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What others see

by EsmerayaRose

What others see is not the real 

What others see is a bubbly girl

that  always smile

with her big blue eyes

her goals and accomplishments

are never met

She always happy

never sad

They see a perfect 15-year-old

that has a beautiful voice

with long honey brown curly hair

that's always there for you when you need her

What she sees is a horrible monster standing 

She sees a mental client that will never get well

She asked for them to take  her body and put it away

She sees an addict,

she sees a no good,

she sees a disappointment

she lay in tears in bed all night

Alone without no one by her side

She sees a girl that use to be loved

use to be happy

use to be able to wake up without this heavy feeling 

that's crushing her!

What others see is not real

what others see is not a part they want to believe

They see happy

They see that same  bubbly girl,

that left 3 years ago

Is this a review?



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9 Reviews

Points: 72
Reviews: 9

Stickied -- Fri Mar 26, 2021 10:11 pm
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RennisanceBlade wrote a review...

Wow! This is a really good poem that touches deeply on a subject close to me. The only problem there, I think, is your punctuation. There are multiple spots that could be accentuated by a coma or semi-colon. If you added those, this would be an amazing poem. Remember that you are an amazing person and that you are loved!

Emma Peterson/RennissanceBlade

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215 Reviews

Points: 130
Reviews: 215

Thu Mar 25, 2021 3:16 pm
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creaturefeature wrote a review...

'Ello there!

I like your poetry ~ I think I've read some in WFPs before and I might've left a review on some because I remember something similar to this in my recent memory span. It's a nice poem with a relatable subject, which is always a good foundation.

It's illustrated to a personal experience you've been though I assume, so commenting directly on that wouldn't be very kind of me to do; I'll just focus on ways to brighten your imagery and language, along with small nitpicks about things like formatting.

her goals and accomplishments

is never met

I'm not sure how this correlates with the whole topic at hand now because we're talking about emotions and hiding them; accomplishments not being reached could change those, but I assume they'd be quite easy to read into.

(there's also a small error with "is" vs. "are," but that's not really important because grammar can always be fixed later on.)

She always happy

never sad

I like the way the feeling of sadness is stricken though. It reminds me of something similar to pushing the bad thoughts away and planting a smile there instead, which is common for people who prefer to not let the people they care about see their distress.

I do think it would be more powerful if the whole line was stricken through because typically, "never" is considered a more negative word, so keeping everything only positive would suit the topic you've chosen a little better.

They see happy

Is there any way to make this a stronger word? I feel like that would compliment everything better because the appearance of happiness changes from person to person, so that piece of imagery will change depending on the reader.

Ah good job ~


Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
— Elbert Hubbard