Young Writers Society

Entry One

Dear diary

I first must introduce myself, my name is Muzi Nxumalo. My writing to you is an invitation, I’m inviting you to witness this story that is about to begin. Today I met a human, person, female, a girl, I’m not used to this please be patient with me. She was nothing I could have imagined, she was millions of miles ahead of my furthest thought of fantasy. She was what over-achievers would call a dream, she was what angels envied and dear diary she was looking at me. You know the typical eye on eye bullcrap, eyes locking each other and then one bump into something? With us it was never that, our eyes didn’t lock but they embraced each other, time didn’t stop but it was non-existent nobody bumped into anyone because we were the only people in the world. She settled and I went on with life but like any beginning of the story something was bound to happen. She waved, asked for my assistance, I assisted. Images of her eyes, nose and lips are still as vivid as she is still right in front of me. She asked I answered, my photographic memory taking images of the only world wonder worthy of the title. The devil in I searched for faults on her and found a few but then a stranger, a strange voice yet familiar countered then all I saw was perfection.Dear Diary I am not inviting you to witness a love story for I know not of love for I am a man without a heart but I am inviting you to witness my journey as I try to find my heart. The tale starts here because the first glance I took of her was the first time my blood took motion. I’ll hopefully see her again tomorrow, dear diary, bear with me.

Entry two

Dear Diary

If you think I had abandoned you, you were right. I did blame you for my previous disappointments because as grown as I am I do still believe in jinx. I was ready to meet the love of my life; I was ready to start my life, to be overwhelmed by emotions, love, fear and so. The day came but it was duller than the time I stared at a wall for hours. I looked at the door expecting to see that human, person, female, girl that had taken my breath away a day before. The door looked back at the dauntless me until it shut then daunt was all of me. Day long I was fantasizing, imagining my future perfect. Not perfect because I had everything I ever wanted but perfect because I had her, the only necessity I never thought I needed. When my heart beat for her it was loud, my world shook as about to be destroyed, I never panicked because I felt a better one being built. I believed, I had faith, I was sure but still I wished upon a star, yes it was stationery but I just wanted to see her again so my old world would be completely destroyed and the new one built. On the morrow I had no world, just a dark place of sorrow. The old one was destroyed and the new one not finished, my life was over. As the clock ticked and the O’clock’s passed I waited for my breath to pass also, I had nothing to live for. I had no one to love, nothing to hope for and nothing to do, I was dead inside but the vessel I was in kept breathing, laughing and even danced. Earth orbit the sun, lives were still being lived. The dying being inside my flesh slowly woke up for he had realised that no life changing mission is ever completed without a bumpy journey, the Mario brothers did it and so was I. I continued my search for my heart, I know now that I am not a man without a heart but a man that just needs to find his. I joined Earth, the being started breathing, laughing and even started dancing, my heart gave a beat. She was not the girl from before but maybe she was chapter two in my tale, the ups of the journey that will help me through my downs or maybe she has a part of my heart. There was only one way to find out “Hey” I said.

Entry Three

Everything For A Reason, A Good One Though?

One of my fundamental beliefs is that everything in my life happens for a reason that is greater than my current understanding. It has happened before when I thought the world was against me but later find out if things went the way I wanted I would've been doomed. Even with such belief it doesn't mean that it is easy to accept when crappy things happen.

Let me update you a bit. We'll start of with a little bit of history. This goes way, way beyond but I will start here. Last year around August September I met this wonderful girl that I had my eyes for quite some time. We first started talking at an after party of her matric dance. We hit things off that night, nothing major happened but it was a start. The following days we talked via Facebook Messenger and the chats were wonderful, something was happening. We met when we could as was she busy studying and all. The meetings were short, brief. So we talked on the phone, Facebook Messenger and met frequently but we were not dating no, no, no. Dating was all we talked about though, I shared with her my interests and she shared with me her concerns. It was good for me. It was slow and went almost nowhere and weird enough I liked it.

This has to be the most vivid memory of our time I have, when we first kissed. We had scheduled our quit brief meetings for that evening and building up to that meet we were talking about kissing, kisses, lips on our Messenger chats. In the chats I told her that the next time we met I was not going to say a word to her but just hold her firmly and kiss her. The October night was chilled and I was on my way to see her. On the way I was imagining, planning on how I would deliver my promise. I ran it over and over my head how I would just grab her and pull her close then just, you know. So it wasn't as planned. The first thing to go off plan was her running a bit late so the confidence I have been building was cooling down. I did the MMA hops to build up I felt weird. So there she was wearing this huge jacket. Second thing to go off plan, she started talking, explaining why she is late and how her aunty is , I was off my game. We had a quick awkward hug and then some of those super awkward "So" 's. We chatted it was cool but my brain only thinking about kissing her so I do not remember anything we talked about prior the kiss. The cold was getting to her regardless of the huge jacket also she had to go back to her studying so I had to get to the point. Do you know those scenes in Teen movies that make you want to slap your face so hard? I said something if it was said by a character in a movie I would shut the TV off and cover it with all the blankets in the house 'cause that level of douchery had to be contagious. Seeing that she was getting uneasy, ready to go home, I said something like. " Please, can you" then some stuttering mumbling "kiss me" . My subconscious mind was praying I get struck by lightning at that moment. She uhh then kissed me. It was a good kiss? I am not sure. It was chilly and as we passionately kiss I sensed some snort making its way down my nostrils. Note: her face was rubbing mine with burning passion. Did I get some on her? No, Yes, I have no idea. After we parted ways, all I was thinking about was snort. I was not thinking about the passion of it or the tenderness of her lips. I was not thinking about how that might have changed the status of our relationship but I thinking about snort, did it touch her or not.

It was going beautifully right. Almost immediately the day after I had to go out of town. The passion levels that were raised dropped each day I was away. As I was away I got a job offer somewhere farther. The passion levels dropped. I never saw her again. My phone broke. Lost her numbers. Lost All contact. It was the worst December ever. My some luck I found a phone on the ground at night, as soon as I put my simcard in, sometime in January she called. We talked for the first time in a while. It was beautiful. I went back to my mission to make her officially mine. Valentine was approaching, T pain had dropped this new love song for valentine, Officially Yours. I somehow realised for the first time that Oh Shit, I am in love with her. I fancied her and wished to date her but what I started feeling for her was now more serious, more deeper and more urgent. Valentine was Sunday and I was planning to try and explain it all to her on the day. Saturday I was having fun at the beach in Durban. My phone fell in the ocean, got very wet and stopped working immediately. Passion levels dropped. I was miserable the next day. I called her when I could from the office, but the calls were short and boring, almost formal. It remained that way until I was borrowed an old phone for just a week. Turning on the phone the first time, doubting the phone's functionality, a call came in. A sweet voice greeted me, it was her . We talked. I called for long chats, she called for long chats and as when the passion levels started rising again, the owner wanted their phone back. End of April I bought myself a phone using all I had remaining. The passion levels were raised.

We talked everyday and almost every hour awake. I told her how I actually felt about her. She became my world. She was 543km away, yeah I calculated. She was so far yet so close. She was the reason for all the joy I had this month, May. The love in me increased and by each second passing I became more certain of it. Days later she confessed her love for me. It was.. beautiful. We were now an official couple. We were dating. My love for her increased everyday. There was something new for us everyday. When I woke up she was what I thought of first. The last person I talked to every night. It was everything. As you have noticed I am writing in past tense. This past Wednesday, the day started normally, wonderfully, looking forward, excited for our chats. It was perfect, what could have gone wrong? Nothing had went wrong so far so why would it start now. The only medium we had at communication was by phone. Almost midday, I was carrying a box with my phone in hand. What fool does that. What idiot holds a heavy box along with a portal to his world, all at once. One was deemed to fall. I can still see the fall. I can still see the two spins it did right before it hit the hard floor. I put the box down, went for the phone. I did not rush the phone to see if it was ok but rather to text her, to talk to her, to tell her how my heart nearly stopped seeing my phone fall not because of my love for it but the idea and realisation that I almost lost my only way of reaching her. I tapped the screen, again, again, nothing. The beautiful wallpaper of her smiling at me was disturbed by a new crack right in the middle. I tapped and there was no response. Not again, not again, not again. My heart stopped.

I believe everything happens for a reason. The reason can either be to teach me an important lesson or some other higher reason. What is the lesson here. Every time my relationship with her starts being good something is bound to happen to separate us. Are we not good for each other? Can we please be given a chance to find that out ourselves. Is it wrong to love someone so much? Then why does it feel so right! Are we going to fast? Are all this disruptions methods of preventing destruction?. What if I want to be destroyed. Is this all just one continuous coincidence? I just want to be with her. Was I maybe fated to with another? I do not want the other, I want this one. Dear Lord, I trust in you. I have faith in your power and purpose. Today I humbly ask that you put my mind at ease and share with me some of your plan because right now I feel empty lonely and cold. Tell me it will all be ok, someday, someday soon. Share with me the reason. Share with me The God Dream. Share with me something. At the mean time, I pray that Lord God Almighty you let her know everyday that I love her. I pray that you watch over her, day and night. I pray for her joy, everyday and trusting in you I thank you for doing so already. Passion levels will never drop again.