The Plague
I am going to talk about the worst conflict that the world has ever seen. Now, this conflict is a plague. There isn’t really a name for this plague, but it’s mostly known as “Mankind”. Mankind is a killer virus. It wreaks destruction on every single thing it comes by. It damages plants, animals- heck! - it even hurts itself. But Mankind is a very arrogant disease. It believes itself “intelligent”. It thinks that because it can create things, it is more capable than anything else on Earth. But in reality, the things it creates only helps its destruction. It destroys trees and other vegetation to clear space and make “houses” and “buildings”. In these buildings, it creates “cars” and other machinery that helps it spread itself. However, cars need “roads” to work, and to create roads, Mankind simply cut down more trees, and through more mountains.
Mankind also believes it knows everything. And if it doesn’t, then it digs deeper until it does. This results in several things. It could simply end in nothing except further knowledge (and therefore further arrogance) for the virus, but most often it results in damage or death to Earth and the species occupying it. And not only this, but it is now spreading itself into the universe, where it will continue to create chaos not only on this planet, but others as well.
Symptoms of this plague are both short term and long term. Pain, fear, and destruction are most obviously the short term, along with war and religion. Death, ruin, and havoc are the long term, though those are usually accompanied with the short term symptoms as well.
There is no cure for Mankind. There is barely even anything to help the symptoms. A few medicines for those are indifference, idiocy, and obliviousness, though they aren’t promised to last for long. Ages this disease can be caught in is estimated somewhere between seven and up. If you believe you show signs of Mankind, then there is nothing you can do. But that’s no matter, because if you can read this you’ve almost definitely already caught it.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there! Old, but has less than two reviews, so here I am!
This piece is pretty cool! I like how you compare mankind to a "killer virus" (which I find a bit "funny" given the situation of the world today). I like how well you compare mankind to a virus, using words/ideas like "symptoms" and "short term and long term effects." I can feel the negative energy behind this piece which is really nice. I'm going to point out some of my thoughts and grammar things if you don't mind!
I don't think it's very formal or "professional" to start something with "I am going to talk about this" because the reader should be able to know what you are talking about without you stating it exactly.
The period should be inside the quotation, not outside
I like this sentence, especially the latter part, but like the other reviewer said, I don't think "heck" really works.
Same thing here with the quote and period. Like the other reviewer said, you start a lot of sentences with "It" which I would try to avoid. It does tend to bore readers when you have a lot of repetition.
Do you really need these quotations? I could be missing something, and in that case, pardon me
"cut" should be "cuts." You don't need the comma here, but I'm not quite understanding what you mean by the latter part of the sentence. What is mankind doing to the mountains? Some clarification would be great here! <3
Ooh, I think this is a cool sentence/idea because you're implying we will go to other planets as well!
Destruction and war and religion don't really seem short term to me.
I love your closing sentence. It's like a wake up call to the reader. This whole piece is very eye opening.
And that's it! Overall, I love the idea behind this piece. I think you did a good job executing this. My main thing would be to switch up your sentence structure and give a more formal feeling to this piece, if that's what you're going for. I hope this helped!
How depressing! Lol, but anyway...it's pretty well written...just got a couple of nitpicks....so here goes!
I'd get the thesaurus out and look for another word for conflict....it doesn't sound right in this context being used twice in such close proximity
Don't like the use of "heck" here...it doesn't fit in with the rest of the more eloquent language you've used so far!
Oh, and as a more general comment, try not to start so many sentences with the word "It"....that kind of repetition doesn't have much of an effect other than boring people....
When writing formally, and yo obviously are here as it is an essay...I was always taught to not start a sentence with And
Pm me if you want anymore help