Young Writers Society

This is pretty long for a prologue, so I would ask that you focus on how I can cut down my words, as I'm struggling at the moment. If you think there are other issues, or I don't need to cut them down, then please mention that also.

I've done to the best of my current ability to ensure that every line has meaning and is not just fluff. This is also an important scene for later on in the story, so it's relevant. You may be from the future and reading this after I've put out Chapter One (because I know some people avoid prologues like the plague) and the tone in the first chapter is different to this one. I am aware of this, and it is intentional. But be sure to criticize anything you feel needs it. 

I'm just putting this here to make sure you critique on things which need it. I've put a lot of thought into this story, and I need to maximise the feedback I get on it - all of which is appreciated. Thanks for reading this long note, and thanks if you manage through the even longer prologue.

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Few things pleased Inah as much as the sight of a pretty, young and dying girl. Her arms were folded as she held her in her telekinetic grip. The girl was silent – mostly. The occasional whimper would find its way out – they always did. There was a strong tingling sensation funnelling through her like a cold shiver; not due to any chill breeze.

Xiaa – her ‘servant’ – silently observed from behind.

They stood in the centre chamber of a derelict temple. Decaying statues of all sizes hung upon the walls, portraying winged, scaly beasts. Some made of gold, some of stone. With mouths wide open, where flames of orange and blue sat within. There was no apparent pattern or meaning to them. They were barely visible behind the overgrown moss which had consumed the temple’s stone walls. Despite the room's aroma of freshness, it was the rubble that littered the room, and the dull stone that did ought to create a dismal surrounding. 

Inah stared coldly at the child, her small, frail body gradually deteriorating. Her skin, once smooth, became hard as stone and formed cracks. Her blonde hair greyed and her warm innocent smile turned cold and lifeless.

“T-thank you.” The girl whispered with exasperation.

A sigh sounded through the chamber. It was Xiaa.

Inah ignored her, remaining focused on the young girl, “Thank you,” she said softly, “Your dedication to the cause is duly noted.”

The girl let out a small sigh of relief and slowly closed her eyes. A damp stream trailed out from the sealed lids as Inah tightened her telekinetic grip on her. The tingling sensation intensified, and then suddenly stopped.

“She’s gone.” Inah said monotonously. She flung the body to the side where it landed upon a pile of several others.

Inah glared at the stack of corpses for a moment. They lay lifeless, dressed in their customary black robes. All of them baring the same stone-like, cracked skin. They were girls who had once enjoyed blissful ignorance and dreamt a pretty prince would rescue them from a life of mediocrity. That was until she came… and brought with her a reality-shattering truth. And though she were no pretty prince, she believed herself to be their rescuer all the same.

Their sacrifices will pave the way, she thought.

Inah raised her hand up to the stony ceiling reaching out to the invisible darkness that surrounded the room. She gripped it, and pulled on it, dragging it into the light. Thick dark mists began to form. Slowly descending from the ceiling in four large thick lines, as though it were bleeding. Where each line met the ground a pool of mist began to spread.

Inah watched with an odd, unfamiliar feeling. She felt warm inside, and her lips curved.

Everything is going right this time.

Upon focusing on the dark trails of mist, she noticed it had covered the entire ground in the square-shaped space the lines had formed. It was time.

“All life is born from darkness,” Inah said. Her lips pressed into a smile still. “And all shall end in darkness.”

She clicked her gloved fingers. A crackle of dark energy surged within the lines – like pylons. The energy channelled through the long, dark strands until they finally shot out towards each other. The crackles echoed through the chamber. And in the square’s centre a deep, swirling pool formed.

Though it looked like a wormhole, it was not as devastating or chaotic, but a strong breeze blew, forcing her long, black gown and veil to flutter, her outfit and hair almost indistinguishable from the now visible surrounding mists of darkness that flooded the chamber. 

“Inah,” Xiaa snapped.

Inah shot her a regarding glance over her shoulder. As usual, her slender figure was draped in a grey, sleeveless and hooded gown, trimmed to reveal her upper body. Her eyes were concealed behind a red blindfold, which had long straps falling out of the front of the hood, that were tightly wrapped around her arm – she apparently disliked having loose items of clothing. She held her beloved red umbrella, opened above her head. Though it was an awkward look, it was Xiaa's look. Her scarlet lips was the only observable feature on her face, yet Xiaa guessed she was frowning.

“Will this work?” she said

“Of course,” Inah said, turning her attention back to the dark whirlpool. “I should have more than enough power to anchor the gate. Are you still uncertain?”

“I fail to see how this is necessary, Xiaa said apprehensively, “I’m not sure this was part of the plan. Didn’t you say-”

“No, Xiaa.” Inah countered. “I told you I would do whatever was necessary to end the Cycle.”

“And are you not concerned about the consequences of this? To summon so much darkness…”

“I have that covered,” Inah directed her gaze towards the pile of dead bodies, “Those girls gave up their lives, their futures, so that our Sisters could keep theirs. I would never do anything that would risk violating their faith.”

Inah shook her head, “I thought you were with me on this. I knew you would be doubtful to begin with, but you’ve had several lifetimes to think about it.”

“Perhaps if we spent that time actually discussing things, it would be easier. I don’t know what thoughts possess your mind anymore. I don’t know what drives you.”

It was true; Inah had not spent much time briefing Xiaa on the details of her plans, or her mind’s inner-workings. She knew what Xiaa wanted. She wanted someone to talk to, share stories with, debate and duel with, someone who would complement her impeccable sense of fashion. She wanted a friend. However, Inah had lost that part of herself long ago, and had yet to get it back.

Perhaps she would be better off without me. She thought. No! I can’t do that – I need her.

Xiaa was immortal, which made her essential to ending the Cycle. And for all her indecisiveness and complaints, Inah knew she would keep her in check, and ensure they were on the correct path to their goal.

“You never ask me of my plans anymore.” Inah said.

She was good at deflecting the blame onto others. A talent to which she owed her life several times over.

Xiaa sighed. "Fine. So, tell me then. How on Aiga would unleashing this darkness save the world exactly?”

Inah stretched her gloved hand out to the swirling pool of darkness. A sudden monstrous growling sound emerged from within. The sound filled the room. Various bits of debris fell as the walls and ceiling crumbled. The room… no, the temple itself shook.

“All life is born from darkness,” Inah whispered “And all shall end in darkness. Light prevails… until its inevitable return. The endless sea of dark. Nothing can stop its overwhelming current. It devours all in its path, paving the way for a new birth.”

She had not completely avoided Xiaa’s question in saying that. She simply gave a less… direct and slightly more cryptic response.

Xiaa let out a huff of annoyance, which Inah noted.

Perhaps I have withheld too much from her. I can’t let her lose faith in me – not now. We’ve come too far.

Inah chuckled, “How the darkness would save the world, you ask? The only way it can.” She spun on her black, velvet heels. Her black gown severing the mist with her sharp speed. Her dark-red eyes glistened as she grinned eagerly.

“By drowning it.”