Young Writers Society

Hey Charizard,

Awwww this is adorable <3

I really like that you have love poems up on YWS. This is really cute and after the first two lines I definitely started to get into the poem. I was expecting it to be the typical sort of Roses are Red poem, but you did make it unique enough to break away from the stanza marking that it's nice.

You did a really cute job with the wording, but I think you could probably do better if you just kept the syncopation and not the actual "roses are red" part. When you're reading those sorts of lines it does immediately solidify what the pattern of language is, but there are other things that can sound like that too and I think if you explored your horizons on that, you're going to get a better result.

You also aren't being very detail oriented, which is sort of what lends itself well to this poem, but I think in the future, I'd like to see you really applying your whole experience to love poems and the like because the more unique you make it, the better a poem ends up. If you just write something anyone can write, it ends up sort of drab, so it's best to go for uniqueness and really shoot for the stars, so to speak. Don't hold back the punches, just go for it. The more you do that, the better you're going to get, especially since you have a good flow to the poems I've read of yours.

You do really well with word choice so now it's time to work on subject.

Clearly I'm reviewing the past, but I like what I've seen so far, and I think that if you decided to continue posting poetry on here, working on subject could be a good direction to focus in.

Not much really to fix on this. You could, if you wanted to, go back and fiddle with capitalization and stanzas, but that's about it.

Dear Charizard821,

I must say that this is also an amazing piece by you and that I honestly saw now errors when reading through it. So let me tell you what I loved so much. First of all it was very sweet and loving. I mean yes it was also extremely cliche, but the way you directed it towards certain features made it unique. So do me a favor and continue writing these beauties.

Sincerely Honest
The Truth

I will be reviewing this when I get a chance

Hello, darling!

To start off, the first thing I think when I read this poem is "wow", and it's not necessarily a very good wow. Even from the title, I had a sneaking suspicion that we would end up in this territory of regurgitated cliché. So let me take this one issue at a time.

First, your concept and general execution. I can't tell if this is supposed to be read with a straight face or not, but I'd argue that attempting to use clichés well has been done so many times that it's, well, cliché. This has zero emotional impact whatsoever, because you cheaped out and you gave the audience things they've already read before, and they don't care. There's no reason for me to care about this poem, and I find myself going "whatever".

Second, your meter. This is the poetic term for the rhythm that you have in the piece—and yours is lacking. You've taken poem concepts (the infamous Roses Are Red) that have very solid meters, done nothing new or interesting with them, and still managed to break the meter in very awkward ways. The first place that I really noticed it was in your line 7, which feels like it's actually missing two syllables before night, and it completely distracts from the poem itself.

To put it bluntly, the meter needs work. You need to pay attention to the words you're using so they sound natural within the meter, but you need to fill every nook and cranny or it doesn't work.

Third, your punctuation. It's erratic, and I'd recommend going through to fix it, because if you're going to have some correct punctuation, you should probably have all correct punctuation, especially in places where the reader might not be aware of sentences ending or pauses they should breathe for. Punctuation is for the reader.

It could be fixable. With work. Spend some quality time with your writing, and for the love of all that is holy, please fix up this Hallmark reject. It's not indicative of your writing as a whole, but this is not something that would give me faith in a writer if I didn't know them beforehand.

Keep writing!

I agree with Sunny it does have a rhythm to it. I am a fan of love poems, they seem to be the easiest to write, don't you agree? I mean a love poem could be about; a loved one, a breakup, a crush, a family member. See what I mean? I love how it was directed to a girl. I don't know how many times I have wanted to find a note in my locker. I did however find one. It said

If you ever slowed down long enough to see
What is right in front of you
You might be surprised to find
Who thinks you are beyond beautiful

It literally made my day, and made all my friends conduct an investigation. I haven't gotten another one since but I still wonder who sent it.

I love this. It seems to flow so naturally and has a real rhythm to it.