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125,005 Literary Works • 672,807 Reviews
Hello CoffeeCat, Megan17 with a review
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I love this piece! It was so captivating, and the imagery was amazing. I really liked the way you set up your poem too. It made it so much easier to see when a knew stanza was starting. The rhyming was very good too. Sometimes the rhymes can feel forced, or insufficient, but that was not the case at all. It flowed very nicely, and overall the poem was wonderful. I hope you continue writing, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
-Megan17
Hey coffeecat,
So great job! This is an all-around lovely poem.
Shady here with a review for you!
I really liked your poem. It has a very nice flow, and I liked the imagery you used. I also liked the way you offset each of the stanzas. It makes things interesting and helps split the poem into nice little digest-able pieces.
I think your wording is also very powerful and a great way of putting things. I am not great with poetry, so I generally don't know what a poem is talking about -- but I actually understood most of this
Keep writing!
~Shady
hello! ash here for a review!
let me say first and foremost that I really loved this poem. I think that it is interestingly written and is formatted in a very neat way.
with that out of the way lets get into the actual review
"Collaps my silly, puffed-out chest,"
there was a typo here, it needs to be Collapse. you just forgot an e no big deal pal.
also with that sentence, I think it would make more sense if you put a period after the word "chest" just so it helps flow into the next line more smoothly.
"Fragile thoughts grasp hollow dreams,
And tuck me under silent screams."
i thought that this was super powerful you worded it extremely well and I can really connect to it.
"A day like all others past;" here I feel like it would really help the flow if you put the word "the" between the words "all" and "others"
and that's all I could find with corrections and overall just suggestions, now, onto meaning or at least what I took from your poem.
to me, this poem is all about what your brain goes through and makes up while you're trying to go to sleep. basically its the struggle between trying to make your brain shut up and then making your entire body shut down.
actually, i feel like you got that point across very clearly.
so great job there.
overall, like I have already said, this was a great poem and I really enjoyed it.
I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
happy Halloween my pal!
>Ash