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Sorry:

by Anma


Before you read, lemme say I was really pissed while I was writing this.This does go into my dark side so be careful! 


Sorry is a plain word. 

It leaves a bitter taste in your fibbing mouth.

It comes out with a lot of hate and doubt.

When others are upset around, you always want to let it out.

Your lies are like bugging fly's.

We don't like them to be alive.

Your love is just a messy game.

Girls always seem to be the blame.

When will you learn?

Even so many times you've been hurt.

You'll come back crying, oh I know.

Hope you learned to walk on you tippy toes.

The coal underneath your feet must feel nice.

Cause you haven't seemed to stop your fight.

Heaven and hell may come to you.

But i think jail time will be soon.

Oh don't cry, my souls just been broken.

Hope your happy now, with your hoe's who broke you.

:......Act, this gives you a hint on how I took what happened......

"sorry I told you I loved you, even though I did not"

Stares off into space, tears in eyes.

"goodbye"


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Wed Jun 12, 2019 1:41 pm
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silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Okay okay. I know I’m kinda of a suicidal person, so when someone talks about something sad; I usually expect something similar to my case. So if I’m harsh, you’re warned.
Your dark side.. that basically means the part you found the saddest in your life. It’s not your DaRk side. A dark side never reveals itself. A dark side is not some kind of personality or mask you can wear or cast off at your will, a dark side is a more polite way of saying: reckless. That usually happens when you have enough- whether it’s because you’re sad or angry- I mean, god! Do you have like a multiple identity disorder? My dArK sIde? That’s a reference to a personality more reckless and possessive than the others! It doesn’t have nothing to do with some dark side of a soul! I strongly believe I have DID, so yes, I say that I have dark sides; but. I. don’t. see. that. as. a. manichean. trait! You do tho. I don’t believe people are made of light and darkness! And that’s the reason my favorite color is grey, because there are no traits to it; whether good or evil! Sorry sorry. I was meant to review your poem..
although your catchphrase boiled me up, this poem reflects well enough your feelings. But I think you should’ve waited a bit.. like.. all these words are just a stumbling of letters and sentences, with rhymes. But there is beauty is messes.




Anma says...


Wow.. I honestly don't know what to say....



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Mon Apr 29, 2019 2:46 pm
Anma says...



This is so sad.... I hope you feel better! Byeeee




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Sun Apr 28, 2019 4:59 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, @Anma. FlamingPhoenix here to talk about your poem like you asked me to.

Let's start.

I really an feel all the emotion you are feeling in this poem, and it has me a little worried, I'm sad that you aren't doing that well, and things aren't going well for you, but we all have out days like this. Not n the same way, but we all have moments like this. So done be afraid to talk to anyone.
But putting that aside this was a really well written poem, I could feel what you are feeling. And the flow was really good, being your punctuation was really good. I think you ended the poem really well, just enough to made the reader feel sorry for everything that has happened. Over all great job.
Again, don't feel sad, there is lot's of other people going through things like this, and I'm sure they will be glad to help you out and talk, I know I will. So come talk to me when ever you want. Never stop writing because you are amazing. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

Happy review day!




Anma says...


Thank you...





Your welcome!



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 3:32 pm
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GirlWithATypewriter wrote a review...



Hey Anma!
I got to say I really loved this poem and I honestly don't know what you are talking about girl. This is really beautiful and I personally don't think you should remove it.
It is really powerful and I could feel your anger, pain and hurt right through the words.
Please don't think that a poem is going to bad if you were really mad while righting it. The greatest gift to any writer is the flurry of emotions that they feel. Strong emotions never make you a bad writer. And accepting that you have dark side is not a flaw, it's not a weakness. People that do not accept the fact, those are the weak ones.
Anyway, getting back to the poem,

''
Sorry is a plain word.

It leaves a bitter taste in your fibbing mouth.

It comes out with a lot of hate and doubt.

When others are upset around, you always want to let it out.
''
I really loved the way you kicked off the poem with these lines. You didn't dilly-dally or beat around the bush, but you made a statement and I commend that.
Overall it was a good poem but it kind of dulled down just a little bit at the ending.

"with your hoe's who broke you.

:......Act, this gives you a hint on how I took what happened......

"sorry I told you I loved you, even though I did not"

I particularly didn't really grasp the meaning of these three lines and would appreciate if you took the time to explain it to me.

Overall, with a little adjustments on punctuations and grammar, this can be a really great poem.

XOXO




Anma says...


Thank you, i don't think I'm gonna remove it..



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 5:14 am
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FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

I can tell that there is a deep meaning to this poem, and I think each line is really powerful in terms of expressing your feelings. Anger, hate... I could feel so much is conveyed in this poem. Honestly, the way these lines are written is also impactful. Like you said, this was written in some sort of rage, and these thoughts were probably flying out of your head onto the paper. I think this really enhances the idea of this poem as well. This way, the thoughts and ideas of this poem are more raw and honest, coming straight from within yourself. Reading your comment below... it's good to let out your steam like this.

Sorry is a plain word.

It leaves a bitter taste in your fibbing mouth.

It comes out with a lot of hate and doubt.


I really like these first few lines. This is where I can feel the most anger arising from the word "sorry". I agree that it really is a plain word because you can never tell whether someone is actually being sincere or not... and I'm guessing that this is where your anger comes from.

Cause you haven't seem to stop your fight.


This line is the only one I can see that has mixed tenses. "Haven't seem" can instead be changed to "haven't seemed".

Anyway, even if this is being taken down later, thank you for sharing such raw emotions into this poem so freely. We could all try to do that sometimes as well!

Keep Writing :)




Anma says...


Thank you



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 4:35 am
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Anma says...



Letting steam off here, ignor it if you'd like. I'm really angry, and sad, and confused. I have known this guy for ten years of my life. He told me he loved me, and he begged me to be with him. Then he shows up to my birthday party talking about his girlfriend how he loves her. And all he says to me was "sorry". Like ARE YOU KIDING ME??




Anma says...


Ughhhhhhh!!! I he boys! No offense



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 4:11 am
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Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @Anma I am here to do a review on your poem here, also don't worry I have my really dark days to you no everyone does.

What I like

Sorry is a plain word.

It leaves a bitter taste in your fibbing mouth.

It comes out with a lot of hate and doubt.


Okay so I really feel the anger in these lines and this was what I expected it to be like i feel the amoshens flying all over the place, the way the lines blend to gather is really good you have done a grate job with these three lines, but I did notes one thing that kept on showing up at the end of every line so I will talk about that in What I think mite need work.

When others are upset around, you always seem to get it out.

Okay so I feel like this line is me sometimes its bad I no.

When will you learn?

Even so many times you've been hurt.

You'll come back crying, oh I know.

Hope you learned to walk on you tippy toes.


Gosh this is just to true to even bear, I feel like I am slap bang in the middle of this poem right now, its just to reel, I like it though because it stats problems.

What I think mite need work

Sorry is a plain word.

It leaves a bitter taste in your fibbing mouth.

It comes out with a lot of hate and doubt.


Okay so I did say there was one thing that was bugging my throw out the hole poem this kept on happening, so I don't really think you need a full stop there on every single line maybe just put one of these by some of the lines , also the reason I did not name this was because I don't really no what its name is :(

When others are upset around, you always seem to get it out.

I am just going to put this line down in suggestions and the bit that I change will be in bold so you can see.

Suggestions
When others are upset around, you always seem to want to let it out.

So this is all I can say, I hope that I was not being to mean about this, if I was please forgive me, I hope you find this review helpful to you I would love to here if it was, So keep up the good poem writing. :D

Your YWS Friend

@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill

Happy Review Day




Anma says...


Added onto it, and thx



Dossereana says...


Welcomed. :D



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 3:59 am
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Aliceinhorrorland wrote a review...



Hallo, I’m here to review this even if it’s going to eventually be removed. I felt a lot of emotion, mostly anger, in this poem. I loved how you began your poem, it was impactful, and me want to actually read it. I liked the metaphors you used in this, like the one with the flies. I don’t think this is actually a bad poem (I swear I’m not just saying that), it’s pretty powerful and you can definitely tell that this was meant towards a specific person. I also liked how you ended it with the word “broke you” after you mentioned the word “broken” in the above line, it just tied together.
The only critique I really have is when you put the word “fly’s” I think the word is spelled “flies.” Not a big thing, and easily correctable.

Overall, this poem was actually really great. Whether you keep the poem up or not, just know that’s it’s not bad :3

Annnnyways~ that’s be it from me!

-Alice




Anma says...


Added to it, thanks




It's a dramatic situation almost every time you answer the phone—if you answer the phone.
— Matthew Weiner