Young Writers Society

Hey, Em16
I have noticed that you have written a number of stories and poems. Thats great ! But I just want to ask ,that how do you get such wonderful topics to write on?
I really cant of anything to write ,so please do tell me how you get such topics??
I am curious.
Okay ! Now back to your poem. Its just wonderful!

1. The fact [ lovely].
2. We sit on opposite sides of the room
Staring at different walls I am actually always finding faults at the beginning but to my surprise, this time I wasnt.
3. The fact is just wonderful!!! This is a real fact...

4. I loved how you compared memories to be the walls.

Just lovely!
Keep writing!

From Sulagna

Hey there!
You've managed to write another beautiful poem. I've noticed you are pretty consistent in the format of your poems - stanzas of four lines each. It makes it seem like all of your poems are connected and tell a story together. Nice job on this poem! I only have a few things to point out. Of course, feel free not to listen to everything I say!

There’d be a trapdoor hidden
In one of your your thick walls.

You repeated "your" twice. I barely noticed it until I read your poem a second time.

His name was Herbert,
And he died six months
After you got him.
You buried him in the backyard.

I like how in the previous stanza you mentioned how he told you about his goldfish. Like LittleLee said, it's a simple memory, and that's what makes your poem personal. But personally for me, this entire stanza could be deleted. I feel like it provides no purpose to the overall message of this poem, and it seems out of place. In the previous stanza, you already mentioned the goldfish, so I don't think there is any point to elaborate on it further. This is just my suggestion, so you don't have to take it

In the worn out walls of memory.

I like how you turned memories into a wall, and you further described it as being worn. The word should be hyphenated though, so it's worn-out. You can find it spelled "worn out" on the Internet, but I've always been told to correct it by making it hyphenated in real life, as well as on here. This is just a nitpick though!

Overall, this is another lovely poem, and I enjoyed reading it! I hope this helped <3

Hi Em16! It's Shade here to do a review.

First off I have to say that this was a very beautifully written poem. The verses were short, but I personally like that better than long ones. I didn't see any problems with it, it was all easy to understand, and the topic was a great one to choose. My favorite stanza was the one about the day in the park. It described the scene that they were in with so little words, yet you could still picture it.
I don't really make a habit of reviewing poetry often, especially not poems as good as yours, but I thought I'd give it a try and I'm sorry if this was useless to you. I genuinely could not find any bad points.
Keep writing!
-Shade

Here I am to drop off a review in the name of Team Tortoise!

This poem is light and nice to read. I do like the slight sense of abstracted writing I get. It may be unintentional, but I've always enjoyed reading poetry like that. There aren't many things I can point out, so this will be a rather short review. Here goes.

I know you've done it intentionally, but some lines are way shorter than others. As a result, while reading, there were too many brief pauses and continuations for my liking. This does have a tendency to disrupt the smooth flow of poems, but that in itself is a style, I suppose.

That day in the park
The sting of winter
And the flush on your cheeks
Telling me about your pet goldfish.

But I am the only one
Who felt the darkness invade
The one covered in scars
From your lost affection.

There’d be a trapdoor hidden

I was sure that trapdoor