Hey there! Old, but has less than two reviews, so here I am!
This piece is pretty cool! I like how you compare mankind to a "killer virus" (which I find a bit "funny" given the situation of the world today). I like how well you compare mankind to a virus, using words/ideas like "symptoms" and "short term and long term effects." I can feel the negative energy behind this piece which is really nice. I'm going to point out some of my thoughts and grammar things if you don't mind!
I am going to talk about the worst conflict that the world has ever seen.
I don't think it's very formal or "professional" to start something with "I am going to talk about this" because the reader should be able to know what you are talking about without you stating it exactly.
but it’s mostly known as “Mankind”.
The period should be inside the quotation, not outside
It damages plants, animals- heck! - it even hurts itself.
I like this sentence, especially the latter part, but like the other reviewer said, I don't think "heck" really works.
It believes itself “intelligent”.
Same thing here with the quote and period. Like the other reviewer said, you start a lot of sentences with "It" which I would try to avoid. It does tend to bore readers when you have a lot of repetition.
It destroys trees and other vegetation to clear space and make “houses” and “buildings”.
Do you really need these quotations? I could be missing something, and in that case, pardon me
Mankind simply cut down more trees, and through more mountains.
"cut" should be "cuts." You don't need the comma here, but I'm not quite understanding what you mean by the latter part of the sentence. What is mankind doing to the mountains? Some clarification would be great here! <3
And not only this, but it is now spreading itself into the universe, where it will continue to create chaos not only on this planet, but others as well.
Ooh, I think this is a cool sentence/idea because you're implying we will go to other planets as well!
Pain, fear, and destruction are most obviously the short term, along with war and religion.
Destruction and war and religion don't really seem short term to me.
But that’s no matter, because if you can read this you’ve almost definitely already caught it.
I love your closing sentence. It's like a wake up call to the reader. This whole piece is very eye opening.
And that's it! Overall, I love the idea behind this piece. I think you did a good job executing this. My main thing would be to switch up your sentence structure and give a more formal feeling to this piece, if that's what you're going for. I hope this helped!
Points: 29825
Reviews: 465
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