Hey there, 1738RemyBoy!

I haven't read any of your novel chapters, so I'm sort of going into this poem a little bit cold, but it looks like you've done a great job of showing this character's journey! I felt like I understood a lot despite not having the background.

I'm going to go through the poem title by title, since I think that's what makes the most sense!

A flood, baby sister caught in the middle.
A horse could catch her.
I fly.
Cold water, warm flesh.
Water tickles her feet.
She laughs, frightened mother, proud father.
They called me Sparrow.

I'm not sure I understand the line about a horse catching her, but I like this stanza as an introduction! I think it shows the narrator as someone fearless and also establishes some information about his family that comes up later. I also love love love how "Sparrow" is his first title, and for a really sweet reason, and then you poignantly bring that word "sparrow" back a couple of times later on in the poem. I think you handle that really nicely.

Rumble, Tumble.
Crust cracks.
Dull red torii collapses, old woman underneath massive beams.
But she is not made red, I smile holding the gateway with my arm.
No earthquake could knock me down.
They called me Giant.

This stanza helps build up the sort of heroic theme from the first stanza. I like that even though I don't know what a torii is, I can tell from the storytelling here. And even though your style is to sort of use fragmented images, you can really get what's going on! It's nice.

Emperor, god-king, meets us.
Meets me.
What does he see?
A sword?
A statue?
They called me Kami.

I wish we knew what Kami meant! This is one of a couple titles that didn't make as much sense to me without the background. But you can definitely still see the character's arc progressing through this part. You can tell this is where things begin to change.

I say goodbye to mother, father, sister.
The island is too small for my temperament.
I flew farther than a sparrow had ever flown before.
They called me Brave.

<3 The use of sparrow was well done here. I thought "The island is too small for my temperament" was a nice way to show how the narrator is moving on to do something bigger! (possibly invited by the emperor?)

I see the world for what it truly is.
I meet a funny angel who is like me.
He doesn’t find me funny.
We learn, we fight.
The world gets hotter, he says its ending.
Ridiculous, I say, smile more!
They called me Brother.

Again, I like how you tell the story here! With very few words, readers can see the way the plot builds up in a very novel-like way. I like the way you pursue that arc while still sticking to the titles.

My nation, my home, invaders.
Four countrymen; one old man and his baby granddaughter.
She is skewered.
My first kill, blood of the rising sun.
Blood of an army.
They called me Traitor.

I wish this part was a little more clear as an outsider! I understood the characters from before -- a family, someone he saved, a leader, and someone he trains with and is close to. But I can't tell here if the "four countrymen" and the old man and granddaughter are specific characters being referenced in shorthand, or if they're just indicative of a larger trend of war? It might be helpful to be more general here since it's hard to process what the specifics mean without background. I also wonder why he had to invade? :0 Or, did he just kill someone who is from the same place as him and that's why he's a traitor?

Definitely getting darker here and you can see things starting to go poorly for the narrator...

So many fires.
So much smoke.
So much death.
Under ash and bone, a book, a man of steel.
Red and blue, fast and strong.
I tell the angel, so similar.
They called me Child.

This one was also a wee bit confusing, and I'm not sure why the title here is "child" -- to me, it doesn't quite correspond to what's going on. the "ash and bone, a book, a man of steel / red and blue" don't make as much sense as an outside reader, but they seem to be specifically representing something or someone.

Of course, this poem doesn't have to totally make sense outside the context of your story! I'm just letting you know where it's harder to understand without context in case you want to make your poem more understandable without the background. You can feel free to take or leave any of my advice!

I also like that the "angel" comes back as a recurring character. I think it helps tie the poem together.

A sun devours a city.
The sound of thunder, followed by a second sun.
I grab it, to the ocean it goes.
Surrender.
People cry,
Stay silent,
Die.
They called me Anathema.

I love your imagery here. Despite not quite knowing what's going on on a literal level (like, is the sun symbolic or literal? I have no idea!), I just can feel what this destruction must be like, and I think you do a good job of it. That way, we don't have to know what's really going on, though I'm sure it's an added bonus with the context! I wonder how the narrator got wrapped up in this war, and why people hate him so much or think he's responsible.

No more war.
The angel is wrong, we can be happy.
Little sister not so little, laughs just the same to my ears.
Father and mother cry, much is lost, much remains.
A torii is built, the brightest red they could find.
Home.
They called me Hero.

!! I'm so glad there is a moment of peace! Not sure how that came about, but I think you convey the imagery so sweetly. I love how the narrator doesn't believe what the "angel" says (ignoring the real problem? it's so ominous, I love it), and I felt like "much is lost, much remains" says a lot, too. I'm glad his family is still there. The torii line is also great, the way it hearkens back to the beginning of the poem. Things are being rebuilt.

On a story level, I don't understand what happens next to change this momentary peace, but I think poetically I don't have to. You can see here,

A third sun.
Above, falling slowly
I smile, no worries
I fly faster than any sparrow could
The torii burns
Devour

The lines about "I smile, no worries" paired with "the torii burns" and "devour" -- that just paints a picture to me of everything falling apart really fast. Or... who knows, maybe the peace was only in the narrator's head? Either way, it didn't feel like it would last, and you did such a good job of transitioning it, even though I might not understand why. And again, another great repetition of "sparrow."

I'm not going to quote that middle part because I don't think the formatting will pull over XD BUT! I loved it! It was so scary. Even though I wasn't sure what was being done to the narrator, it was so clear that things were majorly wrong the way everything was fragmented, and then in the next section, the way you describe the changes that have taken place.

Scavenged skull of a giant.
Crown, horns of bone and molars weigh me down.
Dragged across soot
I blink and see jungle, sand, and snow, a horned shadow above all.
Names escape me.
Face escapes me, dead flakes and ash to the wind.
Cloth bindings to conceal not cure: fallout.
A strange man, wings of a bird, I call him Sparrow.
Says he is brother.
He was funny.
We fought, not once, many times.

I love how through the disjointed memories, we can sort of piece things together. I think you did a fantastic job at describing a scattered mind, with memories missing. And I love love how you can tell who the angel is, even though I didn't know before now that he had wings. The repetition of "Says he is brother. / He was funny." was so heart-rending for me, because we saw that build-up in the early part of the poem! And calling him "Sparrow" was also a stab to the heart, because he surely can't remember what that means. </3 Such a good job of that.

Nobody ever wins.
The chained kami.
Another war, another army, another emperor.
Man in suit, shake his hand, thief.
Tiny child, big sign.
Brave giant, skewer.
Scattered crowd, wailing mother.
They took my flesh.
They call me….

Everything gets a lot more clipped and scattered here. I'm not sure what many of the images mean, but some of the ones I found particularly striking was "The chained kami" (since we'd seen that title before), "Another war, another army, another emperor," and also the combination of "Scattered crowd, wailing mother. / They took my flesh." -- it just was so disturbing. There is so much pain in it, both for others and for the narrator.

I wish I had a little bit better sense of him becoming the Overlord -- I think what happens is he stars being a mercenary for a lot of people? That's the sense I got from the "Another war..." line, plus "Man in suit, shake his hand." But, I guess I couldn't tell how he went from being broken and "chained" to an overlord, unless he was doing this sort of unwillingly?

I can tell you've put so much thought into this, and it sounds like I need to read your story as well to get full understanding! On the poem side, I think one good thing would be to have a bit more of a transition heading into the initial war or a little bit of understanding of how or why that happened. I felt like we spent enough time with the narrator as a hero that it felt like a sudden shift to "Traitor" without understanding why, if that makes sense. I think most of the other titles flowed pretty naturally and I could follow the story pretty well, except for a couple of the ones I mentioned being a little more confused about.

I loved the storytelling nature of this poem! I think you pulled it off really well and put a lot of events all into one poem. I think the way you repeated certain elements of the story -- characters like the angel, names like sparrow, and the torii in particular -- was especially effective. Even though I didn't know the meaning of everything, seeing the context around those words changed was really emotionally impactful, so I felt super sad by the ending and all of the horrible things that happen throughout. I also thought your use of clipped lines, and especially the spacing in that middle "d e v o u r m e" section was really well done and chilling. <3

Great job, and thanks for sharing! Let me know if you have any questions.

-Q