Hello there! You've already got two reviews here, but since this is a piece that I feel could be great if treated with a good supply of improvement, I'm going to offer my own criticism
I think a good, general piece of advice for you would be that your readers can't read your mind. They don't know what you know; you have to tell them. It's a problem that I actually think I personally struggled with at one point, and maybe that's why I think it's so glaring. It's really obvious that you have all these scenes beautifully painted in your mind, but you're not conveying it to readers! An important skill is to be able to read your own work blindly; as if you're a reader who has no idea what's going on. I found myself entirely confused as to what Mila was, picturing her as another human for the entire story. I found myself confused at the scene of the tree falling: how fast was it falling; why did Jen not notice the very obvious danger? A lot of this just doesn't make the sense the way you've expressed it; which is why you need to practice expressing your ideas!
Since this is such a small extract, there's not too much more to say. Your characters aren't very well developed, but I suppose this is just a small action scene, and there wasn't much opportunity. Your main focus should definitely be on trying to get better at telling the story that's in your mind. Btw, you have the nice skill of describing motion and action really well. You should try to use that; it's a good strength to have
Points: 13147
Reviews: 108
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