Without opposition there would be nothing.
There would be no happiness, if there were no misery.
There would be no righteousness, if there were no wickedness.
There would be no life, if there were no death.
.
Without law, there'd be no sin.
Without sin, there'd be no righteousness.
Without righteousness, there'd be no happiness.
.
There would be no creator;
There would be nothing to create.
Nothing to act nor to act upon.
All things must have vanished away.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello! LadyShadows here to review!
However I have noticed something:
I can say that this was a refreshing poem. It was unique in my opinion, as I noticed in a lot of Christian writing that they do not look at the glass half full, meaning that if there was no darkness, there'd be no light. People don't always think of such things in a neutral prospective. So I'd give a thumbs up. I also liked how you done a pattern between a tercet and two quatrains. Not very many people do that.
'Nothing to act nor to act upon' I don't think the word 'nor' was necessary. 'Or' is a better word to use.
Also:
1.) 'There would be no happiness, if there were no misery.'
2.) 'There would be no righteousness, if there were no wickedness.'
3.) 'There would be no life, if there were no death.'
I'm pointing out these three phrases because I think you should replace 'were' with 'was'. So it would be:
....if there was no misery
....If there was no wickedness
....If there was no death.
To me this sounds better.
Lastly I'd have to say that I loved the beginning but hated the end.
'All things must have vanished away'
I feel like this should have been better. Other than all that I pointed out, I think this was a very good job. Keep writing!
-LadyShadows
This is one of the most provocative works of poetry I have read in a while. It truly makes my mind contemplate and inspires me to t least try and write a free verse. Your poem reminds me of a passage from Ecclesiastes, a book in the Old Testament of the Christian bible. The passage details the fact that there is a time for everything a time to live and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
If there was nothing to which our actions were held accountable by, then there would be no sin. Without sin there would be no reason why we aren't already righteous, and righteous means to be right with God. And if we weren't right with God how could we ever be happy? I love that stanza.
The last stanza makes me wonder though. Why would there be no creator? Perhaps if Adam and Eve had left the tree alone then there's would be no law, but that isn't true I suppose because Gods only law he have them was to not touch the tree.
I love this poem all in all I look forward to reading more of what you have.
Thank you so much for your review! About that last stanza, I am specifically taking information about what I believe in my religion. There are specific reasons why God, or the creater, made this earth and sent us here. We call it the plan of happiness/salvation. And if there weren't laws, or misery, then the entire point of why we're here would fall apart. If those things didn't exist, because we couldn't achieve our goal of eternal happiness. God wouldn't have bothered making this earth, therefor there would be no creater. Did that make any sense?
Thank you so much for your review! About that last stanza, I am specifically taking information about what I believe in my religion. There are specific reasons why God, or the creater, made this earth and sent us here. We call it the plan of happiness/salvation. And if there weren't laws, or misery, then the entire point of why we're here would fall apart. If those things didn't exist, because we couldn't achieve our goal of eternal happiness. God wouldn't have bothered making this earth, therefor there would be no creater. Did that make any sense?
I understand now, thanks for making sense of that. I love that poem.
Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
This is a nice poem. You clearly have some good ideas to express, and i must say that i completely agree with them. They are simply stated and clear to the reader, almost more like a proclamation or warning than poetry. This isn't in itself, a problem, it certainly serves a purpose, however, i do have a few suggestions for how you can improve.
As for the first stanza, i think that if you unified the format, or the style, i suppose, it would be a bit more linear.
As you can see, the last three lines of the stanza have a pattern where you give an example of something that could be gone, a comma, and then if that thing were gone, what would go with it. The first line, however, does not follow that format. i suggest inserting a comma after "opposition" so that it does match. Another suggestion for this stanza: put the happy things towards the end of the line. It will have more of an impact. It would be like saying, "Do you like misery? No? But if you didn't have it, you wouldn't have happiness." It makes more sense as a statement.
Your second stanza was fine as is. Your third stanza could use a little work, though.
You start the stanza by saying "There would..." However, i don't think this makes sense, seeing as you haven't given a scenario in which this would apply. There would be no creator... Where? Perhaps say instead, "If there were no creator...."
Then, my last suggestion goes for the whole poem, and especially for the last line. An important part of getting your message across to your audience is putting emotion into it. When your audience sees you feel strongly, it's hard for them not to, too. So, i advise including more emotion throughout this poem, or at least at the end. Tell why these statements are important, what they mean to you. Maybe include another stanza at the end specifically to explain this. Then, you could end with a bit of a punch, one last push to really get your idea across.
Anyways, sorry if any of that seemed harsh. i like your ideas here, just work on expressing the,. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! Thanks!
herbgirl
That's some awesome free verse, I like how the concept you are conveying is proven true, at least in my life.
Thank you for your review! I totally agree with points you've made. I feel like some of this could have made for sense, more parallel, and fulfilled the mission of a lyrical/realization type poem better. I don't think this was too harsh, and I appreciate the review.