Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic


Oh Father

by Anma


Oh father, I know I have grown.

Here's a poem I created on my own.

For you to sip your tea, and have some German chocolate.

Go ahead and take a seat.

-

In case you didnt know.

I'm not a heartless soul.

I'm not stuffed with sand, for I still bleed. 

I know what's inside and outside me. 

Theres no reason for you to be mean. 

Your a human too, just like me. 

I'm not a piece of fruit that you can just take a piece and leave. 

I'm not the only one who knows your greed. 

Your fake twisted jokes of others like me.

You make it so that it's hard for me to breath.

-

I'm not a doll you can just transform. 

I'm sorry I wasn't a boy when I was born. 

Maybe then father you may have stayed. 

Unless your fake love has stained.

You talk to my brothers, but no longer me. 

I'm the one of the bunch you can see. 

So please father tell me, how many babys have you left by the tree. 

You must think boys are more superior. 

Or else you would still talk to me even when you leave the country. 

Oh, my hope is lost, for I know you dont love me.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar


Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Donate
Thu May 16, 2019 1:02 pm
View Likes
rrrRandomNoob says...



Holy crap, this is really emotional! I really think that this a really good (and sad) piece of art! That’s not really much else that I can say, other than that hopefully you can get some help. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with you, but I think a therapist may be in order.
Overall, a great piece of art that really has given a glimpse into your life. Good style, and it engrossed me into your complex relationship with your father.




Anma says...


I havent had thyrapy in a while, but I have gotten help. Its okay im not offended or anything. Thanks! Im glad u liked it!



User avatar


Points: 67
Reviews: 2

Donate
Wed May 15, 2019 9:35 pm
View Likes
TobilloTheTinyTurtle wrote a review...



First off, I want to say how clear the message and emotion are in this one, so kudos! However, in the first stanza, you seem to describe your father in a more humane and memorial way. Especially with "For you to sip your tea, and have some German chocolate," it makes him seem like a more grounded type of person.
But as we read on, we see this just isn't true, and the first stanza throws the reader off and sets up a world which you immediately tear apart.
Other than that, I loved your comparisons to your brothers.




Anma says...


Thanks so much!!



User avatar
14 Reviews


Points: 76
Reviews: 14

Donate
Sat May 11, 2019 7:43 pm
View Likes
averyismediocre wrote a review...



Hi! So, I love this poem a lot. You expressed your emotion beautifully. The rhyming was great, and your punctuation was perfect, However, you used the wrong "you're" in the line "your a human too, just like me." It's a small issue, but can be easily fixed so don't worry too much about it. Also, the line, "For you to sip your tea, and have some German chocolate." does not flow like the rest of your poem. It's out of place and ruins the rhythm. I'm sure the reason to include the chocolate part, but it doesn't match. Especially since the next line rhymes with the tea part. In general, though, the line kind of just doesn't make sense. It doesn't even go with the next line. Also, the line before that ends in a period and so does the actual line, so I don't get why the sentence starts with the word "for". That's the only thing though. Everything else is great.




User avatar
25 Reviews


Points: 161
Reviews: 25

Donate
Sat May 11, 2019 7:20 pm
View Likes
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



OMG I HOPEI AM NOT GETTING THE WRONG MESSAGE HERE BUT IS YOUR FATHER ABUSING YOU, BECUASE FROM THE EMOTIVE AND EMOTIANL LANAUAGE YOU USED IT CREATES A SEMATIC FIELD OF HURT AND VILE ABUSE. ANY WAY THE REVIEW,

the line where you use german chocolate does not fit in with the tone of the poem it adds flavours and laughter but does not show any emotions just a sentence to finsh the stanza. it is really deep and reaches out to many readers and again I am sorry if I am getting the wrong end of the stick here.


sorry 10/10

seekingthetruth




Anma says...


No.... He abandoned me when I was just a little girl. He hates me because I'm not a boy.



Anma says...


I mean he's not abusive to me cause I don't see him. But he's very controlling to girls. I found that out when I was living him for a short period of time. He used my stepmother for stuff, she was practically her maid. And he tried to kill my puppy cause she peed on the floor. I tried to protect her and he ended up hurting me too.





oh god I hope you and your mum are safe and as I say sorry for the confusion



Anma says...


Its okay, were good. Thanks for caring :)



User avatar
101 Reviews


Points: 6031
Reviews: 101

Donate
Sat May 11, 2019 5:56 pm
View Likes
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This poem contains such deep emotion... I could feel a mix of emotions from each line, especially a lot of anger. Each line gave me a really clear idea of how you feel towards this person, and the last line really tied down your deepest thoughts and feelings. The lines in this poem are directed at your father and I think this makes the poem even more powerful.

Your a human too, just like me.


This line just has a small typo with "you're" being changed to "your".

I'm not a piece of fruit that you can just take a piece and leave.


In this line, I don't think the words "and leave" really goes with the "fruit" metaphor. I would maybe change it to "I'm not a fruit for you to just take a piece and throw away". I think this would give this line a stronger idea.

Anyway, you are really brave for sharing such a deeply meaningful piece and expressing your emotions so freely. Just know that you will always have people in this community to talk to and I hope you will keep sewing writing as a way to release your emotions. You really are an amazing writer!

Keep Writing. :)





“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451