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kys? no just run away to be the yws person you always wanted to be

by EsmerayaRose


The girl I am should be dead



The life I have now shouldn't exist



I am dead in the eyes they say




take your meds they say 



gain some weight they say





I want to run as far as my legs will take me 




and live the life of esmeraya



 I want the girl I am now to die a slow painless death




because why put her through more pain if existing was just enough?


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Stickied -- Fri Mar 31, 2023 3:36 am
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HalfheartedAmateur wrote a review...



Title: kys? no just run away to be the yws person you always wanted to be
I'm assuming "kys" stands for "kill yourself" and "yws" stands for "young writers society"?

Commentaries/Interpretations:
"The girl I am should be dead" - This is the first line of the poem and it wrecked me. Thank you so incredibly much for that. I feel like it's similar to someone asking "How are you alive?" It doesn't matter how much trauma one has, the voices inside ones head feeding one negative thoughts and feelings to the point where it has such a harmful impact upon oneself is one of the numerous one could dissect this line. It's relatable to anyone in almost any scenario or perspective (i.e. if one is transgender who was born a female but wants to transition to a male OR it could relate to mental health and ones viewpoint of themselves or personality or ones existence in itself. Anything.). To me, this line makes me want to burst into tears because of the mindset this line illustrates. Self-hatred and/or self-loathing or whatever other aspects/factors of oneself to produce this conclusion is so raw and in a way a twisted truth to what one believes their worth is. Our brain is weird like that to have a chemical imbalance.
"The life I have now shouldn't exist" - Relatable on so many levels in multiple different ways. Personally, I agree with this line for myself. You're so real for saying this.
"I am dead in the eyes they say" - This line makes me want to verbally debate someone with utter conviction and passion. This makes me want to stand up and preach about mental health and how dissecting the flaws and imperfections of a person does not help because they may already probably know this and it simply worsens ones mental health or whatever they are going through. But then again, I am too tired to speak loudly for my voice seems to be silent to them. I have given everything that I've got and they have not listened/heard me. This line is provoking and I love that.
"take your meds they say" and "gain some weight they say" - I really like the repetition you included. I can feel the intensity of the emotion of what you're conveying through the repetition as to emphasize it.
"I want to run as far as my legs will take me" - That line sort of reminded of the novel The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger. The theme of escapism is highlighted in that novel. It's an intriguing novel just as this line is enthralling.
"and live the life of esmeraya" - I feel like this is referencing a book/short story, but I can't remember. Fun fact is that esmeray means dark moon.
"I want the girl I am now to die a slow painless death" - Same here, girlie. This line feels like the calm before the storm type of heart to heart discussion during a sleepover as if we're sharing our deepest darkest secret, insecurities, hopes, and such with each other.
"because why put her through more pain if existing was just enough?" - This. Introspective, reflective, contemplative. A question that has no definite answer.

Overall:
I love this poem - it's heartfelt, insightful, thought provoking, intense, vulnerable, and raw. Beautifully written and strikes a bit too close to home which I can appreciate and cherish. Thank you for this heartwrenching masterpiece.

Side Note:
Thank you for being here, alive - breathing and existing. I appreciate and cherish you. You are a treasure to be known. You are an incredible human being. If nobody told this, I am proud of you. Your feelings are valid and your emotions are important. You matter.




EsmerayaRose says...


Thank you<33



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Stickied -- Thu Mar 30, 2023 7:59 am
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chromeletters444 wrote a review...



I'm not going to lie, reading this hit some chords within me, it has themes of escapism and dealing with the choice of either being the person other people want you to be, and being the person that's true to who it is you are on the inside.

Your prose and style of creative writing is unabashed, vivd, and emotional. Painting a picture of someone who's defying those who wish to stagnate you as you are, yet judge you deep to your core. Those who try to quantify your worth, without knowing anything about you.

This is an amazing poem, I was moved to tears, because while reading this I know that I have felt these hard emotions too. Keep writing, because one day I know the world will be moved by your words.

10/10




EsmerayaRose says...


Thank you for the feedback!!!



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Sat Apr 01, 2023 4:08 am
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Starling1105 wrote a review...



Is this about you or just something you came up with? I would recommend spacing be shortened, but you had a great opener. "The girl I am should be dead". Writing like this has a person feel things. Right away, the wording made me feel something. Reading that first sentence made me feel sad but also connected. It is not often you can read something so simple yet so complex. If this writing is about you, I hope you start to heal and don't focus on what others have to say. Allowing too much negativity in is terrible for a person as they start to believe everything being said. I hope things improve for you.




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Fri Mar 31, 2023 9:41 am
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Mikatsune wrote a review...



Hi, Mika here for a quick comment/review.

I feel that this poem is relatable in many ways. A very well-written, melancholy, heart-breaking poem. I got emotional reading this, the way you wrote was so powerful.

"The girl I am should be dead

The life I have now shouldn't exist" truly relatable. People go through a lot, and sometimes emotions can really get the better of us. A short but clear poem, it says a lot and really speaks to me. I love it. Great job! Gosh, now I'm almost in tears! Thanks for the poem, it made my day. I'm looking forward to more!




EsmerayaRose says...


Thank you for the review<33



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Fri Mar 31, 2023 3:36 am
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HalfheartedAmateur says...



Title: kys? no just run away to be the yws person you always wanted to be
I'm assuming "kys" stands for "kill yourself" and "yws" stands for "young writers society"?

Commentaries/Interpretations:
"The girl I am should be dead" - This is the first line of the poem and it wrecked me. Thank you so incredibly much for that. I feel like it's similar to someone asking "How are you alive?" It doesn't matter how much trauma one has, the voices inside ones head feeding one negative thoughts and feelings to the point where it has such a harmful impact upon oneself is one of the numerous one could dissect this line. It's relatable to anyone in almost any scenario or perspective (i.e. if one is transgender who was born a female but wants to transition to a male OR it could relate to mental health and ones viewpoint of themselves or personality or ones existence in itself. Anything.). To me, this line makes me want to burst into tears because of the mindset this line illustrates. Self-hatred and/or self-loathing or whatever other aspects/factors of oneself to produce this conclusion is so raw and in a way a twisted truth to what one believes their worth is. Our brain is weird like that to have a chemical imbalance.
"The life I have now shouldn't exist" - Relatable on so many levels in multiple different ways. Personally, I agree with this line for myself. You're so real for saying this.
"I am dead in the eyes they say" - This line makes me want to verbally debate someone with utter conviction and passion. This makes me want to stand up and preach about mental health and how dissecting the flaws and imperfections of a person does not help because they may already probably know this and it simply worsens ones mental health or whatever they are going through. But then again, I am too tired to speak loudly for my voice seems to be silent to them. I have given everything that I've got and they have not listened/heard me. This line is provoking and I love that.
"take your meds they say" and "gain some weight they say" - I really like the repetition you included. I can feel the intensity of the emotion of what you're conveying through the repetition as to emphasize it.
"I want to run as far as my legs will take me" - That line sort of reminded of the novel The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger. The theme of escapism is highlighted in that novel. It's an intriguing novel just as this line is enthralling.
"and live the life of esmeraya" - I feel like this is referencing a book/short story, but I can't remember. Fun fact is that esmeray means dark moon.
"I want the girl I am now to die a slow painless death" - Same here, girlie. This line feels like the calm before the storm type of heart to heart discussion during a sleepover as if we're sharing our deepest darkest secret, insecurities, hopes, and such with each other.
"because why put her through more pain if existing was just enough?" - This. Introspective, reflective, contemplative. A question that has no definite answer.

Overall:
I love this poem - it's heartfelt, insightful, thought provoking, intense, vulnerable, and raw. Beautifully written and strikes a bit too close to home which I can appreciate and cherish. Thank you for this heartwrenching masterpiece.

Side Note:
Thank you for being here, alive - breathing and existing. I appreciate and cherish you. You are a treasure to be known. You are an incredible human being. If nobody told this, I am proud of you. Your feelings are valid and your emotions are important. You matter.




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Thu Mar 30, 2023 4:10 pm
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NadyaStatham wrote a review...



Hi there,

I am very happy to leave you a review.

First impression: This is awesome and goes deep, I love it.

It made me wonder: "why do people always see the bad stuff and never even try and look at the great thing in life?"

If you did a thousand good things in your life and one time you stole. That bad thing is going to be stamped on your reputation forever. Even if you did a million of good thing. It's very sappy that the world works this way.

Anyway, let start with the review:

First sentence: "The girl I am should be dead"

This is a powerful way to start, you got that very on point I think. Nice way to make readers want to read on. And it also hits deep and makes you wonder. "Why should she be dead?"
It sounds like she's maybe giving up or just getting started with something. Maybe she has problems or difficulties in life she doesn't want or can't escape. We don't know.

"The life I have now shouldn't exist"

Oehhh, this is something new. Why shouldn't the life she has now not exist is the first question that pops up in my mind. Did something happen? Something really bad must have happened with her to say something like that.
Let's find out.

"I am dead in the eyes they say"

The society always has these things. Your word choice is very precise and well-chosen. I love this sentence, it might just be my favorite one 'till now of course.

"take your meds they say

gain some weight they say"

The world and it's people say a lot of things. Nothing is ever perfect for them! These sentences really represent that. I love it, the "they say" gives the sentences more meaning.

"I want to run as far as my legs will take me"

She wants to escape reality it seems, and wants to escape from everyone and everything. It seems like it's gotten too much for her. Well done! This sentence really got me.

"and live the life of esmeraya"

oehhh, she wants to be someone else. Is that sad or just good? I don't know.

"I want the girl I am now to die a slow painless death"

This is so harsh, but in a good way. She is changed and doesn't like this change it seems. I feel very bad for her. You have a nice writing style I must say. This sentence has a lot of meaning to it. (It's also one of my favorite sentences.)

"because why put her through more pain if existing was just enough?"

Good ending! Ending it with this typical questions is very amazing. It really fits right in, just like the missing piece of a puzzle.

I loved this poem very much. It really spoke to me in a different kind of way. It also reminded me of a story I wrote also about a harsh truth, "Broken mirror image."

I love reading your work! Your poems are so full of life. Keep up the great work!

- Rinisha




EsmerayaRose says...


thank you rinisha for the feedback!! and I will definitely check out broken mirror image.




We always talk about the "doers" and "dreamers" but I'd like to give a big shoutout to the "tryers".
— Hannah Hart