Young Writers Society

Hi, Henry. Welcome to YWS! =D

I am GeeLyria and I am here to review for you.

I'll start off by saying that I really love and appreciate that your poem is organized neatly in stanzas. Judging a book by its cover it's not nice, but if you can give your piece a neat appearance, then I don't see why we wouldn't do it. XD Congratulations on that. Being honest, I love the main subject of this poem. Basically, this is neuroscience and psychology! Because it's something really and common among people, but no one ever really writes about it. So thank you for giving us something new and fresh!

I don't really have something to critique about this poem. Overall, it was entertaining. But if I'd have to suggest something, I'd tell you to create metaphors. Compare what you feel with things. Give us more imagery! Show us your writer's side and how you see the world. I am sure the readers would love that, and you'll see you'll enjoy it to.

There's my grain of sand! Hopefully, I expressed myself correctly. However, if you have any questions, feel free to let me know. And keep writing! =D

~GeeLyria

Hi HenryJ, Welcome to yws!
I'm a fairly new member, hope you're enjoying it here so far, anyways onto the review.

I think your general idea of the poem is really good, its a very creative idea. However there are some errors and suggestions I'd like to address and make. I'll just go stanza by stanza to make things easier.

"Making the move from being an intellectual
To being an artist
Is like meeting truth for the first time,
Blinded in awe, and not running away from it.
It's like walking backwards in time
To when you thought you could fight anyone
And still win, or save all those that you love
And happily live ever after."

For your first sentence,grammar, you don't need to write "To" in a captial because its still in the first line, only use a capital if you're starting a new sentence. But I like the rest of that stanza, i'd suggest to use more imagery of the different move of how being an artist is actually like, there is so much you could do with the imagery of an artist, and an intellectual, maybe state the feelings of each, describe what they do, why you'd make the move to be an artist?

For stanza two.

"It's a scarry felling, makes you tremble,
Doubt and question yourself,
But somehow, you know that the choice
Has already been made
And you are left with the pieces,
Supposed to put them all back together,
Differently, Better, Simpler, and Pure."

Here there's a few speling errors, e.g. "scarry"- Scary, "felling"-feeling.
This stanza felt more like an explanation and as a result lacked rhythm and a poetic feel from it. I kind of see what you're trying to say but try to express it in a more creative way, to capture the essence of your poem.

Overall this poem has a lot of potential, keep up the good work!
If you need/want another review feel free to PM me or something, hope i was of help to you.

- Infinity x

Hi Henry and welcome to YWS!

Overall, I think there's some good ideas in this, but they're held back by being told rather than shown. A big part of poetry is using images to say what you want to say without just saying "I feel this". For example, a stronger beginning might be

"The day I abandoned textbooks
for a paintbrush, I saw truth
for the first time."

Those symbols are somewhat common, but you could use different ones or try contrasting the two in unique ways: color, shape, size, smell, how they feel in your hands, etc. These can express your ideas in a new way and have a bigger impact on the reader.

Overall, there's some good ideas here and if you play with how you write about them, this piece has potential. I'd also suggest a better title but that can come after you refine the piece. Again, welcome and keep writing!

Hey there Henry!

I'm going to do a quick stanza by stanza review.

The first stanza starts off by telling us what moving from being an intellectual to an artist is like. I don't quite grasp how some of these instances relate. In particular, the last three lines are hard for me to relate too. I'm not sure this is a common experience among people. While I do love the idea behind them, I think that it might need a different package.

In stanza two, 'scarry' should be 'scary'. The second stanza is really just prose broken up to look like poetry. It's expressed wonderfully, but once again, it's not the idea, but the package. Poetry is different from prose in that poetry expresses things in a new way, it tells us how heart break and pain can be like fall, or how our childhood is like a thunderstorm. Poetry is all about making the reader read between the lines. You can find some wonderful poets on YWS, some of my favorites are LouisCypher, Audy, and Rydia. Take a look at some of their work to see how poetry is abstract.

I enjoyed this poem, and the idea behind it is great. It could go for some imagery, simile, or metaphor. The first stanza makes good use of them, but the second reads like poetry broken up into prose. I think this poem will end up being something wonderful, I really love the idea behind. Remember to always hone away at your work until you are satisfied. Keep up the awesome work, and welcome to YWS!

As you joined today and this is your first work here, I will review it...

Making the move from being an intellectual
To being an artist
Is like meeting truth for the first time,
Blinded in awe, and not running away from it.
It's like walking backwards in time
To when you thought you could fight anyone
And still win, or save all those that you love
And happily live ever after.

It's a scarry felling, makes you tremble,
Doubt and question yourself,
But somehow, you know that the choice
Has already been made
And you are left with the pieces,
Supposed to put them all back together,
Differently, Better, Simpler, and Pure.