Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this was quite an interesting little scene this one. I think you've captured quite a few interesting emotions and ideas in this one. It looks like its also from a world with quite a bit of worldbuilding put into it. I'd say this is a pretty solid scene.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Aurantica sat on the temple steps, watching the throbbing blue veins of light above her. Her new wings were slumped at her sides, crumpled in a puddle of stained glass. Her curly hair was stringy and damp, and her usually bright eyes were dull and lined.
After a few moments, Iberus joined her. His Auralite form was beginning to deteriorate–little rainbow streamers trailed from his shoulders as he settled on the steps beside her. She didn’t speak, didn’t even move to acknowledge he was there. She just sat there, staring at the lights.
Well this is a beautiful little setup here to the scene. Its all nice and quiet there before it just sort of gently sets in. There's quite the atmosphere that develops rather quickly there and I think you've done a great job in general in terms of bringing this whole piece to life and making it feel like the scene is alive. I'm very intriguing see where this is going given it seems these two have some history here.
“They’re pretty,” he observed, following her gaze. Aurantica didn’t respond. “Kind of like the rivers back home.”
“Don’t talk to me about home,” Aurantica said suddenly, the edge of her voice blunted with tears. “I don’t have one anymore.”
“Yes, you do,” Iberus turned to look at her. Little streams of saltwater were pouring out of her big black eyes.
“No, I don’t!” she cried, pushing herself to her feet. It took a moment for her to regain her balance, steadying herself against one of the temple pillars. Her limp wings brushed against the stone beneath her, collecting sand. “Look at me! I’m a freak of nature! An illegitimate worm that was never meant to exist!”
Okayy well that is quite the outburst there. It feels like this probably has come after some sort of dramatic reveal there and things have gone a bit off the rails. Definitely makes you very much want to know more this one in terms of just how these two have gotten to this point.
“Do you really think that?” Iberus asked quietly. Aurantica just stared at him, tears dripping down her face. “Because I know it’s not true.”
“What do you suppose I am, then?” she demanded. “An Auralite? A-a Ceir? A deformed monster of creation?”
“I think you’re both,” he answered. “A little bit Ceir, a little bit Auralite. The best of two worlds.”
“How can I be the best of two worlds when on a perfect planet, I wouldn’t even exist?” Aurantica’s voice cracked, and she sank toward the ground, hands over her face.
Well this is quite the little conundrum it seems. At the moment we can't really place what any of this means but its clear there's some sort of stigma at work here and Iberus' opinion is likely not what the majority of people would have in terms of what Aurantica is having to face at the moment.
“You don’t know that.” Iberus’ tone was soft. “You’re making a bunch of assumptions about yourself based on circumstances you could never control. You’re not a worm, and you’re definitely not a monster. You’re Ari. And I, for one, think you’re beautiful.”
Aurantica sniffed, wiping her face with her hands. She wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her forehead on top.
“You’re just saying that,” her words were muffled.
“What makes you think that?” Iberus wondered.
Well it looks like whatever Iberus is trying to say here is getting through somewhat even thought clearly its not going to be plain sailing given quite how much there seems to be to work through in this particular piece. It definitely gives you some pause.
“I don’t–” she rubbed her eyes in frustration. “Well, I mean, just look at you! You’re practically a god, for goodness’ sake! And you can be whatever you want! Auralite, Ceir, Sinu–it doesn’t matter! Whatever size, whatever species…and you’re always so beautiful. But look at me–I’m a mangled mess…a, a mongrel! Any way you try to frame it, my people are enslaved, and I can’t even suffer with them because of…this!”
She gestured to herself, nearly scraping the pillars with her violent movement.
“Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not true,” Iberus stated firmly. “Look at me; Liatris doesn’t think you’re an outcast, Niku doesn’t think you’re an outcast, and most of all, your mother loves you. She doesn’t care that you’re a halfling. She’s just glad that you came home.”
Well that's definitely revealing another complicated potentially political situation there from the looks of it and well its pretty clear that this world seems to have quite the history written for it. Or at least the glimpses we're getting here seems to suggest there's quite a lot, which is still amazing.
Aurantica lowered her head, turning his words over in her mind. After a moment, she snorted.
“Niku doesn’t give a damn about me. Hell, he doesn’t give a damn about any of us. All he cares about is getting revenge for his sister.”
“I d–” Iberus began.
“Don’t,” Aurantica interrupted. “I know you’re going to say something sappy and idealistic about how ‘Niku actually cares about us blah blah blah’ but he doesn’t, Iberus. He’s nothing but a cold-blooded assassin, and that’s it. There’s no love in that frozen heart of his. Just like there’s no love in my mother’s heart for me.”
And with that, she walked away, leaving Iberus alone on the cold temple steps.
Well that was not quite what I was expecting but I suppose with all of the resistance happening and Iberus running out of things to say and repeating the same things that was the most likely outcome with what we had. It definitely does create a nice little cliffhanger.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think this works really well here. Even without having any real context for most of what's being talked about here the emotions all come through quite well and it ends up being a really interesting read regardless.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
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Reviews: 4012
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