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Dark, fire( The pictures are from

by Anma

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270 Reviews

Points: 16682
Reviews: 270

Thu Apr 18, 2019 12:02 am
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rosette wrote a review...

Hey, hey, how's it going?

It's pretty rare to see actual pictures in the Green Room, which may or may not be why I dropped in. :p They're lovely pictures, at least! I always love when poets add an image to their poems because it certainly seems to bring more life to the piece and give some imagery that words can't. But the thing to beware of with a background image is it may distract from the poem itself or make it more difficult to read, and I think this is the case with both of these images. I had to squint to read a couple of the lines and I know some may not even be able to read them. Maybe you could use a bolder font or different images?

I think the second one is my favorite of the two. It certainly depicts the peaceful atmosphere of the night your words speak of and though it may be a bit cliche, I still like the moon-shining-like-a-diamond phrase. With the first, the comparison of fire as a weapon and then as safety was nice. (I'm assuming the "Fire" at the top is what the poem is called, but that makes me wonder what the name of the second is). However, I noticed both have a few grammatical errors: "opisite" should be "opposite" and "quite" should be "quiet". I'm also not sure why 'live' is in quotation marks on the last line of the second piece or what the lines "Fire may be hot, but under / it's as cold as it gets" means for the first.

My final suggestion would be to spice both up a little. For now, they seem pretty generic for poetry and don't make much of a statement. But I do encourage you to keep experimenting and writing because I certainly like how you've included background images and how you've set up the poems.
Keep it up!
I'll see ya around. :]


Anma says...

Okay! Thank you!

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93 Reviews

Points: 2391
Reviews: 93

Wed Apr 03, 2019 3:28 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...

I don't know if this is what you meant, but I'll go over grammar for you :-)
First picture:
It's "Opposite" not opisite.
It would make more sense to say "At lightning speed" not with
comma's in the sentence should be "fire may be hot but under, it's as cold as it gets"

Second picture:
Should be "Quiet" not quite
"Everything stops the motion" does not make sense. I don't know what you meant, maybe stops IN motion?

Also, the first picture looks like sequins not fire and the second looks like car lights not the moon :-D

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27 Reviews

Points: 457
Reviews: 27

Wed Apr 03, 2019 2:35 am
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Morgan says...

Hi there, Anma. I’m not sure if this is one, but “The dark is quite.” Isn’t it supposed to say “The dark is quiet.”

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75 Reviews

Points: 1438
Reviews: 75

Wed Apr 03, 2019 1:25 am
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Honora says...

Diamond is spelt wrong?

Anma says...

Ya, but there is other things. If you were a teacher what would you dock me points for?? Either than spelling.. Lol

Honora says...

Well, the words are a bit hard to read for one. Another thing is the moon. It looks a almost like a headlight of a car XD

Anma says...

You did it, lol>

Honora says...

Yay!! Lol :D

“And how shall I think of you?' He considered a moment and then laughed. 'Think of me with my nose in a book!”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell