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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone Language

Love or greed

by Daniel14


                                 Love or greed

                                                  -Daniel tondikatti

The new world where i live,

The world with just its own need.

Where love is nothing more than a weed,

And greed is what the life does lead.

Long in my childhood i did hear,

That for love men and women did tear,

And now i see,

Where its become nothing much but just a game that easily does flee.

What is this love?

Where i see a thousands give their lives.

For something that was just LIES.

Why is this a world like this?

Where mother's love is a duty,

And father's love is some just fun.

Why is this world like this?

Where the fake love and emotions,

Mean much more than the parents love and affection.

Why is this world like this?

Where love is just greed,

And something that is kept just to fulfill its own pleasurable need.

Why is this world’s love like this?

Where sister's and friends love is just a dream,

While the world sees nothing just hatred for its own creed.

Why is this world's love like this?

Where money and power for love is shown,

And the true feelings for someone is just thrown.

Why is this world’s love like this?

Where trust and hearts are breakable,

And the greed for money and pleasure is just unmeasureable.

And now i question myself,

Where its this heroic true love that i heard about,

Is it lost in this greedy demonic world?

Or was it something that was just poetic,

As i have never seen it in this demonic real world.

Or was it just for stories,

Or is it lost somewhere is man's memories.

Now i'm scared to believe in love,

As i see it just fly away like a dove branch to branch making nests of fake love,

Lost somewhere in this greedy world,

That most men believe is something called true love.


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84 Reviews


Points: 350
Reviews: 84

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Sun May 14, 2017 7:43 pm
DragonNoir wrote a review...



Hello! DragonNoir here for a review!

I must say, this is quite deep. I did however see many mistakes, but they were mostly repetitions. Firstly, one must always make an 'I' capital if one is talking about themselves. Secondly, 'its' and 'it's' are two different words. If a kennel belongs to a dog, it is no "it's kennel" but "its kennel". Generally, if a noun possesses another noun, usually we put an " 's " on the end. That is, unless there already is an 's' on the end, then we just add an apostrophe.

On a more positive note, I really like the effective use of repetition of the sentence "Why is this world like this?" and others of this sort. As well as this, your rhyming pattern was great and your vocabulary is awesome too.

Overall, an amazing piece of poetry, but it wouldn't hurt to work on possessive nouns.
I hope this review helped! :)




Daniel14 says...


Thank you for your review.... And yes your review has surely helped me a lot n I'll look upon my mistakes and correct them..... Thank you for your help and your review



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20 Reviews


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Tue May 09, 2017 5:31 am
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WanderingCloud wrote a review...



Welcome to YWS! So here is my reviewpinion. lol

The feeling that I got from this world is that he/she is seeking true love. What or where was it? It portrayed that there was once love and as time passes by then something happened. Love was now lost. It was there before and now it's gone.

That is what I thought at first. But the message inside it was someone who doubted the world about LOVE. It is a well written poem about the present.




Daniel14 says...


Thank you for ur review wanderingcloud



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373 Reviews


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Tue May 09, 2017 4:18 am
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Welcome to YWS! I'll be your reviewer today ;)

Your theme is strongly resonating in the poem. Love can obviously be faked, and its implications are huge. It's that feeling that if you love somebody--and then they betray you. Even if it hasn't happened to me, I can understand. One of my favorite lines is

As i see it just fly away like a dove branch to branch making nests of fake love,


I really love the metaphor here.

I'll be moving on. The first thing I noticed was that the caps or no-caps was rather irregular in my opinion. There are "i"'s and letters capitalized on each line. I like both no-caps and "classic" capitalization style or my favorite (capitalize I's and start of sentences), but I prefer it to be rather regular? In poetry, because rules can be bent, I want to pay attention to how the techniques affect the poem.

I like rhyming poems and all, but the reason many of them don't achieve the intended effect is what we call forced rhyming. It's when the poet contorts the line and phrasings awkwardly or repetitiously for rhyme. In this case, I'm afraid the rhyme scheme was rather forced. I think the best way to develop more fluid rhyming is to analyze more rhyming poetry and write, write, write :D

The questions here are rather rhetorical, and while I don't have too much of a problem, I would have loved to have seen more of your insight here. I see them scattered here and there but I'd love to see a more personal touch here. Perhaps this could be achieved by narrowing on a particular topic (e.g. "friendship love is a dream") and going deep in. Just food for thought :)

I hope this review helped. If you have any questions about my review or this site, feel free to message me! I hope you enjoy your time on YWS! :)

This review courtesy of
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Daniel14 says...


Thank you for your review prinesslnk and I'll surely look upon the suggestions given by you and remember about it when I write my next poem




u can't have villains exist just 2 b villains
— ShadowVyper