Young Writers Society

Hello hello. You probably won't see this.

Anyway,

My little boy blue is tumbling down the staircase.

I love the repetition of this and following lines. It creates an atmosphere that there's more to this than just a literal boy falling down stairs, and I love poetry that has meanings past the more up-front ideas of that. The usage of colours to describe the boy also has me thinking that it would mean a break up, or even just blue to represent depression - the colour blue is often associated with sadness and solitude, so it works well.

and blue.

I'm a little confused by why blue is used twice to describe the same idea - "little blue boy" and then this part. It kind of makes it hard to read at points, but I do think that the enjambment really works in your favour. The way that everything is separated to show effect and pauses is really nice, and especially when it's used to create some juxtaposition with ideas that feel like they wouldn't work in a natural setting.

Although I must say

forgotten till the next covets the
Skin

I agree with the other review on how the separation of the skin and the above line doesn't really work that well here. The whole "forgotten till the next covets" also appears to be a little confusing, mostly from the choice of using "covet" instead of another word, but it works with the set style you have here. The capitalization of the word skin doesn't really go with that though, because it didn't happen anywhere else before.

of happiness (naïveté).

I actually really love that you did that with the parenthesis. It's going with the creative formatting choices I mentioned above, and I actually really like how it all flows together. I think it also works for what I brought up about what the possibility of the meaning of the blue boy was - happiness contradicts the "blue" emotion felt. The idea that the narrator and/or the boy are naïve also points towards that as well.

Nice work! Happy RevMo!
-- chi