z

Young Writers Society



grey island

by Dynasty cow


The patting of the rain and the howling of the wind made it hard to make out the strange noises , a distant "help"possibly of prehaps another trap set by the clowns .

Six years i had been stranded on this island , all alone . At first i thought i was the only one , but then the whispering came ,along with the traps to kill me . I had called them clowns to make them less scary but i think its done the opposite, for i am now terrefied by the word .

This isnt your average island with the swaying coconut trees and the constant glare of the sun over the blue waters , no if that was the case i would go out of the cave that is now my home more often. This island was dence woodland with grey clouds allways hanging over it , the creatures were few and i mainly lived on fruits and if im lucky a squrral .

next part coming soon


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4075 Reviews


Points: 251013
Reviews: 4075

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Mon Jul 27, 2020 10:04 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: This is a lovely idea and a great start to a story if a little short. I would have definitely kept reading if this. I might just go looking for a second part if there is one. You capture a sense of fear immediately and hook the readers in very well. There's definitely some really creepy vibes coming from the setup to it.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The patting of the rain and the howling of the wind made it hard to make out the strange noises , a distant "help"possibly of prehaps another trap set by the clowns .

Six years i had been stranded on this island , all alone . At first i thought i was the only one , but then the whispering came ,along with the traps to kill me . I had called them clowns to make them less scary but i think its done the opposite, for i am now terrefied by the word .

This isnt your average island with the swaying coconut trees and the constant glare of the sun over the blue waters , no if that was the case i would go out of the cave that is now my home more often. This island was dence woodland with grey clouds allways hanging over it , the creatures were few and i mainly lived on fruits and if im lucky a squrral .


A few spelling mistakes in this one.
The words that are in bold have to be changed to...
perhaps
terrified
dense
always
squirrel

And that's about all there is to point out there. The 'I''s haven't been capitalized and that's also an issue. Besides that the way you've started off and the little description of the island are all well done.

Overall: It was a fun little story to read. I enjoyed it quite a bit. The whole 'clowns' and how it has changed from a less scary word to a scary word brings a lot of mystery to this and it was a great idea to include that in there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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118 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 118

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Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:17 pm
*Twilight* wrote a review...



I like the plot idea. If you are trying to decide which of your stories to continue this would be the one in my opinion. It is more original than your other stories.

There are a few minor grammar mistakes and a few misspelled words. Remember the grammatical rule if an "I" is by itself you always capitalize it. That makes your work look much better.

You should also run your stories through the spell checking program. All you have to do is click the spell check button next to the submit button.





If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke