Young Writers Society

'Ello there!

I like your poetry ~ I think I've read some in WFPs before and I might've left a review on some because I remember something similar to this in my recent memory span. It's a nice poem with a relatable subject, which is always a good foundation.

It's illustrated to a personal experience you've been though I assume, so commenting directly on that wouldn't be very kind of me to do; I'll just focus on ways to brighten your imagery and language, along with small nitpicks about things like formatting.

her goals and accomplishments

is never met

I'm not sure how this correlates with the whole topic at hand now because we're talking about emotions and hiding them; accomplishments not being reached could change those, but I assume they'd be quite easy to read into.

(there's also a small error with "is" vs. "are," but that's not really important because grammar can always be fixed later on.)

She always happy

never sad

I like the way the feeling of sadness is stricken though. It reminds me of something similar to pushing the bad thoughts away and planting a smile there instead, which is common for people who prefer to not let the people they care about see their distress.

I do think it would be more powerful if the whole line was stricken through because typically, "never" is considered a more negative word, so keeping everything only positive would suit the topic you've chosen a little better.

They see happy

Is there any way to make this a stronger word? I feel like that would compliment everything better because the appearance of happiness changes from person to person, so that piece of imagery will change depending on the reader.

Ah good job ~

L