Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! It's Knight Hardy here to leave a review as part of an ongoing mission to ensure that no work on YWS has less than two reviews. You will probably never see this but oh well here I am.
First Impression: A lovely end to the story with some happiness for them all. I love the direction that this went in and I'm sad this went unnoticed when it was originally posted. I truly enjoyed reading this quite a lot.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Jezebel turned the corner, and kept running, it didn’t matter that her legs strained because of disuse or that shards of pain attacked her side. Crystalline tears slipped from dark blue eyes and smothered her cheeks and parted lips. When at last she stopped, she collapsed the grass beneath her. In her madness her tapered fingers ripped at emerald pikes of grass, and she rocked in time to silent sobs.
This is quite dramatized here. Very interesting choice there but once again the emotion is crystal clear and the description is amazing.
“Come on, you don’t want to catch a cold here in the wet.” He gestured to the dew laden park around them.
That word has to be added in there. Just a small typo...the first one I have seen across this whole story.
“I just, don’t know what to say, she, she, she can’t be in love with him. He’s uggg…he’s so…I just can’t believe her. What was she thinking when she said yes, god my mother never thinks.”
Well...somebody is getting jealous. I love the way you've portrayed this very realistically.
Jezebel hated apologizing almost as much as she hated cabbage soup, because that meant she had done something wrong and at heart Jezebel was a perfectionist. She supposed living with a single mother had done that to her. But there also was another reason she didn’t want to cross the threshold, Tyler was still there, his blue truck was still parked outside. Jezebel had never had a father figure in her life, and wasn’t planning on accepting one now.
Nice little bit of insight into Jezebel's thoughts. Her actions are on point to reflect this too and that is of course a great thing.
We’ve done just fine the last sixteen years.
Finally having enough courage, Jezebel walked through the door, snaked her way into the living room, to where Tyler and her mom were seated on the rust colored couch.
Lifting her eyes to meet both her mothers blue and Tyler’s brown she spoke, “I don’t have to call you dad, do I?”
And a lovely little ending. I'll certainly be reading this many more times in the days to come. This has been an interesting read.
Aaand that's it for this one as well.
Overall: It was a lovely story to read. It brought out emotion very well and did a great job of capturing a reader. It's a simple message with a lot of meaning behind it and it has been a pleasure to review.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 259685
Reviews: 4124
Donate