I sit and work
Nobody around to chastise me
You see me but dont know me
What do you do
Do you stare
do you leave
do you ask me
why i am alone
do you care
honestly
what do you think
am i a nerd
for reading science books
for giving dirty looks
to people who call me dumb
they say do something
i say why
they say
so i dont cry
i am not weak
i have a heart
even when
i feel dark
if this means
something to you
dm me
ill befriend you
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Heya, CuriosityCat2! Casanova here to do a review!
Anyway, I'd llike to say that I really did like the message behind this poem. It was easy to relate to, and it seemed like you were taking it from personal experience or from the experience of someone that you know. And that struck me, because I'm a sucker for emotion. Anyway, that being said I did have a couple of things I wanted to talk about.
You have a lack of punctuation throughout most of this poem. I didn't know whether that was just style preference or if you honestly didn't think to put it in, but it was confusing to say the least.
The other thing is sometimes you have capitalization, and other times you do not. I would suggest making this consistent. I know it's sometimes hard to do, I struggle with it a lot myself before posting a work. But it does help emphasize some lines, or it's just for grammar. Sp I would suggest adding this.
Also, one thing I didn't like was that you had several stanzas here without any imagery whatsoever. I thought you could tell a better story by not giving us a shopping list of things that's happening, but letting us get into your shoes and have the situation happen to us.
The last thing is the last three lines. I really like this because you're showing you're willing to help someone who is in the same position you were in/are in. So props for that.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
Thanks Casanova, it was just preference though
I really like this poem. However,I do have a few suggestions.
Firstly, overlook your grammar before you post something. I have problems with this as well, but it must be done.
Secondly, as ghost223 said, your ideas need to flow a bit better. You're all over the place and that might make your poem kind of hard to understand.
As I said, this is a wonderful poem and you can really feel the pain and anguish you feel as well as your longing for a friend. I rate it 7/10 <3.
thank you zoe
You're welcome.
This is a touching poem, and although there's a message that remains clear, the poem is not. It sorta runs all over the place. I can tell you want a friend, so feel free to message me, but either way, you should try to work on this poem a little. Try to connect the ideas in your poem a little better. It's overall a great poem, though...6/10
This sounds really cool. The rhyme scheme isn't too far apart. It's kind of up and personal, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think it is well done. It is free verse, which isn't as clever as something other than, but that doesn't make it any less qualified. Looks very good, I like the syllable work. Good job, keep it up!
Thank you
Hello there, CuriosityCat2!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^
I would like to point out the title of the poem, which is simply just called, "My short poem." This doesn't say very much about the poem, other than the fact that the poem is short, and seems more like a label than a title. I suggest coming up with something better that is more relevant toward the poem.
Capitalization throughout the poem is inconsistent, and it isn't evident if this is intentional due to stylistic choice or not. I personally suggest making the poem more consistent in this area, or remove the capitalization altogether. But this is your choice.
The first bit was a lot easier and clearer to read than the last parts of the poem, causing me to believe that this poem was rather rushed. Take your time with poetry. There's not really a time limit on it, and you should be able to take all the time that you need (unless this is like, an assignment or something).
The poem seems rather unorganized when it comes to the thought process of the author, and I suggest maybe clearing some stuff up, and making the poem more clear and organized.
This poem is missing a lot of imagery, and although there is a lot of telling, there isn't very much showing. Try to present your feelings and emotions in a way that will impact the reader. Use metaphor, and try your very best to be original with your words. Give the reader something powerful, and memorable, while writing something that only you have the power of doing.
That's all that I have to say about this poem. I hope this review helped you out, and have a great day! ^-^