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Blank Blank Blank

by Avian


blank canvases

blank pages

stark white pressed

against blood-shot eyes,

cold fingers frozen

in time

no words

no phrases to paint 

my mind into a picture 

into something other than a mess 

into something beaueteful beautiful.

   

cursor blinks,

peneatrates my skull

hurts hurts hurts 

beaucuse it's been watching

and staring 

and judging 

and i just want to 

wroiet write wirte

    

lit-up keyboard late at knight.

pixils ppixals pixles dim,

time to recharge 

the blank screen

ill give it a well earned braek

no i wont go to bed

ive got two to too many ideas

conjouring in my head

maybe when my lap-top wakes

ill have the words to phil

The Blank Screen.


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Stickied -- Sat Jan 20, 2024 10:48 pm
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Avian says...



I tried something different with this poem (again). I'm curious to see if the message I went for was conveyed. Yes, all grammatical errors are intentional. Let me know what you think! Any and all comments/ reviews are appreciated!




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Sat Mar 02, 2024 9:40 pm
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keystrings wrote a review...



Hello there! Thank you so much for requesting a review c:

I'll be centering this review around each of the three stanzas to work through how the lines work together or seem more separate in the overall poem!

The title being "Blank Blank Blank" made me wonder what this poem would be about, but I didn't realize that it was based around a "blank screen" so I appreciated having some anticipation towards the poem at the beginning.

For the first stanza, I think you did a good job at painting a picture of someone staring at a blank screen in this case, but the image easily brings to mind "blank page" as well such as in a notebook. I would say probably to not reuse "blank" in the opening two lines unless it will be used in the third line as well, such as "blank white" as an example since repetition sticks out if it's not used in specific ways, if that makes sense. In three instances, especially in a poem titled "Blank, Blank, Blank" I think you could get away with using "blank" three times!

In addition, your punctuation use, as well as lack of punctuation use, is interesting to me since the short lines especially of "blank canvases/ blank pages" and "in time / no words" kind of feel disjointed in the flow of the poem. I'd recommend to either reformat those lines or maybe set them in a separate stanza. To me, the short lines carry a different tone than the more descriptive lines and images between them.

blank canvases
blank pages


then continuing with the rest of the lines. Does that distinction stand out to you? If it doesn't, that is totally fine. It's just something that has caught my attention in this poem.

I do find it interesting that you end this first stanza with the first demonstrated "typo" and that there are two different styles of showing the typos, either with strike-out or with italics. I would say that there maybe should be another typo in the first stanza to indicate a change in tone/style, but I can also appreciate the visual appearance of someone getting frustrated/irate/feelings changing over time while trying to write in this screen and thus producing far more typos at the end rather than the beginning.

Moving onto the second stanza, I find it interesting that you left the typos in here! Yes, the typos are indicated with italics, but for the first and last stanza, the correct spelling is given. I appreciate the simplicity of picturing a single cursor on an open, blank document, which can pretty much mean any kind of platform/software that allows for writing, since I'm sure the majority if not everyone on this website can relate to. This section feels more like the writer is more focused on the feeling of not being able to write, such as feeling "judged" by the cursor on a blank screen, and there is not anything they can think to write, or simply they don't know what to do in order to be able to write.

I think that this second stanza might need a little more detail in order to fit as well with the rest of the poem -- it focuses so much on the single cursor that I feel like either would work better with another image/metaphor, such as maybe the reader's physical reaction to this idea of being "watched" or something along those lines. In addition, I would say to watch out for the use of repetition in this stanza as well, with how "hurt hurt hurt" is repeated, without any typos and without any other formatting, but the ending line is "wroiet write wirte" with both misspellings in italics. I just recommend to use a careful eye to look through the specific choices make and try for consistency within formatting/misspellings/anything that seems relevant!

Finally, for the last stanza, I feel like there are some combinations of the feelings and images felt in the past two stanzas. There are varied typos and some re-type/correcting the misspellings, but for others there are not. I'm curious as to why these specific words "pixels" and "to" were retyped, while others "knight/braek/conjouring" were left within the text as is. I do like the view of the reader being able to feel the frustration of not only has the writer been unable to write, their laptop dies and now, they have to wait until it turns back on with enough charge.

There are good visuals in this last stanza, with describing the laptop and what feelings I'm sure plenty of people have when they are desperate to finish something but are also so utterly done with not being able to write. For me, the italics on the "ill/ive/ill" seem to work well because I can "hear" that inclination as if I was reading through the poem. I also like how the writer seems determined to not give up, even with everything that has been happening and unable to happen, as in writing words on the screen. I too hope that this writer can defeat the blank screen.

Overall, I really liked your creative use of punctuation, spellings, formatting, but I do just want to emphasize on how you're implementing this techniques into a short poem style. I can truly relate to the speaker in this poem about dealing with writer's block/unable to write. Well done! Feel free to ask me any questions or any part of my review. Thanks again for requesting a review, I hope this was helpful!

Thanks c:




Avian says...


Woooahhhh this has got to be the most in-depth review I%u2019ve ever gotten! Thank you so much! I hate to say, at the time I wrote this, I really just put in random typos in differing spots @_@ Thank you for pointing out what everything in the poem conveyed to the reader; it is very helpful to know! If I ever go back to this poem or this idea, I%u2019ll be thinking about your advice!



keystrings says...


I was hoping this review wasn't too long xD I had a lot of fun thinking through the poem and trying to gather some helpful information! I'm so glad this was helpful and it was super fun to read your poem! Feel free to request more reviews with future poetry c: I'd love to read more!



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Mon Feb 05, 2024 4:15 am
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Spearmint says...



your poetry is so relatable omg




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Sun Jan 21, 2024 9:57 pm
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GaleOVonne says...



I don't typically like poetry, but this piece you have made resonates with me. The subject material of writers block is very close to me. I'm currently working on a fantasy book and haven't been able to write a chapter in six months. Its not that I don't try. I sit down and peck at the keyboard trying to get something I'm happy with only to throw it away the next day. I could speak on about how great I believe this poem is, but I will just leave you with my final thought. You are talented and doing great.




Avian says...


Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you could relate to my poem :)



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Sat Jan 20, 2024 11:34 pm
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TimelessMage wrote a review...



Hey there! Timeless Mage here with a review!

I really like how this conveys the random train of thought that you get when you can't think of anything- like grasping at straws, fragments of pieces of ideas that you could use, but ultimately can't connect.

Overall, the way that you use Homonyms to string the reader along from one idea for the next is well done, and lends itself well to this style, especially conveying the undertones of frantic anxiety of not writing anything.

If I had any suggestions, I would tone down the misspellings, but they definitely have a place. Right now (and I'm no expert on the intentional misspelling of words to place emphasis on them) it feels like they are everywhere, and it could be a lot more powerful if you toned them down, making them more potent in places it counts.

Other than that, I don't really have anything else to critique.
Thanks for writing such a unique piece! We create these worlds not for the sake of others, but the worlds and characters themselves.




Avian says...


Thanks for the review! I'll definitely keep playing with this idea and take your suggestions into account!




It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien