Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Art » Dramatic

E - Everyone

Dark, fire( The pictures are from

by Anma

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar

Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:34 am

review! your story is good,improve it more,hmmmn,what can i say again?........... but you tried!

User avatar
37 Reviews

Points: 300
Reviews: 37

Fri Aug 09, 2019 5:07 am
demoncat says...

It says quite instead of quiet!

User avatar
106 Reviews

Points: 10917
Reviews: 106

Wed Jun 19, 2019 1:10 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...

(The Dark is quite)? Wut? I hope you meant that the dark is QUIET tsk tsk. Anyways, the rest of the poem is cool. The background fascinates me (even though there’s this white square next to your poem) but it still is a great piece of (coughs) art. Now for fire (because I review backwards) I like how you begin. Straight to the point. Direct. Kinda vague as well. And then you start with primitive information, (Fire is the opposite of ice) and then you hooked me so badly I read the whole thing until I realized I had to review at the same time. I like the way you give this vague, kinda unclear image of fire- as if it’s misunderstood. You start with primitive information, then you begin with the part of fire we SEE. Like when looking at someone, here; your poem would’ve started then with (face) and the primitive information as well as the thing we SEE on that face- probably would’ve been (green eyes/ slender features/..) what I like as well, is that you don’t judge these things we center personalities on. People generally see fire as a source of warmth- nothing more- but you get in deeper, you go below where no one got to. (Not that nobody can, they just lack the will) and that line is REELING. I think you chose very well your background, but a more interesting way of putting it.. would be upside down. Since the warmth is the first thing we see, you should’ve put it above, and the darker.. more blue parts would’ve been the part our eyes never fall onto (below) and since this poem gives us an idea no one ever explored, it might be even more reeling, to see something we’ve always thought should rightfully be a certain way (the way you put your picture) in a way which makes us think twice. Generally a good poem.

User avatar

Points: 254
Reviews: 1

Sun Jun 09, 2019 7:46 pm

Great job

User avatar
271 Reviews

Points: 16577
Reviews: 271

Thu Apr 18, 2019 12:02 am
View Likes
rosette wrote a review...

Hey, hey, how's it going?

It's pretty rare to see actual pictures in the Green Room, which may or may not be why I dropped in. :p They're lovely pictures, at least! I always love when poets add an image to their poems because it certainly seems to bring more life to the piece and give some imagery that words can't. But the thing to beware of with a background image is it may distract from the poem itself or make it more difficult to read, and I think this is the case with both of these images. I had to squint to read a couple of the lines and I know some may not even be able to read them. Maybe you could use a bolder font or different images?

I think the second one is my favorite of the two. It certainly depicts the peaceful atmosphere of the night your words speak of and though it may be a bit cliche, I still like the moon-shining-like-a-diamond phrase. With the first, the comparison of fire as a weapon and then as safety was nice. (I'm assuming the "Fire" at the top is what the poem is called, but that makes me wonder what the name of the second is). However, I noticed both have a few grammatical errors: "opisite" should be "opposite" and "quite" should be "quiet". I'm also not sure why 'live' is in quotation marks on the last line of the second piece or what the lines "Fire may be hot, but under / it's as cold as it gets" means for the first.

My final suggestion would be to spice both up a little. For now, they seem pretty generic for poetry and don't make much of a statement. But I do encourage you to keep experimenting and writing because I certainly like how you've included background images and how you've set up the poems.
Keep it up!
I'll see ya around. :]


Anma says...

Okay! Thank you!

User avatar
108 Reviews

Points: 2609
Reviews: 108

Wed Apr 03, 2019 3:28 pm
View Likes
4revgreen wrote a review...

I don't know if this is what you meant, but I'll go over grammar for you :-)
First picture:
It's "Opposite" not opisite.
It would make more sense to say "At lightning speed" not with
comma's in the sentence should be "fire may be hot but under, it's as cold as it gets"

Second picture:
Should be "Quiet" not quite
"Everything stops the motion" does not make sense. I don't know what you meant, maybe stops IN motion?

Also, the first picture looks like sequins not fire and the second looks like car lights not the moon :-D

User avatar
27 Reviews

Points: 257
Reviews: 27

Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:35 am
View Likes
Morgan says...

Hi there, Anma. I’m not sure if this is one, but “The dark is quite.” Isn’t it supposed to say “The dark is quiet.”

User avatar
121 Reviews

Points: 4156
Reviews: 121

Wed Apr 03, 2019 1:25 am
View Likes
Honora says...

Diamond is spelt wrong?

Anma says...

Ya, but there is other things. If you were a teacher what would you dock me points for?? Either than spelling.. Lol

Honora says...

Well, the words are a bit hard to read for one. Another thing is the moon. It looks a almost like a headlight of a car XD

Anma says...

You did it, lol>

Honora says...

Yay!! Lol :D

Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash