Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well...14 years after this was written unfortunately this is still very relevant if not more relevant and that is definitely quite sad. Quite some emotion brought out here. You can definitely figure out the message in this one. Its the bitter truth unfortunately. For a short story it certainly does a good job of showing its message quite clearly and very effectively. But there are some nitpicks.
Anyway let's get right to those,
Things could of turned out differently , you know.
That should be have.
Humans on Earth are the dominent,the other spicieses that live on the side do not matter. They are nothing, they were created to feed and entertain us but in the end they are grains of sand compared to the boulder of mankind. Great tales of myth show these people rising up and taking down humanity , but myth it remains.
This is quite the powerful way to start things off by getting right to the point which is great. A few mistakes. Those should be dominant, species and that word should be replaced with Earth. There should also be the word species after dominant or it doesn't quite make sense.
People, animals are not people I here you say. Well think, why were they made . You think they have no life and they wander this world thinking nothing , feeling nothing just surviving for the sake of survivel . No, they do feel , think , talk and live .They have not the logic to gather and make a stand against us.But if they could , they would. They would kill every single one of us and they have right to do so.We have destroyed there homes , not for survival but to own wooden furniture , we have murdered there children ,not for food , but for entertainment.We have slautered them in there billions , for food yes, But for food that is not neccesary, we kill family after family to throw half eaten carcasses in the bin . We have wiped out entire races , so we can have ourmohogany tables . And this is the one that disturbs me , what is different from the white tigers slowly dieing out to mankind collapsing. Nothing . What if i were to tell you we are the grains of sand and the gorilas beat us in the race of eveloution . And they want the bamboo we eat so they can have there chairs , the last of our kind are forced to the mountains were we dwell , now they want the gems in the mountain caves , so they mine , chop through the trees to clear the ground , we are a nusiance so we are shot . We have now gone from the planet , never to return , we are extinct.
Quite a few words there that are not spelled correctly but besides that its a very powerful image that you are creating here. It is definitely getting quite the message across to the readers.
The spelling errors are:
survival
slaughtered
necessary
mahogany
dying
gorillas
evolution
nuisance
Aaaand that's about it for this one.
Overall: It's quite a powerful message like I said earlier and you bring it out in a pretty unique and effective way. It's a nice little story there. Despite the small spelling errors this works does it's job really well.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 261340
Reviews: 4131
Donate