Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this is a nicely written, pretty dark story. Its definitely doing a really good job of establishing a bit of a world and avoiding any unnecessary info dumps which I have to say is a good thing. And the flow of this whole action sequence is also really nice and that's another really good thing about this one.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Don’t stop running. Don’t ever stop running. You’re life may depend on it…just like mine did. My heart pounded as my quick feet carried me deeper and deeper into the forest. I kept moving forward, not daring to look back. Getting caught was the last thing I needed. I clawed my way up a thick tree, desperately hoping that I could hide myself within its sturdy branches. A wolf howled at the silvery moon, and I realized that it was far past midnight. I heard a scuffling of feet, and I looked down, only to see my pursuers. In their hands, were the things I feared the most. Guns.
Not the clearest opening paragraph because a couple of things appear to well just appear out of thin air with now warning whatsoever. The action packed part of this however does make it a pretty catchy opening so that's a good thing there.
Despite my fear, I smiled at this.
Okay...that seems like some pretty scripted dialogue right there.
Suddenly, one of the men starting advancing towards the tree I was in. I started climbing higher. My hands and feet moved swiftly, yet quietly. To them, I was just a dark shadow. They couldn’t see me unless they had night vision goggles. I glanced downward and saw the man was now about halfway up the tree.
Nice buildup of tension right here.
I sighed thankfully. Just as I was about to move, my hand slipped, and I plunged head first towards the ground. I twisted my body in mid air, landing perfectly on my two feet. Instantly, the men were upon me, shouting and screaming like they had just struck gold.
And we have ourselves an expectation subversion of sorts.
“Give up. Give up, and we’ll set you free,” he compromised.
*urge to punch the wall increases*
I didn’t say anything. Unexpectedly, I felt something like fire slice through my back. I screeched in pain, squirming like a fish on land. Then another, and another…
This one took a dark turn very fast.
I could feel blood pour out from my back. I curled into a tight ball and endured the agonizing pain. The last thing I remembered before I closed my eyes, was darkness surrounding me…
And we have a typically sad ending. I suppose this has something to do with your story but after so many stories I have yet to run into a single clean happy ending and that is not doing good things to my brain.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: After yet another dark story I am hoping to run into something nice but it doesn't seem likely to happen.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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