Young Writers Society

I like the constant structure of this poem, it's very fluent to read and it flows effectively. It reminds me of a dystopian fiction movie where people have to blend in to society, and then you begin to realise that that's our world today.
My favourite line was:

'on the outside

we all are in line'

because I feel like by combining the two words outside and line, it leaves a strong impression on the audience.

Maybe, could you have the opposite lines joined together like Spearmint said? And then you could replace the second word for one that rhymes with the other:

'On the outside,
we are all in line
On the inside,
There is only chaos and crime'

This is completely up to you, and the poem is awesome the way it is.

I enjoyed reading this

I reviewed the other posting of this poem and then I saw your note about mistakenly double posting. If you'd like, I can give you some points to make up for the 200 spent with this mistake from the points I got for reviewing your work.

Hello! I also don't have a ton of experience with poetry, so my opinion isn't quite as seasoned as I would like it to be. I would like to say that I am always impressed with people who keep up rhyme schemes. I have always struggled with them, and keeping a steady beat and rhyme here was a feat. That being said, I think you can stray from it a bit if you want! One of the problems with rhyme schemes is that if you have more to say, you can get stuck in the rhyme and not be able to say it. I feel like you had a lot more to say with this poem, so feel free to do away with this particular rhyming pattern and say it! Fantastic work, and I love the message of this piece!

Hi, this is Spearmint here for a quick review! First off, I admire your dedication to getting your ideas down— too often, I end up forgetting my own ideas... so yeah, it’s great that you were able to type up this poem! Also, I liked your point about how we’re all not as fine or perfect as we may seem; there’s a real honesty in that. It reminds me of the song “Truth be Told” by Matthew West (“I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine, oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine, but I’m not...”). So yeah, nice start!
One thing I think would make your poem even better is to add some kind of transition between the two parts (“are” and “are not”). For example, maybe you could do something like:
on the outside
we all fit the design
*but...*
on the inside
we are not all fine...
And also if you’re planning to extend this poem, I’d suggest adding more to the end about what we can do, or what we should change, so that our outsides harmonize with our insides. Like, maybe something about how it’s okay to not be fine?
Those are just my thoughts; overall I really enjoyed your poem and I hope you’ll keep writing!

Hi this is the author in for a quick note, this was NOT meant to be in essays and articles. It WAS supposed to be in poems and general. so sorry for the mix up.