Only by faith - revised edition.

Hey People. :) So this is a re-draft o my creative writing piece for literature. I should probably tell you that faith means to be dependent on each other. Let me know what you think, my teacher likes it but he says he's confused and baffled with the abstract ideas. I've finally got him to understand it! So, but harsh, but be cruel to be kind please!

Only by faith – H.Poole.

You can have faith without love but you cannot love without faith

 Our love was a beautiful disaster. I was the wreckage and you, the casualty. Separate components in the heart of complexity. We loved each other like a car crash and we carved into each other like timelines on silver birch. We tried to defy all reason and love without faith, independence becoming as normal as the maternal struggle. We had tried to fight this battle before, but we succumbed to the never ending loop of life. Like the ring that you wear around that finger.

In your monotropic mind, the idea of the perplexity of marriage encompasses you. I silently question your motives of walking me down the aisle, smiling teeth bared and thoughts fighting against sense of sound. I see the ring you wear, glamourised with harsh cut diamonds and pearls like beads on an abacus. It was such a childish error of self-preservation on your behalf. Your moral compass always was a little off, although it never did stop me from wanting to love you.

You wear that ring like it’s wrapped around you, suffocating us. The wedding: flashbacks of white roses, skin thin as paper. runs through crimson veins, purity as a white as a canvas for leaving scars to lie in faith and love and other all the other themes of our life. We will all fall, not into love or faith or hope, but into reality, that you forgot was beneath you all this time. You forgot that walking me down the aisle is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I accused you of tainted motives.

The accusation, that I so solemnly made, caught me in your whirlwind that consisted of raspberry bruises and skin splitting like silk. You quietly lay, more patient than I had ever seen you, concealing the deepest secrets that even I knew, you could never face. We had our own secrets, that each of us was getting tired of being the last to know. Even now, after denying any sense of leftover feelings of regret, we stand like what we have done is so unnatural and wrong. Our eyes emulate such ambiguity, it is futile to try and begin etching any words on paper. We think that we can go back and change our decision to love, and then you remind me that it is too late, we are as far into love, as we will ever be out of it.

Now, I am drowning in your beautiful life,. surrounded by the pressing interrogation as I watch you fall asleep. I watch your chest rising like the waves of an ocean, and sinking like a drowning child. The very face of innocence lost, because of an inevitable motion.. Fragile flaxen curls that suit your brittle frame so well. Olive eyes that shattered upon impact with reality. Milky skin that feels so painfully comforting to run my wild hands over. The jutting collarbones that I found intriguing, so perfectly broken, so unprotected by warm freckled skin. Sometimes I think about the decisions we made, and the promises we didn’t make.  I was wrong to tell you I did not have faith in you. I was desperate to love you and honesty isn’t always the best option. It has left us with scars, but the cause of the scars we share. I thought we were too independent for faith, too different. Now, we share the cause and that is the one thing our contrasted selves will ever share.

I remember sitting in the cold night air, on tender moss and relentless earth. The smell of wildflower and honeysuckle pulsing like heartbeats near our skin. You came outside to me and we sat for what seemed like a lifetime. We did not utter a single word, but the exchange of silences felt like purification. The rain started, escaping the sky, slapping our earth like our final act of independence, it was the last thing that ever happened before we found faith. Nothing and everything ended on that tender moment. We were in limbo, between the edge of faith and the uncharacteristic sober termination of love. We found faith as one. Dependent on each other.

We were lovers. Not by trade, but by faith.