Hi am Manila. Am here for a short review
First of all there's no emotions in this poem
With every poetry there's a feeling behind it
We should get the mood at which you used to write this poem
Secondly, the rhymes used in this poem don't bring much intensity in this poem
Although the rhyme scheme is not really important in a poem it is that which captures the attention of a reader
Reading your poem at the beginning was very boring which isn't good for you as a poet
You need a piece which would grab the attention of reader not one which when a reader take s he or she won't even read to the end because of it's boring nature
Also the punctuations are inaccurate
In poetry, it's not really necessary to puntuate
All that matters is that the reader gets the understanding of what you are trying to say
I say this because most of your punctuations we're wrongly used and with that the way a reader if not a good one reads , he or she might not get the understanding of it well.
Am not here to bring down your self esteem for writing this
Am only here to help make you a good writer
There's really the need for more improvement
In any case you should need help, you can contact me to help you out
Points: 16
Reviews: 3
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