Young Writers Society

Hey blueflood,
welcome to yws and i'm glad your posting already, i have read a couple other reviews and have gathered that you meant this to be a flash fiction, as far as i know of there isn't a section for that.
I really enjoyed this though at times it was a bit disjointed but overall it flowed quite nicely.
I understand the meaning behind this as social status usually messes up friendships or sometimes people in general. I thought it was quite nice how you used the flower to represent their friendship which at the being was a beautiful thing and then it turned sour and died.
i think the ending could have been better instead of randomly using a chipmunk highlight what had happened to the flower you could of said that the boy goes back to the place of the flower to discover that it had withered and died.
But overall i am quite happy with this piece and its good for your first piece on yws.

Thank you for reading this review, yours sincerely crystalrose

This is a lovely story, but I think it could be told better at the moment however it sounds like a official record in a office file. Here are a few ways this could be told as to give life and flavor to the story.
1. Rather than giving a detached summary, do in-the-moment scenes to convey the progression, and link them with things that can't be expressed in that way.
2. Play to the reader's emotions. There is a plethora of opportunities to do this in a story like
this.
3. Use metaphor. The flower in itself is implied to be a metaphor, but it would feel more
complete with something like "the last petal of their relationship" or something of that
nature.
4. Use words more eloquently. Be more specific, rather than saying, "Such mean words" or
"Mary would blush and feel special" give a more precise and colorful portrayal of what is
happening.
5. Try including some dialogue. It would make it more interesting.
6. Side note, the ending is very nice
7. The theme could also be expressed more clearly as well.

Scrolling down, the phrase "flash fiction" has been tossed around. I have no knowledge of this area, so bear that in mind....

I really like this. Awesome job!

Hello, Blueflood. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?

I must say, when you labeled this as a short story, it is a short story. This seems like it’s more of flash fiction, don’t you think? Anyways, I enjoyed the aspect of two once close friends that grew apart from social status. Was there meaning to this story? If so, what I got was that social statuses tend to break friendships. Unless this is something that has happened to you? I could see this as a potential novel maybe. Where two people that were once friends come back as friends somehow, someway. This is more of suggestion though, so don’t mind me. There is not a whole lot I can say right now because this work was really short, hopefully, I’d be able to provide more writing insight for you in future works, yeah? Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day. Oh, and welcome to the site.

- Kanome

Hey there Blueflood and welcome to yws.
Good to see that you're already posting and reviewing so soon.

So when you said this was a short story, it certainly is a short. I'm mainly wondering if this a piece of something larger, because you start to talk about these serious things with these teens smoking, and then it just moves to the chipmunk scene. That seems a lot like an introduction to something larger...

And if it isn't, this isn't particularly good flash fiction. With flash fiction, the end has to come to a sort of proper close or at least a philosophical ending. This story switches between three tracks so quickly, that the reader doesn't get a particularly good idea of how the different parts are relating. At least I didn't.

This has a lot of issues. I kept re-reading this to see if I was missing some deeper meaning but i really don't think so. The summary I keep coming back to is like this:
- two kids become best friends over caring for a garden
- one kid falls into a bad friend group and the other tries to draw her out of it
- random chipmunk with the flower representing the death of the friendship

So if it weren't for the random chipmunk, whose only role here seems to be to highlight the dead flower, I would just say to expand the story. Either way, you need to expand the story, because in its current simple state, it's just a bit too plain and vague. If this is your entire story, it honestly just seems like the summary of a much longer story.

These are just some of my generalized thoughts so if you want specifics on which areas to improve and possibilities, just shoot me a PM.

Other than that, I think I'm done.
Have a nice day and happy writing.
~lizz

*this was an accidental comment I don't know how to delete omahgoodness someone halp meh delete dis*