Alright, let's get to it.
Since this chapter is rather short, I think I can do without giving the specifics. There are things I noted here. First, this chapter has a very strong vibe of telling. We can notice this even in the first two paragraphs:
Megan was the child everyone wanted to be, the one everyone wanted as their friend. She was happy, energetic, and charismatic, making her a leader among her fellow classmates and instantly popular. The special thing about Megan was that no one was ever jealous of her for her talents- or at least that’s what she thought.
In her early years of school, she was nothing much to notice. Megan, like all of the other kids her age, was friendly and open, withholding nothing. By about the third grade, it became clear that she was good at nearly everything; sports, art, math, literacy, music- you name it, and there was a good chance that Megan would be able to do it well.
This is all telling! As you're doing a novel, you have all the platform to show us her personality, and the progress of her life. Tell us how she's the child everyone wants to be (which is awkwardly worded--I think you mean the person everyone wants to be) and how everyone wants her to be her friend. I can't tell the reason why I should believe all this stuff because you haven't given me evidences to dictate she's such a character. Also, I dislike how from the explanation, she has the Mary Sue traits--perfect at everything, loveable by everyone, and so on, and so on. The thing is, she's an alien. She should be battling with her human side to actually live like a human. She should have some objections to the way human acts. She should be like most teenagers out of the world--imperfect, not popular, average at some areas, over average at others. I don't see any of this.
Also, the principal. I can't believe he gives in to Megan's and her friends' demands. I'm not sure how things work there, but I do believe it takes more effort to make a play a the stage. First of all, there's no expert in the school for that. There are other things he should prioritize, this play included. Megan needs a petition for her demands to be taken seriously. As it is, it's too easy for her to get a play. A bit of struggle in that is worth exploring, and more realistic. Just a thought.
Along with her talents in other areas, Meg was academically smart as well. This is what made her the wonderful person she was: her inner honesty. She could access her inner Py and extended memory whenever she wanted, allowing her to take a test and not need to know anything, she could merely look back at the first day they went over the material in class. No one would ever know, as it was an unheard of form of cheating, but Megan never used it (except once when she forgot how to spell ‘separate’).
Perfect memory? I'm sorry, I don't like this. Again, too convenient. I understand Pyrok's an alien, but her memory has a limit. Years of living means a lot to be filled in your memory, and the ones you take are the important ones--not all of them.
Remember when I said she's perfect at all areas? Well, you just add another aspect to it--acting. Again, it'd be interesting to see how she's good at it, but it'd be more interesting if she fails at the first time. Not everyone's good at something one does for the first time. Just a thought to make it more realistic and more poignant.
I like the twist at the end, and this is where I think you've missed a big opportunity to really delve into the concept of betrayal. Like I said, it's all telling, so making it a bit more elaborated, a bit more descriptive, would reader make readers feel as if they're witnessing the situation, and can empathize with Megan.
That is all. I advise you to look back at your first chapter--I think you've done a good job at showing there, and you can definitely implement it in this chapter, since I think this needs a rewrite. However, your writing is enjoyable as it is, and I'm curious to see what would happen after the betrayal. Keep it up! ;D
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
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