They say that I am quite crazy, They are right I am crazy After all there is red pumping through me yellow in my mind violet calling my soul
It appears to them that I am quite crazy it's true my days are spent living up to the blue sky
It seems through the eyes of cloudy grey they are wasted on delusions
But Their illusions are no more than my passions
the fuel for my pride
They are convinced that I am quite crazy through those eyes of cloudy grey my self is blinding
Without question my strive for honesty flies past them if only the minds in the light of the new moon could give me a chance I will undoubtedly share my true violet soul
In all honesty, It's true, they are right, I am quite crazy,
However
if I am crazy they are also crazy these traits that are strange also exist In the ones with cloudy grey windows red pumping through them, yellow in their mind, violet that calls to their soul,
And they deny it
It appears to me
that the whole who keep looking with consistent cloudy grey conviction are even crazier than I
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
Hey! Cello here!
I'm begging you- Please add commas! Sure, you have a few here and there but you need to be consistent.
When reading this
I completely screwed everything up, mentally putting in my own commas
After all, there is
red pumping through me
yellow, in my mind
violet calling my soul
Now see, this makes no sense. I read it and paused, 'what?', then had to go back and realize I had paused and emphasized in the wrong places. If there were already commas, I wouldn't have had to do this, so, please, add some commas.
I don't like this 'however'. I get it, it's supposed to force a big pause, but I feel like it interrupts the flow a bit too much. Personally, I think it sounds significantly better if the 'however' is removed and if you put a 'but' before 'if I am crazy'
Okay, these two lines are in a different front than the rest. I felt like the font really added to the feel of the poem. If you can change it to match the rest, I would. I understand if you can't though, formatting can be hard.
I really liked this poem. The description was beautiful and it was a joy to read.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
I did have commas, but it didn't flow as nicely to me and to some other readers. It made them pause too much. The font was automatically like that by the website, but I kind of like it because it adds emphasis to those lines. My other work is more like what you had described if you wanna check it out
Well done! I would like to point out just how awkward your first sentence was. Just needs something that will make since.
Great job. Very unique.
~Waffle
That's good it reflects me! I'm a pretty awkward person myself
Wow; what a unique and well-done poem that you have here, BethsLlama. Well done! I like the message of this poem. The narrator is possibly crazy, but has no qualms with admitting that they are. He/she simply understands and lives with what calls to his/her soul and mind, no matter how crazy the narrator's pride, honesty, and feelings may seem, and is thus stared down upon by others who, through their grey-eyed vision, assume the narrator is crazy. But he/she sees his own honesty shining past them, finding that they, who keep looking with this unyielding conviction, concoct their 'grey-eyed' delusions, and are fixed upon calling the narrator crazy, are perhaps even more crazy than the narrator is. It is a unique message, and a surprising one. I have never thought about it before, but, the more think of it, the more true it becomes; we are all crazy. Even if you have to look deep down inside a person's soul, you will find some form of this craziness. However, it could be said that the craziest of all might be those that sense this madness and deny it. They deny who they are, they deny the madness in all of us, and stare down upon others who accept who they are. They are caught up within their own delusions, a point that you convey so beautifully in this poem. In a way, it is these people who may yet be the craziest of all. This message is powerful, it is thoughtful, and it leaves the reader surprised. It is an immense message to deliver in a poem, but I believe you communicated it beautifully. Therefore, when it comes to the main idea of this poem, I am impressed.
Furthermore, I like the way that your poem flows. It does not flow awkwardly, or strangely. It is smooth, it is consistent, and I had no problems reading this story. The details that you convey are equally exceptional and vivid, and were one of the many reasons that I found this poem to be an incredible adventure. I like all of the colorful descriptions that you provide, such as "red pumping through them," "share my true violet soul," and "consistent cloudy grey conviction." They added a lot of powerful imagery to the story, and helped me to envision and see so many of the concepts of the poem. I could imagine what flows inside of the narrator, and look through the gray cloudy convictions of those who deem the narrator 'crazy.' Other details, specific words, and the way that you so well developed the narrator's mind frame and personality contributed to this poem. They all worked together to form a refined, but concise and clearly delivered message, and I enjoy the poem for this reason. Thus, I appraise your story for its emotional imagery and flow.
In conclusion, I loved this poem. It is intense, it is excellently crafted, and the message that it conveys is unique and powerful. I enjoyed reading this from start to finish, and I have the feeling that this poem will remain imprinted in my mind for a long time to come. Well done!
Thank you! I'm happy you got the message! It is one that has changed me in the most wonderful ways and motivates me to keep changing to become a better person.
I AM IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL IN THE FIELD OF POETRY SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD AL I SAY... but please don't(-;. Now that I liked. I found it just brilliant and I love how you write. ITS not the neatest but I say that's its beauty. AND that is all I see beauty.
BRAVO DO WRITE MORE PLEASE.
Thanks! This gets my fire burning!
I updated the poem! It's not as awkward now. I changed the placing of some lines too to make it flow more and make some lines stand out more.
Hi BethsLlama! Although it may be just a tad bit late, I want to welcome you to YWS! I'm RagingLive and I will be review your poem today!
I really liked your poem, so before I forget, *hits 'Like' button* there you go!!
I only found a few, tiny little nitpicks, so let's get going!
The capital 'them' isn't necessary here. I understand if you're trying to say 'them' as in a group or organization, but I'm not certain if it's proper usage of a capitalization, so I would advise you to play it safe and knock it down to a lowercase.
You did this a few times throughout, so I suggest that you go through and edit all of those.
The way you used the word 'ones' also can also be applied to what I mentioned above.
Also here where you used the word 'whole' capitalized.
I noticed that you had a monotony going of commas. Punctuation is not necessary in poetry, but I feel like when it is used that it should be used correctly. In your poem you had several places that a period would have fit in nicely and made a lot more sense. Also, you don't need a comma at the ending of every line, nor a period. Sometimes if you break a sentence in two when there isn't a comma, it is more dramatic and makes more sense if you don't add a comma at the end of the phrase. I'll take a snippet and try to demonstrate.
"It appears to them that I am quite crazy.
It's true my days are spent
living up to the blue sky."
Oh, another thing is that depending on the punctuation used, you don't have to capitalize the beginning of every line.
I hope I helped you out! I really did love this poem, but the end is probably what struck me the most. It took the poem out with a bang and that is always a good thing where a writer is concerned!
Keep writing and keep on smiling!!
~RagingLive
Thanks! I was hoping to achieve unity with capitalizing, but it does make the poem seem a little awkward. I will edit it and I will upgrade the punctuation to make it more powerful.
Glad I could help!!