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A Constellation of Tears

by AilahEvelynMae

I often wonder if you ever feel bad,

For the mental game you play, so sad.

I'm an astronomer, mapping out despair,

Counting constellations in the sky of your cold glare.

Stars trace the path of tears I've shed,

Leaving a trail of blood, heavy and red.

You carve me like a pumpkin, tossed aside,

A vessel of emptiness, my body's silent tide.

I want to spill it all, build a ship and sail,

Escape this mess, leave behind this jail.

A skeleton, I'd be, memories hanging like bones,

Every gaze from you, a weight that groans.

Is this a review?



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Points: 37
Reviews: 1

Tue Nov 14, 2023 6:14 pm
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LuaSky wrote a review...

Certainly! Here's the corrected version:

"The pain being described is incredible. I really enjoyed reading it. I don't know if you did it intentionally, but using astronomy as a metaphor adds a unique and poignant layer to the pain being described.

In the second verse, I was relating to what was written. It really made me feel the loneliness and the sadness of the author.

Thank you for sharing these beautiful words with us."

Lua :)

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16 Reviews

Points: 614
Reviews: 16

Mon Nov 13, 2023 12:55 am
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Lullaby wrote a review...

Hi Evie! Just your friend Lullaby stopping by to write a quick review of this poem. It always makes me happy to see when you upload. But let's get into it!

I agree with doegrl, reading this (and your other poems) out loud portrays a natural rhythm and effortless rhyme to your poem. The message and tone of this emotion is clear from the words you use and the progression from beginning to end. My favorite line has to be

Counting constellations in the sky of your cold glare

I am guessing this is the line that inspired the whole poem. Your title “A Constellation of Tears” is a beautiful poem and I can see how it fits into the work itself.

May I also note the finishing line
Every gaze from you, a weight that groans

Oh, I love that!

It’s hard to explain but it’s almost as if your lines truly speak for themselves. Your writing is always so clear and fun to read. I appreciate the consistency of punctuation and capitalization. Overall, I just really enjoy your poetry. The emotion behind the poem is clear and the intention is well executed.
Small review but keep writing! Much love ♡

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8 Reviews

Points: 331
Reviews: 8

Sun Nov 12, 2023 8:21 pm
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doegrl wrote a review...

I really enjoy reading poems out loud, I think it allows me to better understand the poem and feel the more lyrical aspect of a poem. Out loud, this poem sounded really nice, the rhyme didn't feel forced and the syllable count of each sentence worked nicely together.

I like how we get this little path of analogies, the astronomer, the ship, the skeleton. It would be cool to see those as a specific theme, maybe one per stanza.

My favorite lines were "memories hanging like bones" and "my body's silent tide". Thanks for sharing this poem, I loved reading it!

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7 Reviews

Points: 31
Reviews: 7

Sun Nov 12, 2023 6:24 am
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RoseBalor wrote a review...

Wow. This was very well written. I felt very different emotions from beginning to end. I absolutely enjoyed the middle part when you said, “You carve me like a pumpkin, tossed aside, A vessel of emptiness, my body’s silent tide.” I think anyone who has experienced loss or heartbreak knows exactly what that feels like. Gave me chills, honestly. Great poem!

Poetry is like a bird, it ignores all frontiers.
— Yevgeny Yevtushenko