whenever she wanted, allowing her to take a test and not need to know anything, she could merely look back at the first day they went over the material in class. No one would ever know, as it was an unheard of form of cheating, but Megan never used it (except once when she forgot how to spell ‘separate’).

Soon enough, it was fall again and time for school- the play. It was all Megan could think about, and her closest friend Ella, a violinist, was excited as well. The teachers had decided that they would perform Alice in Wonderland. They had very casual auditions so as not to upset the students, and would only accept those from third grade and upwards.

Of course the teachers were immediately impressed with Megan and her talents, she could see it on their faces, but she had to be left with an enigma:

“We’ll let you know what we think in a week.”

How could she wait a whole week? She could barely wait the whole summer. It was an intense week of fidgeting, even though Meg was confident in her abilities. The next Thursday when she was pulled from class, she knew exactly the reason.

“Hi Megan!” the cheerful teacher exclaimed. She looked closely at a folded white sheet she held casually in one hand. “Okay, so, it looks like you’ve been selected to play Alice in our first school play, Alice in Wonderland. Congratulations!”

Megan grinned and practically danced back into class. She later discovered that Ella had gotten the part of the Cheshire cat. This was the work she enjoyed, working out how each line was to be said, where she was to be placed on the stage, where she should walk and how she should move.

After many rehearsals and managing of the students, the time came for an actual performance. Megan was very proud of Ella and her perfection and mastery of her lines, but as the play began, Ella stepped up at the wrong time.

Meg tried her best to discreetly motion to her to move back, but she didn’t budge. She walked all the way downstage until she blocked Megan completely. She then started saying random lines, some of which were her own, but mostly they were other characters’ lines, including those that Megan was about to say next.

Megan was flustered, nothing like this had ever happened to her before. How could Ella forget her lines so completely? Meg asked herself. She was so good before now! It was then that she realized that someone had indeed been jealous of her. She snapped out of her daze and improvised until she could get the play back on track.

She ignored Ella glaring at her back until the play was over. Megan turned to face Ella, but she had disappeared. Megan had suffered her first betrayal, and it hurt.


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Wed Feb 10, 2016 7:56 am
Lightsong wrote a review...



Alright, let's get to it. :D

Since this chapter is rather short, I think I can do without giving the specifics. There are things I noted here. First, this chapter has a very strong vibe of telling. We can notice this even in the first two paragraphs:

Megan was the child everyone wanted to be, the one everyone wanted as their friend. She was happy, energetic, and charismatic, making her a leader among her fellow classmates and instantly popular. The special thing about Megan was that no one was ever jealous of her for her talents- or at least that’s what she thought.

In her early years of school, she was nothing much to notice. Megan, like all of the other kids her age, was friendly and open, withholding nothing. By about the third grade, it became clear that she was good at nearly everything; sports, art, math, literacy, music- you name it, and there was a good chance that Megan would be able to do it well.


This is all telling! As you're doing a novel, you have all the platform to show us her personality, and the progress of her life. Tell us how she's the child everyone wants to be (which is awkwardly worded--I think you mean the person everyone wants to be) and how everyone wants her to be her friend. I can't tell the reason why I should believe all this stuff because you haven't given me evidences to dictate she's such a character. Also, I dislike how from the explanation, she has the Mary Sue traits--perfect at everything, loveable by everyone, and so on, and so on. The thing is, she's an alien. She should be battling with her human side to actually live like a human. She should have some objections to the way human acts. She should be like most teenagers out of the world--imperfect, not popular, average at some areas, over average at others. I don't see any of this.

Also, the principal. I can't believe he gives in to Megan's and her friends' demands. I'm not sure how things work there, but I do believe it takes more effort to make a play a the stage. First of all, there's no expert in the school for that. There are other things he should prioritize, this play included. Megan needs a petition for her demands to be taken seriously. As it is, it's too easy for her to get a play. A bit of struggle in that is worth exploring, and more realistic. Just a thought.

Along with her talents in other areas, Meg was academically smart as well. This is what made her the wonderful person she was: her inner honesty. She could access her inner Py and extended memory whenever she wanted, allowing her to take a test and not need to know anything, she could merely look back at the first day they went over the material in class. No one would ever know, as it was an unheard of form of cheating, but Megan never used it (except once when she forgot how to spell ‘separate’).


Perfect memory? I'm sorry, I don't like this. Again, too convenient. I understand Pyrok's an alien, but her memory has a limit. Years of living means a lot to be filled in your memory, and the ones you take are the important ones--not all of them.

Remember when I said she's perfect at all areas? Well, you just add another aspect to it--acting. Again, it'd be interesting to see how she's good at it, but it'd be more interesting if she fails at the first time. Not everyone's good at something one does for the first time. Just a thought to make it more realistic and more poignant.

I like the twist at the end, and this is where I think you've missed a big opportunity to really delve into the concept of betrayal. Like I said, it's all telling, so making it a bit more elaborated, a bit more descriptive, would reader make readers feel as if they're witnessing the situation, and can empathize with Megan.

That is all. I advise you to look back at your first chapter--I think you've done a good job at showing there, and you can definitely implement it in this chapter, since I think this needs a rewrite. However, your writing is enjoyable as it is, and I'm curious to see what would happen after the betrayal. Keep it up! ;D




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Tue Dec 22, 2015 2:11 am
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Snazzy wrote a review...



Hello Falc!
Finally getting back into the reviewing spirit, after about 3 days of no reviewing at ALL. :D This is a good chapter! You start it out nice, and end it well too. Anyway, time for the review!

The school principal, Mr. Mannen, was dubious at first, as he was never fond of new ideas, but Megan’s loyal friends backed her up and he had to give in.


This seems like this would only happen in a school where EVERYTHING was appreciated - as in, the students, music, theater, sports, education, etc. I wouldn't think the principal would give in so easy, but nonetheless it is nice that he does give in to the children's pleas. To make it more believable though, I would have them talk to teachers/adults. An adult is more likely to believe another adult then a child.

How could she wait a whole week? She could barely wait the whole summer.


I know what you mean, but this would be backwards. (Kind of like - I waited 7 days, and now I have to wait a year?) Instead of "she could barely wait the summer", I would write it as "she had waited a year already, and now she had to wait more," or something like that. ;)

Other Suggestions:
Although the other reviewers already mentioned this (and I'm not sure if you edited again or not), but I have an 'idea' for how to expand upon Megan's character a bit here. Have Ella and Megan talk between each other more, so the betrayal is more "played out". Or something like that, at least...

Overall though, nice job! :D I like the way you presented Megan's first betrayal, I just think you should expand on it a little bit more. :D Fantastic job, and keep writing!

~Snazz Pizzazz




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Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:32 pm
elysian wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!

Saw that you had requested this to be reviewed, so here I am!

Just a disclaimer before I dive in, I tend to be a little blunt when I review/edit, so please know it's nothing personal and I'm just trying to help! Thanks!

Also, decided I wanted to take a look at the other chapters, in case you asked for help from me :p I read chapter one and the prologue, just didn't leave a review since so many had already taken care of it :p

Okay, let's get into it :-)

So, I quickly read the comment that Pinkratgirl left, and I'm going to tell you that she's spot on. One of your biggest mistakes is that you're a very two-dimensional writer. There's absolutley no character development, which makes it hard to relate. Let me rephrase, there is some direct characterization, but some of it's just so "on the surface" types of adjectives it doesn't really feel like we know the character very well at all. This makes it extremely hard for us to relate to the character, which is VITAL to a story. If I can't relate, then I don't really care about what this character is going through. It seems petty.

Time management throughout your story is also a huge problem. You've gotten make things longer. You gotta draw it out, or my minds jumping all over the place, trying to figure out what's going on, which is annoying. Use more description, really make sure we get a feel for what's going on before moving on. You should use a solid two to three paragraphs describing a situation, if not more. I usually use about 5 paragraphs to describe a situation (not including paragraphing dialouge.) Just make sure you're really describing and using imagery in situations.

This chapter was better than chapter three, just the things I mentioned above, you really need to practice using them.

-Del




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Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:29 pm
Pinkratgirl wrote a review...



The passage of time is way too fast in this. You should go into more detail about the rehearsals especially. The way this is written gives it the feeling of children's story. If that's what you were aiming for: good job! If that's not what you where aiming for, I would suggest putting more detail into the story and talk about the character's feelings because you don't explain what the main character is feeling at all, causing the story and it's characters to seem 2D.





Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
— Voltaire