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by Aliceinhorrorland


I stand with crippled legs, refusing to get crutches,

I walk with such a stride of emptiness, it’s infectious,

Sometimes you ache so much, you truly feel nothing,

But there are always people who make you see something,

Through the thick fog.

* * *             * * *         * * *          * * *            * * *

Sometimes you have to spend so much time searching,

For water to put out the fire that’s been flaming and burning,

But wildfires are only natural,

The best things in life are the ones that are gradual.

I read a poem once saying through tough times “you only pass through,”

Because you are on a journey, on a map that you have drew,

If you travel enough, eventually you’ll find the future isn’t so far,

But you decide if you want to stay grounded or reach for the stars.

* * *      * * *         * * *           * * *

It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be a broken doll sometimes,

But you have to dry those tears and pick up glue to realize,

How you are not alone, you’re just hidden in the dark,

And you will find the light, and you will make your mark.

A girl once said to me “don’t let fear control your life,”

I said “No promises, but I guess that I will try.”

Living in a cave of dust of doubts and creeping out,

I still hear the lines of whispers scream and shout.

And then they stop.


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14 Reviews


Points: 221
Reviews: 14

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Fri May 03, 2019 11:45 pm
Miraculor77 says...



This is good!
It's been a while since I read poetry, so thanks for writing this.

Keep writing,
Mira




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122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

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Mon Apr 29, 2019 2:46 pm
Anma says...



It is amazing! good job!




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425 Reviews


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Reviews: 425

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Sun Apr 28, 2019 3:12 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day. I'm also going to try my best to get this out the green room for you.

Okay let's start.

So everything about this poem was really amazing. Your writing is really good, and all the emotion is just wow. I could feel everything you were feeling, and trying to get across into your words. I think you did a really good job. I also think the words you chose to choose was a great choice too, because as I was reading I had such a good image in my head. It wasn't really like description, but it still put an image in my head, like I was there with that girl who is struggling.
I think the length of your poem was also really good, it was just long enough to come across as a story, instead of a poem. Well that's how I saw this.
What I'm trying to say is that this was a very well written poem, and I loved reading it. Event he name was good, that was what made me come and read it. I hope you never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

And Happy Review Day!! :D






Thank you so much <3





Your welcome. :D



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110 Reviews


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Reviews: 110

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Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:46 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This is a really nicely written poem! I could feel so much emotion being conveyed from this with all of the emphasis you put in every line. The lines flow really well together to form a structured idea, and I think you really capture the readers by placing bold, italics, and whatever in the right places! I think you are really skilled at writing pieces with such deep meaning. It feels to me like each individual line has a deeper significance to it that the readers need to ponder over. It's completely different from simply conveying a straightforward idea in a line. There is a layer of motivation in this poem for all of us, but instead of just making it into a motivational message for all of us, I like how you took it further and danced around this topic with creative metaphors and other poetic devices. There are some lines with slant, or close, rhymes... though these overall don't really affect the poem too much! Reading through this just feels like a solid flow of words, and there's nothing that really breaks apart this rhythm.

There is only one line that I noticed where there is a mistake in the tenses.

Because you are on a journey, on a map that you have drew


"Have drew" is a mix of both past and present tense... so maybe you could say either "had drawn" or just "drew". This is probably just a typo...

Anyway, that's all from me! This poem is amazing to read, and I hope to read much more of your work!

Keep Writing :)






Thank you!



FabihaNeera says...


You're welcome! :)




It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.
— Mr Collins, Pride and Prejudice