z

Young Writers Society



A gift

by IzzyKat


Yesterday is history

Tommorow is a mystery

But today is a gift

And thats why it is called the present


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
662 Reviews


Points: 52441
Reviews: 662

Donate
Thu Feb 07, 2013 4:03 am
dogs wrote a review...



Izzykat, in my younger writing days I had lots of issues trying to come up with my own thoughtful writing that was brilliant and my own idea. I constantly heard such wonderful lines I could build poems around in songs and movies and what not. This is word for word directly copied from the movie Kung Fu Panda. I'm sure it has floated around the social media and you could have picked it up there. But as a writer this is unacceptable. Any sort or form of plagiarism here can result in you being banned and your account canceled. Not only is it dishonest to take one line from someone else and put it into your poetry and call it your own... but to take an entire four lines and make just that your entire poem is absurd. Not one word of this is your own writing. If a discretion like this happens again I assure you the consequences will be severe.

If you're having troubles coming up with good ideas, like I often did, listen to a song or take the general idea and not the words from a poem or song or whatever your getting your inspiration. Use that idea to create a poem in your own words. I wish you the best of luck on your writing.

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032




IzzyKat says...


Ok, just saying, this is the beginning of a poem my boyfriend wrote for me, so don go saying this unacceptable, you just think that i copy things because i cant be bothered to get my own life. Well, guess what, you don't know me, AND WHAT ON EARTH IS KUNG FU PANDA?
I dont know who you are, but you do not know my boyfriend, he might of copied it, but it was meant for me, I am hurt that you think that way.
So dont you look down on me, or my boyfriend, for that matter.
So kick me out of the website, but you have hurt me, so do whatever you want...
IzzyKat.



Random avatar

Points: 740
Reviews: 1

Donate
Thu Feb 07, 2013 1:41 am
UrbanCastle wrote a review...



I'm not sure if you are aware but as spinelli has stated this is not an original thought. This "poem," or saying, has been quoted many times before and I believe its origins lie with writer Alice Morse Earle in her book published in 1902, "Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights..." The original quote reads, ""The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." There have been many variations of this though, for example, Joan Rivers has been quoted saying, " “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.” And my memory may be a little fuzzy but I think I may have also seen this in a Winnie the Pooh book.

I would definitely suggests adding on to this to make it yours, or taking what you think the quote means and writing based off of that.

Good luck!




User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 803
Reviews: 58

Donate
Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:21 am
spinelli says...



Soooo, I'm pretty sure I've read this like all over tumblr and on girly avatars and signatures and fuzzy photographs of the silhouette of a girl with curly text over it. I dunno. This just sounds like a familiar fortune cookie.




User avatar
41 Reviews


Points: 612
Reviews: 41

Donate
Wed Feb 06, 2013 10:21 pm
Supermeggs12 wrote a review...



It's short. So it might be hard to give this a review.

The first two lines are very hooking, and fit very well with each other. However the last two line are sort out of dragged out. This shows lovely potential, but it needs more sibstance.

I think it would be absolutely grand, if you could even elaborate about what goes on during the day.




User avatar
376 Reviews


Points: 16552
Reviews: 376

Donate
Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:20 pm
View Likes
Trident wrote a review...



Hi Izzykat,

Yes, this is too short to really do anything with, but I will try to give you a little advice at the very least. It's a little ditty that feels amusing, but there is one glaring thing that I really see. It's an obvious thing, what you are doing with the last line and though it's certainly fun to play with words like this, you don't need to poke us in the eye with it, which is another way of saying that you are explaining it to the point of exhausting the idea. As readers of poetry, we aren't unfamiliar with wordplay and metaphor, so we have seen ideas like this before.

A solution is to get rid of that last line and rewrite it so that there is a little subtlety. We already get the whole "gift" and "present" thing, so give us a little more.

Lastly, I would just say that the rhyming of the two words in the first two stanzas isn't quite working for me either.

Feel free to contact me if you want to discuss anything.




Random avatar

Points: 729
Reviews: 2

Donate
Wed Feb 06, 2013 7:48 pm
blackclaw1 says...



So far i like what you're getting at, the last line for me harms the overall "experience" of the piece, it sounds somewhat like you've run out of ideas on how to end the writing.
What are your plans to continue this?




User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 672
Reviews: 5

Donate
Wed Feb 06, 2013 5:58 pm
IzzyKat says...



Sorry guys,
I know its short; but hopefully I can add some more on later...
My wind wonders a lot, and I wanted to share it with you...





I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief