z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Taste of evil

by EsmerayaRose



Time is precious,
I am but a wilted flower
darkness is my only companion
as I clasp my hands and pray
I weep for your voice

I am only your feelings.
the taste of evil


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 40
Reviews: 16

Donate
Wed Apr 26, 2023 1:10 am
AkiraBaker wrote a review...



hmm, im going to be blunt with you, okay? i think the best way to write a review is to not sugar it up and actually try to help the person, and say more than " good job it was wonderful"

i have to admit, ive never been a fan of long poems, but this one is a bit short for my taste. im just trying to pass the time and earn points, but this one was too quick for me to actually enjoy it.
nothing rhymes. i dont like poems that dont rhyme. its been a pet peeve of mine for a few years.
i like the words you chose, dark and passionate. you got to the point easily and didnt hesitate to put your emotions out there.
the title was a good choice as well, it reeled me in under the " related items" column. the poem itself wasnt very confusing, and i understand how you felt. i can also relate to you, how you feel.
overall, it was good.
bye! i believe in you! your doing great!




User avatar
118 Reviews

Points: 7737
Reviews: 118

Donate
Wed Oct 06, 2021 3:50 pm
View Likes
Coffeeboyjay wrote a review...



hey ari i im here to give you a quick review i hope you enjoy this review

so lets get started with your poem ari

First ari what made wanna come up with such a nice good poem ari i im glad ari that you make some inspiring poems ari and ari i love the way when you and gem collab together ari and i wanna know and is y'all next collab together ari and just now some of the poems i like is when you make them about roses and thats when i im like ari is so much good at her poetry and ari keep up the good work

My compliment is ari when did you start doing poems anyway how did you start getting good at them i be seeing people be saying that you such good at poetry and is true you are through ari and i im glad we got so much poetry people in the world now

How you can improve is ari keep doing your best and keep up the good work ari and hopefully i see new more work from you ari and i im glad that i had the chance to read a such lovely poem ari

Keep writing ari and have a nice day!!

-jay




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for your kind review.<333



Random avatar

Points: 171
Reviews: 36

Donate
Thu Jun 24, 2021 10:23 pm
View Likes
JohnKlue wrote a review...



Short yet still very poignant.
I am picking up the theme of falling from grace.
"I am but a wilted flower" something that was beautiful that has now died.
"Time is precious," A setup to the next line affirming the worldview of this narrator.

"darkness is my only companion as I clasp my hands and pray" This line implies that the narrator sees themself as alone or hated by what though? God, Man, Self?

I interpret the narrator as being similar to Lucifer from Paradise Lost, since they seem to have the same worldview.

"I weep for your voice I am only a feeling." This line sold me on the idea that this is Lucifer because this verse dose not express empathy but rather pity. And even a brief indication of a condescending true nature.

"the taste of evil" okay, compared to the spiritual sadness the rest of the poem radiates, this part is kinda just okay.

But overall I really liked this it very much reminded me of Paradise Lost by John Milton.
Keep up the good work.




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for the review!!<333



User avatar
70 Reviews

Points: 789
Reviews: 70

Donate
Thu Jun 24, 2021 3:59 am
View Likes
anne27 wrote a review...



Hi ! Anne here for a review!!

I have to admit, your title was so attractive. It promised a great poem and also kept that promise.

I loved this short and sweet poem. The expressions used were amazing.
'Wilted flower' is such a beautiful expression to use when talking about any incident in life. It reminds us that misery usually follows happiness. And after blooming, a flower wilts too. And it was even more amazing used in the poem, since it seemed to mourn for loss of someone special. Then follows, 'darkness is my only companion'- another great one. I do hope you have a fight with that companion though, so that you're able to befriend it's enemy- light.

as I clasp my hands and pray
I weep for your voice

This was so beautiful. To me , it meant, that whoever that person is, was so special, that s/he is remembered along with God. Which is a big thing, to say the least.
One other thing I wanted to say was that even though all expressions were beautiful, some transitions were not that smooth. If it's done to create an effect, the okay.
Like the transition from time is precious, to a wilted flower, doesn't sound really smooth.
That is just my opinion.

Otherwise, great job. Keep writing :)




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for the review!!!<333



User avatar
21 Reviews

Points: 220
Reviews: 21

Donate
Wed Jun 23, 2021 11:18 pm
View Likes
ArctiWolf wrote a review...



I was scrolling through the Green Room and your title immediately caught my attention.

Time is precious,
I am but a wilted flower
darkness is my only companion
as I clasp my hands and pray
I weep for your voice

I am only your feelings.
the taste of evil

I love the cadence of this poem, I can tell that you have something going on with the way you've placed the syllables. I tend to create a similar cadence using rhyme when I write poetry. I really like how you described evil in this poem.

I like your poem a lot and wouldn't change a thing. I look forward to seeing more from you. Until then, happy writing!




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for the review



User avatar
221 Reviews

Points: 155
Reviews: 221

Donate
Wed Jun 23, 2021 7:07 pm
View Likes
dissonance wrote a review...



Hello there BrokenHeartsAri!

Looking at the title, it caught my interest. The idea of describing evil from the way it tastes is exciting because the first thing I thought of was food. That isn't the case with this, but it's still a funny connection I think. Of course, I believe you were describing how some people use the term taste with people who have had karma come back for them because of their bad deeds, or even vengeance being described in that kind of way.

Now, into the actual contents of the poem~

Time is precious,


One of the most common idea pairs I see in poetry is time being matched with something negative. It works because impermanence as a whole is something greatly feared by people because of how erratic it can become, and my family would always mention how time is unreliable whenever they had the chance to growing up. That first line is definitely a good one because it makes the reader question, and it has theme.

Then, we have our next line. It's about flowers that have died, which can be connected to the previous line if you look at the cycle of life and how everything dies in some time. Flowers are known to die quickly depending on things as well. These kind of nature references in poetry are always things that I enjoy because of how meaningful they could be to someone, and this is a great example of what I mean with that.

Next we have a few lines and I have some things to say~
darkness is my only companion
as I clasp my hands and pray
I weep for your voice


This is completely irrelevant to the rest of the lines that occurred before this. If you look at those lines and then here, these ones feel like a whole new poem. I think that consistency in theme and subject is a big thing in this poem, and it's the main thing holding it back from it's highest poetic potential. That's kind of a overly purple way to express it on my end, but that's what it seems like from where I am standing right now.

The last lines match everything I mentioned above about drifting topics too quickly within a small poem like this, but since that is the last line and arguably the most important part of the poem, mentioning it again shows how much it matters here.

Lastly, here is a map of all of the ideas present~
1. time changing and how the narrator values it a lot.
2. flowers and how impermanent they seem.
3. darkness being the only thing that remains the same.
4. mentions of someone crying for an unknown figure.
5. the evil food returns.

I think that sums it up. Nice work!

Cheers!




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for the review!!




Defeat has its lessons as well as victory.
— Pat Buchanan