Young Writers Society

Hi Ari,

Another very late review coming your way! (Sorry about that. I can't help procrastinating.)

I thought about reviewing the poems individually (and I probably still will, at least a couple of them). But I noticed that the three of them seem to be thematically connected somewhat. They are all, in their own way, expressions of despair—to your credit, you managed the maintain the mood throughout.

Also, I like that you published them together.

Thoughts on Life changes:

Life changes

If life can change,

why can't I?

Why do I have to stay the same?

You sure don't

You are a different person every day

If life can change,

why can't I?

You are a different person every day

you moved on

I wish I was more like you

Are you single?😘
Jk

Hey there! Plume here, with a review!! Since someone already covered "i wish i was more like you," I figured I'll review the other two!

Life Changes

I thought this poem was really nice! The message was pretty universal. I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to feeling stuck at some points. I especially liked the lines "inhale, exhale/But it feels like I'm not breathing." They were quite poetic, and it was a multilayered thing, I think. Since breathing is supposed to be a sort of reprieve, it shows how they're trying so hard to calm down and to fix what is wrong, but the usual motions don't work anymore. That's such a hard feeling, and I think you did a really great job capturing it in your poem.

I do have a few thoughts about the ending. It felt a little abrupt to me, and also a little out of the blue. The main conflict you presented in this poem seems to be internal, where the narrator is frustrated and/or depressed that life is moving but they can't seem to move with it. Then, in the ending, you bring up another person? It moves the poem more towards envy on the part of the narrator that kind of messed up the flow. If that's going to be your ending, I would have liked to see more hints and more intention throughout the rest of the piece. Make the perfect person mentioned at the end a motif. Put in constant comparison. Or your could also just change the ending to something more cohesive with the rest of it.

Without any hint

I really liked this poem as well! It read almost like a song, with subtle rhymes and really nice rhythms and flow. I think some of my favorite lines were "I was broken by design" and "But you can't drown what's already drowning." I feel like these really capture the hopelessness and regret that were prevalent in the poem. The vibe I'm getting from this poem is that perhaps two people had a relationship and they both made mistakes. Honestly, judging from some of the lines, it seems like the other person was more to blame, because they were the one who left.

One thing I wondered about was the deviation from the established scheme in the first stanza. You have a lot of great slant rhymes there, and then I got to the third stanza, and I was expecting about the same. You subverted my expectations, which can sometimes be good, but I feel like the last stanza could be structured a little more. I get that it's supposed to be emotive and stream-of-consciousness, but I think you achieved that effect in the first stanza while also incorporating slant rhymes. It's just something to think about.

Overall: really nice work on both of those poems! If these are personal narratives, I'm sorry that you've had to go through feeling like that <3 You're a very talented poet, and I hope you'll keep writing. Until next time!

Myth here to review for you,

ok first off, I'm only reviewing one of the poems (I wish I was more like you) to leave room for others to do the rest.
(cuz they are awesome)

so at the beginning (actually just at the title), I loved this, its an awesome poem that is really easy to relate to,

Always on your own

You never gave up

I wish I was more like you

You moved forward

I'm stuck in reverse

I love what you are doing

You finally proved

what others said was wrong

You never listened to them

I wish I was more like you.

Your message started to spread

I have so many dreams now

You moved forward

I'm still stuck in reverse

You were able to move on

I'm still clinging on to

your smile,

your touch,

your laugh,

and your words.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to move on

just know that I'm still here for you