Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Would you still be alive in another life?
***
Two strawberries nestle between bright leaves, dew congealing on their delicate skins. They are flashes of flushed crimson in between melted green leaves, perfectly ripe. A hand reaches out, picks the first one and examines it carefully. It's spotless, a deep ruby red that shines in the fading daylight. Fingers brush over the raised surface before gently dropping it into a woven basket to sit on top of dozens of like strawberries. It reaches for the second one, stem snapping crisply so the strawberry falls easily into their waiting palm. It squishes undered wrinkled folds of tanned skin, rolling over slowly to reveal the hidden half was covered with white fuzz, slimy maggots squirming in the gray-pink matter as they are disturbed. The hand drops the strawberry- the fruit thudding dully as it hits the soft soil- and moves on.
***
Hands clasped together on top of the crinkly white, plasticky material, alabaster against a rich coffee, hand shaking. The girl smiles weakly at her companion, warm cocoa brown eyes dulled by the influences of chemicals and lack of sun, creases cut sharply into the smooth caramel of her forehead. The heart monitor stutters, beeps trailing off before picking back up again. Colorful flowers lay on the nightstand, petals half-wilted and bowing towards the floor tiredly. He presses a gentle kiss to each exhausted wrinkle on her face, still holding her hand with the utmost care. He has deep purple bags under each glassy eye, smile wobbling with each waver of the heart monitor. She smiles, eyes sliding shut slowly.
The monitor flat lines with a long, sorrowful beep.
The flowers hit the floor, glass vase shattering into hundreds and millions of shards.
Or maybe that was just him.
***
No, I would not be alive in another life.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well this was an interesting little duality. Both very powerful moments in their own right. I personally can't find the best connection, they feel like they hint at slightly different angles but they are on their own very powerful, especially the second one which hits incredibly hard.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this is quite the powerful little bit of description to move in. I mean on one hand it is just a very good description of picking up a strawberry that nice and fresh and ready to go followed by one that's clearly gone quite rotten on the inside but the way we have that opening line and then the addition we pay to that hand itself makes me think this is a bit more of an analogy of here of perhaps a young energetic person and someone more... rotten at the core although that doesn't feel quite right given the title. We'll see where this takes us next.
Well this is just incredibly heart wrenching here. I can see a connection here between the idea of strawberries with one falling off rotten, the idea of someone ravaged by cancer, battling it for what appears to have been quite a while only to loose said battle and be in this terrible state of death and the final moments there as the husband gets to say one small goodbye before it ends shattering his heart. Its a powerful single image there. I don't quite know if it works really in tune with the strawberries but on its own its quite a powerful picture to paint here. Not the first one I've seen of this nature but certainly just as heartbreaking as all of the rest.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall I honestly too much to add really. Two great examples of description that really showcase some very powerful once again with that second one really shining through.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Not a review, but oh my gosh, that was so beautiful and heartbreaking T_T I agree with FionaSharp, that was really, REALLY well-written! Awesome job!
UhhhhhmmmmMMMMM okay so this gave me a little bit of *depression*, very well done. 11/10. There's so much emotion in this is really smacked. And, you know, death. Really powerful, and also really really really really REALLY (I cannot emphasize this enough) well-written. The story structure was nice, and I did NOT see the ending coming as well as I'd have hoped. Really threw it all off. And I know this probably wasnt the point of the story, but I got very emotionally attached to the strawberries, lol. All in all, it was a very good plot, nice execution, and all of it was like eating your favorite candy on an evening where you feel sick. Thanks for sticking with me lol
beautifully written. Very articulate, and I love how you described each motion in the story. I felt that I was moving along with you, and I was even able to visualize the story.
SkyVibes here to read and review!
This hit me hard. In this small short story, there is so much emotion lurking between the individual words and letters. I lost one of my best friends which was most likely cancer in 2021. I love how you beautifully put this together and first began with the simple beginning of a strawberry! Where did you get the inspiration that gave you the idea to find the similarity of a strawberry and cancer? I think it's a very unique and beautifully simple way to describe cancer to someone.
I think this might be the shortest review I've ever written but my excuse is im an unfortunate college student.
Keep on writing and shooting for the sky!
-SkyVibes
p.s. also here is a story i wrote about cancer awhile back. it's about the friend i mentioned in this review. if you felt inclined to read it : )
The Year I Lost One of my Best Friends
I first thought of it based on the "would we still be siblings/lovers/enemies/etc in another universe?". It hit a little harder when I realized I've seen very little of "would you still be alive" so I tried to write it out. At first it was way longer and didn't make sense, it was more fit for an animation or a video so I shortened it down and chose two things most people don't associate with each other.
Thank you for your review and I will certainly read your piece. :)