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To All the Boys Who Never Texted Me Back: P.S. I Still Hate You

by Em16


To All the Boys Who Never Texted Me Back,

Are you in a coma? Are you stuck in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness? Are you secretly Batman and have cut all ties with me because I was on the verge of finding out your secret identity? Are you a wanted criminal? Or is it something else?

You know, it’s been two weeks and I’m starting to suspect what it is. I know you’re still alive, because I’ve seen your posts on Instagram. But you still haven’t responded to my text, so the only logical conclusion is that you are a jerk. A jerk who just doesn’t want to expand any energy communicating with me.

Thanks a lot.

The first few hours, it doesn’t bother you. They have a game, you tell yourself. Sports practice. Or they’re just lazy (as all teenage boys inevitably are). But after 3-5 business days? After a month? Ever?

To everyone who just decided not to respond to my texts, I have something to say to you. Keep ignoring me. Please. Let’s not make this a one time thing. Let’s make this a forever thing. In fact, let’s take it a step further. Let’s go back in time, and pretend we never met. Pretend I never sat next to you, pretend you never talked to me, pretend you don’t know my absolute favorite movie in the world is Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (talk about lost dreams, huh?). Pretend you never read this and pretend you don’t know it’s referring to you. Unfollow me on Instagram, and I’ll unfollow you, and I can get my heart rate back to normal. Your heart can go back to being completely and totally nonexistent.

Seriously. I don’t care. It was never a big deal, anyway. It’s not like I sat on my bed “reading” Gone With the Wind and checking my phone every ten minutes, even though the ringer was on and I would hear it if anyone texted me. It’s not like I jumped when I saw the little notification in the corner of my screen, even though it was just my best friend texting me. It’s not like I spent my evenings staring at the mirror and pulling my hair out. It’s not like I unplugged and plugged in my WiFi router countless times, thinking there was something wrong with my connection. It’s not like I emailed Apple to say there there was something with my phone, and they just emailed me back and said no, there’s nothing wrong with your phone, but there could be something wrong with your head, and if you’d call this toll-free hotline-

No. Clearly, I don’t care at all. And If you texted me back right now, I would clearly ignore you. Because you don’t deserve a response. I wouldn’t pounce on my phone like a teacher catching a student texting. I wouldn’t pull out my thesaurus and try to pack my answer with the biggest, most impressive words I could find. I wouldn’t write and re-write my response and still have a panic attack when I hit send. I wouldn’t be completely devastated when you ignored me again. No. No, I’m beyond all that.

I’m now going to eat a giant pint of Ben and Jerry’s and look at pictures of Niall Horan and hope he convinces me the world isn’t all bad.

Sincerely,

EM

P.S. I still hate you.


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59 Reviews


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Sat Mar 28, 2020 5:42 pm
Tawsif wrote a review...



Wow, unbelievable!
This was fantastically honest. I loved howvyou used deep irony in your examples throughout this poece. Anyone with a heart would feel sympathetic reading this. And I'm a really sentimental kid, so, you can guess....

I found only this one: 'l emailed Apple to say there there was something with my phone.....' You repeated the word 'there'.

I loved this. Would love to read more from you.

Keep WRITING.




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Sat Mar 28, 2020 6:01 am
Watermelon.sugar wrote a review...



this is me right now, I ended up crushing hard which suck because the guy never responds and by the end of this I ended up actually crying because this is so real and I do a lot of this because I think I'm going crazy and it's not them just not responding. you do a fantastic job hitting basically every angle and making sure that he knows your pain and that everyone else understands.

I'm so sorry this guy isn't responding back you're probably too good for him anyway. :)




Em16 says...


I totally understand what you're feeling. It just drives you crazy. I hope someday you will find someone who does text you back :)



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Thu Mar 26, 2020 10:31 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...



The sarcasm and sass came across just right - this was equal parts humorous and tragic, which can be a really great combination. I would love to see this written as some sort of prose-poem or even just a free-verse poem, I think if condensed this could be very powerful. I think I also have to agree a few of the other reviewers that one of my favorite parts was the title!

One aspect that I thought could be improved upon, is it seemed to flip back and forth on whether this was about one particular subject or a whole bunch of subjects that the narrator had texted. I think it might feel more direct if it was just about one person, but either way I think it could be clarified.

Overall a really enjoyable piece to read, and one that is highly relateable! <3

All the best,

alliyah




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12 Reviews


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Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:12 pm
Zenith says...



Just wanted to say that I found it sort of funny, as in the batman reference. And I definitely liked the fact that you mentioned Spy Kids 2 and Niall.
Keep Writing! ^_^




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Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:12 pm
MiniGem26 says...



I like this. It is sassy and realistic. Heck, it's real, real as real gets. <3




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Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:11 pm
Zenith says...



Just wanted to say that I found it sort of funny, as in the batman reference. And I definitely liked the fact that you mentioned Spy Kids 2 and Niall.
Keep Writing! ^_^




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Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:47 pm
GigiNicole17 wrote a review...



Frist off, I LOVEEE the cute title(I love both of hte movies, I'm married to Jordan Fisher aka John Ambrose, and LOVEEEEEEEE the books) You did an amazing job with this. It was brutally honest, with some dark humor. You have an amazing gift! You had my attention the entire time. This was so relatable! You're amazing!!




Em16 says...


Thank you so much! I love the movies too (though I think Peter can be a little annoying sometimes).



GigiNicole17 says...


Peter is VERY ANNOYING!!!! Sometimes I just wat to reach through the TV and give him a slap, hoping that will knock some sense into him



Em16 says...


Yes!!!! Me too!!!! Especially when he's being too friendly with Gen.



GigiNicole17 says...


yeah, and the fact that he was waiting for Gen in the hot tub



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Wed Mar 25, 2020 12:44 pm
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BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...



Hi@EM16.Honestly, the title was well written. All the emotions of frustration,impatience, sarcasm all could be felt.The eagerness of receiving the message and the disappointment when the reply does not come and trying every way possible for it.And if you are reverted back how you feel and reply. I liked that part very much.
Overall I felt it was a short,simple and very well written piece. And I wish you find someone who would always reply to your messages.
Best wishes for your future works.
From:Bhavya




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Tue Mar 24, 2020 9:25 pm
PhoenixEmberly wrote a review...



As I read this, I felt like I could relate to it. I too have plenty of friendships with people who never initiate the conversation with me. They ignore me, losing interest in my very existence. I find that to be a strength to this piece, because plenty of people can likely relate to this in some way. It's through that relational that people find it easier to become invested in your work, so your subject matter is certainly a good one.

I found some of the text mysteriously comedic, which didn't seem to fit the tone of the rest of it. The overall theme felt solemn and somewhat hateful, but the lines about eating ice cream and staring at Niall Hordan photos, as well as the opening lines wondering what he was doing that made him unresponsive was a bit out there, for lack of better term? I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, and maybe it is a result of my subjective sense of humor, but it did do a good job at setting up how you feel about those boys, I will admit.

Altogether, I thought this was really well done. It got the message across well and it was an easy topic to relate to. Despite the odd moments where the sentence seemed to contrast the overall tone, that was only a minor nitpick to what was overall pretty good.

P.S, hope you find a boy who will text back, as he should.





There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.
— J.K. Rowling