review! your story is good,improve it more,hmmmn,what can i say again?........... but you tried!
It says quite instead of quiet!
(The Dark is quite)? Wut? I hope you meant that the dark is QUIET tsk tsk. Anyways, the rest of the poem is cool. The background fascinates me (even though there’s this white square next to your poem) but it still is a great piece of (coughs) art. Now for fire (because I review backwards) I like how you begin. Straight to the point. Direct. Kinda vague as well. And then you start with primitive information, (Fire is the opposite of ice) and then you hooked me so badly I read the whole thing until I realized I had to review at the same time. I like the way you give this vague, kinda unclear image of fire- as if it’s misunderstood. You start with primitive information, then you begin with the part of fire we SEE. Like when looking at someone, here; your poem would’ve started then with (face) and the primitive information as well as the thing we SEE on that face- probably would’ve been (green eyes/ slender features/..) what I like as well, is that you don’t judge these things we center personalities on. People generally see fire as a source of warmth- nothing more- but you get in deeper, you go below where no one got to. (Not that nobody can, they just lack the will) and that line is REELING. I think you chose very well your background, but a more interesting way of putting it.. would be upside down. Since the warmth is the first thing we see, you should’ve put it above, and the darker.. more blue parts would’ve been the part our eyes never fall onto (below) and since this poem gives us an idea no one ever explored, it might be even more reeling, to see something we’ve always thought should rightfully be a certain way (the way you put your picture) in a way which makes us think twice. Generally a good poem.
Hey, hey, how's it going? It's pretty rare to see actual pictures in the Green Room, which may or may not be why I dropped in. :p They're lovely pictures, at least! I always love when poets add an image to their poems because it certainly seems to bring more life to the piece and give some imagery that words can't. But the thing to beware of with a background image is it may distract from the poem itself or make it more difficult to read, and I think this is the case with both of these images. I had to squint to read a couple of the lines and I know some may not even be able to read them. Maybe you could use a bolder font or different images?I think the second one is my favorite of the two. It certainly depicts the peaceful atmosphere of the night your words speak of and though it may be a bit cliche, I still like the moon-shining-like-a-diamond phrase. With the first, the comparison of fire as a weapon and then as safety was nice. (I'm assuming the "Fire" at the top is what the poem is called, but that makes me wonder what the name of the second is). However, I noticed both have a few grammatical errors: "opisite" should be "opposite" and "quite" should be "quiet". I'm also not sure why 'live' is in quotation marks on the last line of the second piece or what the lines "Fire may be hot, but under / it's as cold as it gets" means for the first. My final suggestion would be to spice both up a little. For now, they seem pretty generic for poetry and don't make much of a statement. But I do encourage you to keep experimenting and writing because I certainly like how you've included background images and how you've set up the poems. Keep it up! I'll see ya around. :]~rosette
I don't know if this is what you meant, but I'll go over grammar for you First picture: It's "Opposite" not opisite.It would make more sense to say "At lightning speed" not withcomma's in the sentence should be "fire may be hot but under, it's as cold as it gets"Second picture:Should be "Quiet" not quite"Everything stops the motion" does not make sense. I don't know what you meant, maybe stops IN motion?Also, the first picture looks like sequins not fire and the second looks like car lights not the moon
Hi there, Anma. I’m not sure if this is one, but “The dark is quite.” Isn’t it supposed to say “The dark is quiet.”
Diamond is spelt wrong?
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