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Thinking out loud: The premiere

by BIHXY


Sitting on my stool watching the chickens run about, the rooster trying trying to make out with the clearly uninterested hen, I can't help but think about the post virus life. Life which the scientists are calling "the new normal" definitely won't be normal for me. The pandemic has shown how helpless human beings can be even with a million dollars in your account or the joke of coins we call savings under the bed, A very expensive ferrari or enduring the uncomfortable ride on the bus/train with stuffy air, annoying passengers and err sweaty armpits.

During the lockdown we have all learnt our worth - we are a bunch of helpless beings awaiting a miracle from a more superior being.Well, aside from the hopelessness of the situation, I cannot help but miss the "before" life. Online life has become the order of the day but we must admit it is boring and extremely repetitive. Zoom, online restaurants, online concerts,TV church...and many other jokes are what we depend on. In all sincerity,certain things simply cannot be substituted by the Internet and I must say I miss them dreadfully. 

I miss going for weddings and rolling my eyes at the mismatched couple, texting through speeches and unsuccessfully trying to calm down my stomach enzymes at the smell of the long awaited food. I miss going to church where I listen to the ear damaging choir singing out their souls and listening to priest's sermon. I miss sitting in a bus and secretly cursing the lowlife who insists on farting the whole ride as if in cahoots with my window that is always jammed. I miss walking down the streets while feigning confidence when my tights begin lowering themselves!

Honestly, there is nothing I miss more than school. I miss the unnecessary drama from the kardashian wannabes and the meals with questionable ingredients.All now but a distant memory. The funny thing about this whole situation is how it started as a big joke, memes, tiktoks and mask selfies that  rocked the internet. Instagram handles were dramatized to things like quarantine queen, mask man, sanitizer gal ,dettol-devil...to mention but a few. Now that reality has set in the memes aren't as funny and the patience as well as the sanitizer is running out. Dear scientists , please spare us the pain of psychological torture of using big words like "the new normal" .The old one was just fine.

Yours in pen,

BIHXY


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Thu Sep 10, 2020 7:29 pm
Tuckster wrote a review...



Hi there BIHXY! I know that this is an old work, but one of my RevMo goals was to broaden my horizons and review some literary works outside of novels and poetry, so here I am. I hope this can still be of use to you!

As another note, I'll be approaching this review like I am reviewing a persuasive essay, not personal reflections. Please keep in mind that none of these critiques are meant to invalidate your perspective, but rather to strengthen the argument you present.

I appreciated the raw honesty of these reflections. You referenced several ideas to support your points and provided examples of everything that you mentioned. This made your argument and position more compelling. You also chose to write about a topic that everyone is familiar with, so I think that you have a wide audience for your work. On the whole, it's the foundation for a persuasive and convincing essay that could win over a reader.

One area that I felt was particularly weak was your opening line. I'll admit that your choice to use it as your opening line befuddled me; it wasn't connected to the rest of your essay, and it painted a strange picture that didn't add anything to this work. In fact, I felt that my confusion about that opening detracted from your introductory paragraph in general. Your job as a writer is to hook the reader, and one of your best opportunities to do that is in your first line. I don't believe that was achieved with the opening line.

Something else that I'd like to note is that it felt like this was written from a very specific and narrow perspective. I would like to see some more acknowledgment of the other sides. For example, some students are struggling with the transition to online courses, but other students are discovering that they learn well through online coursework. The changes that have been brought about by this pandemic are far too broad to be classified as all good or all bad. Acknowledging some of the good could be an effective tool you utilize in your argument, as it would demonstrate a holistic and full understanding of the subject at hand.

I'll leave you with that today! Once again, the honesty and rawness of this article is something to aspire to. Your final two sentences alone contained power and well-harnessed emotions that captured your idea well. Strengthening your introduction and acknowledging some other perspectives in your essay would increase the power and impact of this essay. If you have any questions about this review, please feel free to reach out.

Yours truly,
Tuck




BIHXY says...


hey there thanks for the feedback!!! i will work on the areas you have cited you have been most helpful!



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Fri Aug 21, 2020 2:24 pm
starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there! I saw this in the Green Room and decided to check it out. I'll try not to be repetitive and mention something DavidFoxx already has, but if I do, I'm sorry! <3

This is pretty relatable. Everyone wants things to go back to normal, but the reality is that it won't. I hope we can one day go back to the way things were before all of this <3

the rooster trying trying to make


Just a small typo; you wrote "trying" twice :)

The pandemic has shown how helpless human beings can be even with a million dollars in your account or the joke of coins we call savings under the bed, A very expensive ferrari or enduring the uncomfortable ride on the bus/train with stuffy air, annoying passengers and err sweaty armpits.


That's so true haha. I believe you meant to put a period after "bed" not a comma since you capitalized "A." Car names should be capitalized, so "ferrari" should be "Ferrari." Technically, the second sentence I quoted isn't a sentence by itself. You could combine it with the previous sentence to fix that!

During the lockdown we have all learnt our worth - we are a bunch of helpless beings awaiting a miracle from a more superior being.Well, aside from the hopelessness of the situation, I cannot help but miss the "before" life.


I miss the before life, too. Small thing, you need a space between the end of your first sentence and the beginning of your second sentence. Also, you repeat the idea that we are "helpless beings" here. Perhaps you could change it up a bit so it isn't repetitive? Otherwise you're just stating something you already told us :)

In all sincerity,certain things simply cannot be substituted by the Internet and I must say I miss them dreadfully.


Me too :/ Small thing, you need a space between "sincerity," and "certain"

I miss going for weddings


"for weddings" should be "to weddings"

I miss the unnecessary drama from the kardashian wannabes and the meals with questionable ingredients.All now but a distant memory.


Omg, the "questionable ingredients" though xD You need a space between the two sentences. Also, kardashian should be capitalized

The funny thing about this whole situation is how it started as a big joke, memes, tiktoks and mask selfies that rocked the internet.


I think rewriting your sentence like this would be better: The funny thing about this whole situation is how it started as a big joke: memes, tiktoks, and mask selfies that rocked the Internet.

quarantine queen, mask man, sanitizer gal ,dettol-devil


Small thing, the comma should be attached to "gal" not at the front of "dettol"

Now that reality has set in the memes aren't as funny and the patience as well as the sanitizer is running out.


Ooh, this sentence with the patience and the sanitizer is clever.

Dear scientists , please spare us the pain of psychological torture of using big words like "the new normal" .The old one was just fine.


<33
Some small things: your comma should be attached to "scientists" and the period should go inside the quotation, like this: big words like "the new normal." The old one was just fine.

And that's it! Like I said, this is a piece we can all relate to now. I hope this helped you get your feelings out! <3 I hope this helped :D




BIHXY says...


thank you for the feedback!i will try and revisit the mentioned areas



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Thu Aug 13, 2020 6:24 am
DavidFoxx wrote a review...



Hey there!
I saw your work in the Green Room ,so I decided to stop by :)I hope everything I write below is helpful to you.
So let's go :)

the male trying trying to make out with the clearly uninterested female


It just sounded a bit strange to me, as you could just use hen, or rooster

think about the post covid life
- you either don't need "the" or it could be something like "I can't help but think about life after the virus. " Just a suggestion, of course :)

or the joke of coins we call savings under the bed
-yup, I felt that one...

ride on the bus/train with stuffy air, annoying passengers and err sweaty armpits.
another one I felt, but maybe you could put something between the "and" and err - to indicate you've stuttered,or taking a pause.

During the lockdown we have all learnt our worth and that is that we are a bunch of helpless beings
in stead of putting more space between the "that is" and "that" you could use a dash, maybe?

cannot help but miss the before life.
again, you could put "before" in quotation, or add a capital letter, just something that indicates it's not just an adverb, but indicates something else- in this case the life Before.

TV church..and many other jokes are what we depend on. In all sincerity,certain things simply cannot be substituted by the internet


Something minor, but maybe you missed one of the dots by accident- I know because I often omit punctuation because it's bothering to check :D Also - the Internet is always with a capital letter.

trying to calm down my stomach enzymes at the smell of the long awaited food.


I really liked this one, vivid enough to almost feel it.

I miss going to church to listen to the ear damaging choir singing out their souls and listening to priest's sermon.
to listen to - maybe it could just be : going to church where I have to listen to...

I miss walking down the streets while feigning confidence when my tights begin lowering themselves!


Oh, yes :D Although I don't miss that one in particular :D

tiktoks and mask selfies rocked the internet.

maybe there's a word missing - selfies which/ that rocked the Internet?


The old one was just fine.


It was, and I awfully miss it too...

Thank you for sharing all that. It resonated with me quite often. As I said in the beginning - I really hope my feedback was helpful and I wish we could get back to things the way they were before one day.

D Fox :)




BIHXY says...


thank you so much for the feedback! I have made changes and also I was hesitant to use cock for fear of misinterpretation but rooster works as well, thank you again for all the observations



DavidFoxx says...


I hope it was helpful! <3




There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
— William Shakespeare