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Solo Qui (Only Here)

by Caligula's Launderette

The man on your right shoulder bares his wings widely and calls himself your Gabriel (Him), all ethereal and white, basking in the best efforts of kindness. But he doesn’t take too kindly that I’ve taken up residency on your left, and he cacaws at my impudence at what he calls “chutzpah”. But I’m not sure I care. He breathes venom in your ear unlike any snake I’ve seen, quite willing you to eat the apple, he says I’ve stolen from the tree. Still, it doesn’t matter much.

For we’re still here.


If I was an Eve, much less yours wouldn’t you be an Adam? Thus negating all reason for His presence, still he presses on, determined to fend me off your shoulders and into the dumpster. I’ve seen this dumpster. It’s dusty and dark, filled with murky substances that were once imaginative sprites, and now just pieces of old chalked up cardboard.

I tried once, to pluck the long feathers emblazoned on his wings, but he snapped and called me foolish.

Have you ever just felt like smiling?

I have. For no reason at all; it’s a pleasant thing far more pleasant that the one-sided bickering my ears are now prone to. I’m just lucky you only hear Him through concealed reconsideration. But you hear me, I know you do, we sigh together and that’s pleasant (too). I think the innocence is on Him. We are too world wise. For we have been world wise together for such a long time. And Death that’s just an illusion, for I met him last week through your eyes-- he speaks in all caps. Just to me he replied, HELLO. I don’t think you heard him clearly. For I’m not really dead am I, if you are still passionate in me? That would be paradoxical. We were one years before that man on your shoulder showed his face. We were one in thought long before we rowed into the oncoming barrage of seamonkey critics. If there is one thing on which we agree, Gabriel and me, it’s that we are here because of you.

There are no Gods darling only thoughts and wishes.

So keep me alive and think of me.

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318 Reviews

Points: 18405
Reviews: 318

Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:25 am
fraey wrote a review...

Hello there.

This is my fiftieth review of RevMo, which I was not expecting to finish at all. Anyway, this review is very late, but at least it's here now.

First off, I would almost rather see this in a poetic form more, as some of these sentences really flow together. I think that the formatting of this throws me off a little as it reads as short bursts than a really long paragraph, which I think disrupts the flow, and sends me into confusion even further. I'd recommend going over this and dividing these lines into a more practical way. I don't really see a huge impact that its current state has on the story.

Continuing on, the religious aspect of this is more interesting than most ones I've seen lately, as there's at least some comparison between good and evil and what everything could mean. I do like how the perspective is from the apparent "bad" portion to bounce off the "good" part since this adds a different layer to a story that's a little used. Admittedly, there are quite a few plays off the good and bad guide on people's shoulders, but this is just chaotic enough to make it different.

I'm curious if the speaker is indeed female, or just uses the Eve comparison to mark them as the "evil" part of "Adam." And I think that the cryptic tone to this fits just right in a tale of having an almost guardian "devil" following a person around before the "angel" showed up.

Overall, I enjoyed this a lot the second read around, as I think I picked up on things a lot more than before. The inclusion of Death was actually a little amusing, which I think is yet another quirk to this story.

I like it. That's all I've got for now, but happy RevMo 2018.

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445 Reviews

Points: 8654
Reviews: 445

Wed May 03, 2006 12:20 am
Poor Imp wrote a review...

I know this a bloody year old - but it's such a good read.

It’s dusty and dark, filled with murky substances that were once imaginative sprites, and now just pieces of old chalked up cardboard.

I tried once, to pluck the long feathers emblazoned on his wings, but he snapped and called me foolish.

...reminded me of a Puckish-sort.

But I assume throughout you're playing on the 'angel-devil-on-the-shoulder' image?

Anyhow, thought-provoking read; the images along with the conversational voice of the narrator... Ack - I'm not being very articulate. A lot deeper than it seems; there's something light and airy about it, just as beneath there seems an abyss of depth.

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685 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 685

Fri Apr 29, 2005 5:15 pm
Rei says...

I really don't get this. You're use of language is really good, but it's way to vague. Who is the narrator in this, and who is this mysterious "you". Very confusing.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
— Napoleon Bonaparte