Young Writers Society

How to Format Poetry

Hey, here's a link to a thread that will help you format poetry on here in the future.

So I really like that you didn't bog this down with punctuation, but your capitals at the beginning of the lines is bugging me because this needs to flow better. Having the capitals encourages you to stop at the end of a line instead of reading through the line like it is supposed to be read, in accordance with the punctuation. This means that it makes it a little more jerky than it should be especially since you have that really nice syncopation to your words.

The rhyming is actually really nice on this one. It's not something that's beating a dead horse, you've actually got it pretty spot on. I noticed a hiccup here: "I've put this together, forged it piece by piece \ Now you must tell me if the truth, I've reached." because of the odd wording for the second line. It really stands out because the rest of your rhyming is pretty nice. I'd suggest you try to rework the second line or the first line so that it fits better. I'd probably suggest actually working away from the first line since "piece by piece" is used quite a bit and you can do better than that. It'll give you a better result to change it away from things you've heard other people say. That goes for any poem.

The more original you can make it sound, even if it's not an original idea, the better.

As you're probably sick of me saying, one of the ways you can do that is by saying something no one else can say. You really start to delve into that here and I like to see that.

In summary, I think you have a really great grasp of flow for your poetry. You're working with the words in a way that makes them very sing-songy to read if you have the punctuation right. Don't bog yourself down with rhyming. Even without that you still do a really spectacular job with the beat of the poem and that means the flow will be good. Instead, change your focus and get more in depth with the story you're crafting because that's going to be where the emotions are and I think one of the things you're lacking overall in your poems is emotions. They seem very detached right now so I would like to see you inject things into the poems that try to squeeze out an emotional reaction from the audience [and when you read it, yourself] because that's going to be what people are mostly looking for in poetry today.

Overall, really good job. I'm happy I read your stuff.

If you have any questions or want me to clarify anything or just hate my guts for all the reviews, drop me a line ^^
-Aley

Hello there Kat here to write a review for Team WHY?

I remember you that Tomato poem was lovely,just like this one. Man this totally describes me, I just sit at lunch quietly observing people and I am almost always wrong haha but it's fun none the less. In my opinion you could have used more "thoughtful" fords like omniscient and talked about even deeper the inner workings of an analysts mind. What specifically is this person analyzing ? Is it the way the other person sits, talks, walks, looks ? Just a couple thoughts in case you wanted to elaborate but really there is no need, it's an excellent piece.

Defence did you mean defense or was that a football pun or something (says this obvious sports expert...*cough*). I really liked how I personally could connect with this poem and your usage of vocabulary and rhyme . Words like attraction translucent and illusion all do a lot for what you are trying to get across. I was hoping you would divide this in stanzas or maybe couplets but without making it to choppy ...? Maybe?

Nice job on the ending by tying in the title

~Kat

Dear Charizard821,

Thankyou for being patient and waiting. Well let me start off with this short little review. At first glance I was hoping it was going to explain why she calls you a vegetable and what your nickname was. "Hint Hint". I honestly felt like I was the one writing and performing this piece. By that I mean that I perfectly related to this one and could not only hear the writer in my head as I read the piece, but I could feel them write every single letter with the most heart felt compassion and soul full meaning. It may not seem like much at first, but after deep consideration I have decided that we are all an analyst of some sort. Some of us in the heart and others in the mind or soul.

This was a wonderful piece and I am glad that you shared it with me.

Sincerely Honest
The Truth

I just read through it, but I don't have the chance to write a review. I will as soon as possible.

I love this! I am a very analytical person myself, so this hits home for me.
The only thing I would suggest would be to keep the candace a bit smoother. That's just me nitpicking though.

I feel weird reading this, especially knowing I was the poor victim of this game.

Anyways, here I go!

I can't tell if you meant for this poem to have a beat or not, because when I read it aloud, there are times when I can feel a rhythm, and times when I cannot. The very fact that you have a couplet rhyme scheme tells me you probably meant to have a rhythm, but it's not very consistent.

Also, something about the stressed/unstressed syllables is bothering me. Sometimes, you'll start a new line, and I want that syllable to follow whatever pattern you'd been writing for the past few lines, but because of where you cut off within the "sentence," I find it difficult to stress that word in a way that sounds natural. (Ex: the 2nd and 3rd lines)

However, there are always good things to say. The structure, while standard, works well. You started before the game started and ended when the game was over, and everything was nice and linear. Good. Saves me from being confused.

And I love the last line. It's so cheeky and smart-alek-ey: a fun ending for a fun poem.

(Now we wait for someone who actually knows how to review poetry, eh?)

Nice job, and thanks for writing this.
-Buggie

I must admit that I do not read poetry all that often, so this review may not be what you are looking for in terms of feedback. Nevertheless, I found this very interesting. Highly structured and descriptive, and very well in terms of maybe representing the thoughts of an analyst. I liked it, even though I am not sure that I fully understand what it is telling me. Great job either way, it was interesting to me and I have little to no experience with poetry.