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The Perplexing Nosebleeds Of Ebonie Fantasma Chapter Six:

by AriesBookworm


   Ebonie watched pure horror form on her mother's face. Fear was a funny thing to her. People had such trouble hiding it.

"Who told you that?'

"The girl in the trunk. Isn't that where Grandma put her?"

"Ebonie, you don't know what you're talking about."

"You're lying."

   Paige watched darkness swirl in her daughter's eyes. She never thought that a person, a child at that, could make her feel so horrified.

"She knows it was an accident, Mom. But her cold case isn't solved."

"Ebonie."

"You don't know what she was running from that night."

"Ebonie."

"You're getting a migraine, aren't you? You can feel her presence, can't you?"

"Ebonie!"

   Lighting flashed and the woman appeared on the road. Paige slammed on the brakes and sat there completely frozen. The woman's brown skin was covered in blood and dirt and her left eye was hanging out of her socket. Her bones in her arms and legs were broken in every direction. A vulture came down from the sky and ripped her left eye out entirely. A dozen more vultures followed soon after as she stood there. Staring unblinkingly at Paige. Was this what happened to the woman after death? Paige knew her mother had called someone to get rid of the body, but she never knew how she was disposed of.

   Paige felt a migraine forming in her head. It should have been impossible with the pills she was taking. She looked at Ebonie and saw her holding her nose. Blood pooled into Ebonie's hand as she stared at the woman on the road. The woman opened her mouth to speak, but nothing but bugs poured out. Paige gagged at the sight in front of her. The vultures were still pecking at her skin and blood-stained clothes. She shut her eyes, praying that it would all go away.

   A loud cry ran through the air. The exact same cry Paige heard that night 22 years ago. That same cry that had haunted her dreams ever since. Paige thrusted her hand into her purse and pulled out her pill bottle. Ebonie grabbed her hand.

"Mom, don't. She wants people to find out what happened to her."

   Paige snatched her hand away from Ebonie and opened the bottle. She popped three pills in her mouth and swallowed them with a bottle of water in the cupholder. She squeezed her eyes once more, and slowly opened them when the crying stopped. She looked in the backseat and saw nothing there. She jumped out the car and began calling Ebonie's name, but heard nothing in response.


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Thu Oct 14, 2021 12:42 am
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I have to say, this story keeps getting better and better! It's been a really great read for October especially: it's really carrying my spooky season! I'm especially wondering what's going to happen next and whose POV you're going to continue from. Paige's could be interesting, since she's probably going to be searching for Ebonie (I assume) but I'm also curious to see where Ebonie ended up.

One thing I really enjoyed was the characterization through dialogue you put in this. Ebonie is a teenager now (right? I'm pretty sure) and I can tell she's come a long way from the child she was before. The way she talks back to page has some of that characteristic teenager snark to it, and it's really interesting to see how she's interacting with ghosts, now, too. It seems she isn't as afraid of them as she used to be, which makes me curious to see how the story is going to continue...

Specifics

"The girl in the trunk. Isn't that where grandma put her?"


Since you're referring to Emmalyn using the title "grandma" without an article, "grandma" needs to be capitalized.

A dozen more vultures followed soon after as she stood there. Staring unblinkingly at Paige.


"Staring unblinkingly at Paige" is a dependent clause, so you need to attach it to the sentence before with a comma rather than making it its own sentence.

Overall: great job! I loved how you wrote Ebonie's dialogue in this, and Paige's grief/disturbance was also really nicely portrayed. Super excited to see what'll come next! Until next time!!





"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar