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Weeping Witch (Chapter 2)

by Anma


Chapter 2 Trader

Before you start I want to say it may not be as good as the last one, I haven't had a very good week so I didn't have time to write much. But the next chapter is going to be way better, so please just try to read this one.

Meral

Guards and city folks twisted around Meral as he walked through the city. The fresh smells of baked goods, and horses, and people everywhere. The king gave him a simple order, and he couldn’t even do it. The trader was gone, and god knows what he is going to do with that information. In this crowded place, he couldn’t even try to run after him, especially not smell him.

One of the guards taped him on the shoulder “sir?”. “Have you found the old man yet?”.

“No” he growled angrily shrugging the man's hand off his shoulder.

Meral looked around for some way out, but there was no exit, but one thing for sure caught his eye. He turned to the guard's wide eyes and all “I'm going to climb onto the roof and see if I can see anything from there.”

The guy opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Meral raced to the edge of the house made of hard clay. He checked the stability before he lifted his body wait up and over. When he got to the top, he looked around at the people below, the smells now not so strong and he could try to concentrate on finding the man. He smelled swiftly looking for the old, rotten smell of fish. He sniffed it, and before the man could even move Meral caught his sight. They looked eye to eye, and Meral could see him flinch. The trader ran, and with heat so, rapid Meral did to jumping from roof to roof.

People screamed and duct as he jumped over them. Most likely thinking he’d fall on them, but he didn’t. The guard caught on to what he was doing and started to move, to yell. “Everyone move!” “Clear a path!”. One even yelled, “Trader, Trader don’t let him leave.” But no one listened to that, they all just ran.

Meral didn’t slow though knowing that if he did, the guy would get away. When he got to the end of the houses, he didn’t stop either. He jumped, and went flying, everyone screamed moving, and he hit the ground.

Rothal

A knock at the door startles Roth awake, she opened her eyes slightly to see her mom standing at the side table with a tray of food.

“Here you go hon,” she says setting it down “nice and hot, so you better eat it before it gets cold.”

Roth sat up dragging her blanket with her and put it over her shoulder. She talked, but it came out in a husky voice.

“Thank You,” She picked up the tea and took a long slow sip.

Elly just stood there staring at her with a frown.

“Is something wrong?” Roth asked, but she just shook her head “no.”

She looked at her curiously but when she didn’t budge Roth gave up. There was no hope in trying anyway, she has been stuck in this room for two days now, and now she was sure that Grim has lost his mind. How could he expect her to act her age locked in a room ALONE? Roth sighed and just stared at the oats of her food, then back at her mother.

Elly shook her head again. Tears filled her eyes “I'm sorry.” That’s all she said, and she left the room. “Sorry?” Roth said, “For what?

Meral

Merals left arm went Crack as he hit the rocks under him. He heard people gasp at the sound, and a few fainted. But he did not care; he just stood up and ran after the trader. His arm flapped around at his side, after a little while of running two guards caught up to him.

“What shall we do?” Halen asked from my side.

“We need to get the man to stop somewhere we can corner him then I can deal with it from there.”

“But your arm,” said the other soldier on his other side.

“My arm is fine, it will heal on its own after I put it back in place,” and with that, they parted off.

Halen took to the left of the guy, while the smaller guard took a right. A few other guards followed them, Ronald and Meral took the back. All at once they tackled him to the ground.

He yelled and struggled “Let me go! I didn’t do anything!”.

Meral stepped on the men back, he yelped.

“Keep it up old man, you think we're stupid? We know it's you.”

He coward “I was just doing my job, please don’t hurt me. I’ll do anything just please.”

Meral stared at him but then lifted his foot and Helped the man, pulling him to his feet.

“What could you possibly do for the king that we don’t already have.”

“You’ll have information given to you by a Speaking Witch” Meral froze.

He’s a witch, Meral smelt it before but wasn't sure what type, it was unfamiliar. It all made sense now, how he passed information and got a hold of it.

Meral cleared his throat “we could figure something out with the king.”

The men left traveling back to the king's castle with the prisoner tied up, as well as Merals arm.

Rothal

Roth paced around her room impatiently, she wanted to get out of this room.

She had to think of a way. “I mean I could try to convince my mom they made a mistake,” she told herself.

But she didn’t want to lie to her mother, she needed to convince her. She sighed sitting down in her desk fiddling with her quill. Roth looked out of the window into the thick forest, how many times she’s looked at it and wanted to run. Just run and not look back, she shook her head violently. No, she cants run away, she needed to leave her child's dreams behind her.

She stood up going to her drawer pulling out her ink and a piece of paper. She wrote and wrote and wrote letter after later of what she would say to her mother. Finally, she was done; she wiped the sweat from her face. It was lunch which was perfect for Rothal because that meant her mother would serve her food in a little while. So, she waited on her bed, note in hand ready to say what it says. But when she heard a knock on the door, it wasn’t her mom who came in it was Chapel.

He held the tray in his hands and said “I made you your favorite, I know I'm not the best cook in the world, but I tried” she smiled politely.

“Thank you” she took the tray setting it on her desk “where is mom?”.

He frowned “sick.” she moved the note in her hand “well she handed it to him.

“Could you give this to her to read?” he looked at her suspicious at first but then shook his head grabbing it.

Chapel kissed her cheek lightly “Hope you enjoy.”

He turned away to leave, but she grabbed his arm “she's going to be okay. Right?”

He turned slightly “your mother is going to be fine, it's okay.”


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Sun Mar 31, 2019 4:39 pm
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kostia wrote a review...



Hello there Anma!

I read all three of the chapters and I dropped by to give you my overall opinion.

I believe you have a good plot in mind and solid characters. However I would like to see the plot unraveling throughout the story. Your notes help for the understanding of the content however they wouldn't be necessary if you had "showed" instead of "said" (this refers to chapter 1). This is why even though it has a good concept, I feel distant from your story lines.

You present your characters in a clear and flattering light however you hardly give them any background. This confuses me as to the connection between the characters.

Other than that I believe the first two parts were way more descriptive regarding imagery than the third chapter was.

With this being said, even though descriptive some of your sentences are inconclusive. For example:

"The fresh smells of baked goods, and horses, and people everywhere."

A lot of sentences like this one stood up throughout the text. I believed they would make some point but didn't. I understand you want to show the environment around, but this isn't the proper way. Try to relate your sentence to the subject and close them properly.

Your punctuation is generally pretty good. Thumbs up! Your spelling is okay I think (but I wouldn't really know I m pretty bad at it.) I think you should pay attention to your grammar. I spotted some verbs on the wrong tense and some phrases that lacked verbs all together.

Overall if you put more time into it I believe you will have a fairly good read on your hands. I liked the first 2 chapters better than the last one. Great description! Keep up the good work.

Best regards
Kostia




Anma says...


Sooo... I just want to say the characters in the story (for now) do not know of each other at all. Not even that they exist, the more i get into the story the more it will make sense. I noticed that as i started writing my chapters seem to go down on the details and everything. I kind of had a writers block, still do, but I will try and do better on it. For now I'm trying to stick with others i have written. But thank you for the feedback and i will take them into consideration. :)



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Fri Mar 15, 2019 10:35 pm
shieldmaiden wrote a review...



Hey. I really liked this. The parts where it was taken from Meral's viewpoint I often was left a bit confused. The dialogue was a bit rusty - switching between characters without any clarity about who was talking - the thief or Meral. So, is the thief the one who has been in contact with the witch? And Meral is about to make him a deal with him 'cause the thief was helpless? If so, I'm really liking Meral more and more. The poor guy has it rough.

Rothal was amazing. I really could feel her pain - but why is she always trying to escape? To find her sister or because she has powers? Perhaps those questions would be further explained in future chapters and I'm just impatient.

The part of Rothal's mother being sick was a surprise to me. I felt as if I should have known that before. And what's the deal with Chapel kissing Rothal's cheek?

Very intriguing story - please don't stop!!!




Anma says...


To find her sister, if you read chapter 1 it will make more sense. Also yes Meral is going to try and make a deal with the theif (who is the Speaking Witch) Ill try to make that more clear next time.



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Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:57 am
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JadeLotus says...



Well worth the wait! This was good. (If you want me to give this a real review, I will. Just lemme know!)




Anma says...


If you wouldn't mind



Anma says...


Should I just give up on writing? Cause that's just what I feel like doing right now.



JadeLotus says...


Don't!




"People should not be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people."
— V for Vendetta